/fail.

Time started: 12:11

Place: My room (Wattle Park)

Weather: Fine

Mood: Lethargic

I've been sick and nauseous for a week. First time I've been sick with a cold or flu all year.

My phone has been "sick" for about a week too. Mum tried to call but she couldn't hear me at all from her end.
I've been having much difficulty receiving and sending text messages too. It's a pity...it's quite a good phone.

Oh well, I'll just keep it now as a spare. It still works really well as a modem.

I guess I now have an excuse to buy a new phone...which I did. So much for saving money this year...

I will soon be a new Crackberry owner.

I bought a Blackberry Bold 9780 unlocked and brand new on ebay for $260 including postage. This is the most I've ever spent on a phone and I sort of regret it because I'm not that rich. Pretty darn good considering Telstra's selling it for $750 and the rrp is like $999. I hope it's as good as the reviews have raved. I didn't want to join the bandwagon of having an iPhone 4. I like QWERTY keyboards anyway and this smartphone is designed to be a smartphone and not some well-marketed piece of crap. I've always been a Nokia user up til now but Nokia hasn't been making great phones lately. I'll give Blackberry a try. I've been messing with Levon's phone which is a Blackberry. I liked what I saw so far.

The review will come once I get it and use it :).

Time finished: 12:24

Where Has the Year Gone?

Time started: 00:34
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: The clock ticking
Weather: Cold but fine
Mood: Stressed

Is it really the first of November already? Where has this year gone? What have I done?
I can't even play any of my pieces in my program for my technical exam yet...and I've had these pieces all year!

I don't know what is wrong with me. It's like my short term memory for learning doesn't exist.
I would practise for hours and hours every day and when I think I've nailed something by the end of the night (I can play a section with my eyes closed) I forget it the next day, and I'm learning from scratch again...it's really frustrating!

There are only 15 days til the date I was scheduled to do my exam but it seems that I will have to resort to yet again another medical supplementary exam...this is really not what I want...

I just don't understand why I can't do this...it's not like I'm not trying. Yes, there are days when I slack off, but doesn't everyone have those days? I practise my arse off almost every day...and I've had these pieces for the whole darn year...I've even taken up Bikram yoga to help me get back into better health but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know what to do...this chronic fatigue syndrome is stopping me from doing so much...

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I'm not exactly retarded either...I don't get why I can't learn like everyone else. Yes, I'm a little on the slow side but no progress? Really?! What the hell is wrong with me?!

Lucinda thinks I need to take a year of absence and do single studies for a year to regain my health....put my studies on halt again? Like doing 3rd year over 2 years isn't enough of a breeze for me?! I'm going to be 23 next year...23 without a degree. 24 going 25 by the time I graduate...taking a leave of absence is definitely not on my mind! I need to get out of university with a degree and make a living...I can't be a student forever. I need to start on my future NOW! As soon as I can if I want a better chance with being with Levon...

Speaking of Levon, he has been so busy lately. I hardly get to talk to him. It's like our relationship isn't the same anymore. I know it's something neither of us could help...we both have so much to do in our own lives but I hate how we're both so separate now and not just in terms of distance. I know I do talk to him almost every day but it's always the same every day...we say hi, we do cutesy emoticons and emote actions like *huggles* and *snuggles* and *kisses* and *smooches* and all those disgusting cheesy stuff that you'd expect from Care Bears or Barney. We exchange I love yous every day. It seems beautiful and perfect, right? I don't see it that way. It's like I don't know him. I don't know about his day. I don't know the things that make him happy or frustrates him. I don't know where our relationship is going...at the moment it just seems to be obliviously running around in circles, like a goldfish circling around the fishbowl...
Let's face it. Even though we've been together almost two years and still love each other to death we hardly know each other. We can't experience the joys and pains the same way most couples do. We don't have that opportunity to argue or grow together. To a small degree we can through conversation but it's just not the same. This scares me every day...we're blinded by distance and act purely on feelings alone.
I guess I long for something different in our relationship. It's just that every day it's the same and what's the point? It would just be nice if he'd tell me about his day or his random fleeting thoughts. When I tell him about mine he always reacts the same way like he's avoiding a discussion. It's just a *hugs* or a *pounce* like he's not listening...he often doesn't know what to say...I probably also long some kind of a plan for him. He's just taking things as they go and it's not really enough for me...I need to know what's going on. I need some kind of a direction from him...I don't care whatever the hell it is, it can be anything...I just need something...I can't just hang on for years waiting for something to happen...

*Sigh* I don't know...I'm just not a go with a flow kind of person...
I'm not very assertive either so it's not fair on him if he has no idea what I want. I don't tell him. I guess that's the same with him. He doesn't tell me either. We're both just stuck in limbo pretending that we're happy...

Anyway...I better start being happy so I can focus on my exams and get them over and done with...life would be so much better after I get this damn degree...

Time finished: 01:06
Mood: Tired...

Life is a Rollercoaster

Time started: 19:10
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: The rain outside, and the television campaigning the election tomorrow
Weather: Wet and dreary
Mood: Lethargic and unmotivated

"What goes up, must come down..." as the wise old Albert Einstein once said.

I've had my up of the holidays, seeing Levon again, spending time with family and friends, and having a positive start to the semester with productive and confident practise.

And now I'm at a low. Still sick with a 2 month cold, bones and muscles aching, failing to adapt to the cold, wet weather of Adelaide...I am feeling very unmotivated to practise. The past couple of days I've been really sluggish, spending most of my time in bed sleeping for hours on end...all of it is unrefreshing.

Tension among people continues. Those around me are experiencing some of their greatest woes, stress, grief...everything negative imagineable. You name it...
My mother called me quite recently telling me that my 100 year old grandfather fell down the stairs in Malaysia and is currently in a critical condition.
I want to go back to Malaysia. My aunt from the US whom I have not seen for 12 years is finally returning and taking Mei Ling with her back to the states. University is in the way...
All this is getting to me and I often find myself depressed while I'm alone. I occupy my thoughts with unhappiness and it paralyses me. It weighs me down, and I am unable to move.
I find solace in talking to my family and friends, but even they seem to be so far from reach.

I need to get on with my life. This is ridiculous. Why is everything stopping me from doing what I need to do? It's in the norm for even some of the strongest and happiest of people to experience some downs in their life...

I'm looking forward to my next up in life, whenever that may be...

It's ironic how it's life that's always in the way of living life...

Time finished: 19:22
Listening to: Random conversations on TV
Mood: Zombiefied

Stubborness is a good thing!

Time started: 23:15
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Anthems for a Seventeen-year-old Girl" - Broken Social Scene
Weather: Pleasant =)
Mood: Good =)


I just thought I'd immediately update and respond to my entry from last night...
After beating myself up emotionally last night I've decided I was being ridiculous and took action into changing my attitude immediately. I wasn't going to let my sickness dictate my life!
Be happy, make others happy, and life will be happy.

I meditated to clear my thoughts last night, didn't get much sleep but when I did, it was quality sleep.
I woke up, went to my lesson, still had the biggest migraine ever, but managed to learn a lot from my brief piano lesson with Lucinda this morning. It was brief because I apparently looked like death and was still really sick and tired but I didn't care. I was in a better mood.

After my piano lesson, we had our aural exam. I was expecting to fail because I didn't prepare, I was seeing zig-zags all over the page from the migraine, and my ears were ringing...but I surprisingly cruised through it with no problem. In fact, I'm confident I got 100% :'D.

Later in the afternoon I went to the library to make a start on my essay but I was feeling really nauseated and my migraine was getting worse. I ended up falling asleep at the study table for 2 hours. I can't believe I was knocked out at the library for 2 hours!

I forced myself to get up and go to practise. My head felt like a tonne of bricks but that didn't stop me. I was in a very determined mood to practise and I was, despite my condition, in good spirits. DANG YOU, MIGRAINE! I AIN'T LETTING YOU DEFEAT ME!

To my surprise, the room LG08 was free! I took advantage and started practising straight away.
I don't know how I did it...but I managed to practise in there for 4 hours straight...NON-STOP! It was pretty productive too!

So yeah. I feel like crap physically but emotionally I'm great :'D.

It just goes to show how much positivity with a touch of stubborness can make a difference to getting through.
Well...it was probably really stupid of me to stay at uni and exhaust myself for 12 hours with a huge migraine and chronic fatigue syndrome...but hey, at least I'm happy!

I think I deserve a night of epic sleep now...
I'll make sure to look after myself now...

And I just want to say thanks to those who've encouraged me to be happy and reassure me of my capabilities. I'm feeling a little more confident in myself now. Thanks for all your support. You're all the main reason why I'm feeling happy today =).

Okay...time to hit the sack. You'll probably hear my loud snoring from afar tonight...


Time finished: 23:35
Listening to: "Black and White Town" - Doves
Mood: Content

Insane, Dazed Brain, and a Migraine.

Time started: 20:11
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: the ringing of my ears...
Weather: Nippy
Mood: Lacking self-respect.


Yes, yes, I know...I whine all the time. I'd say 90% of my entries are just whining...*sigh*
I've made some last resort decisions in the past week:

I am going to do my piano exam in February instead of November because my progress is just way too slow.
I am also going to study part-time starting from next year which will mean by the time I graduate (gosh, I just hope I get to graduate!) I would've been studying at uni for 8 years only to get this one measley degree...

I'm just so tired...
I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of having this mind-set of not being able to do anything...

I played Debussy's Toccata at tech & rep class today. Not because I was scheduled to, but because I love this piece and I thought I was ready. I crashed and burned 100 times worse than I thought I would.
I know I haven't finished learning the piece for very long but I have played it so many times without stopping or huge errors, and with expression and colour but what I did in class today was a total disaster! I don't know why, but as soon as I went up to adjust the piano stool I suddenly felt ill. I could feel every muscle in my body tense. My fingers felt paralysed and from the word go, I was in total panic! I didn't even feel nervous initially. It just hit me like a truck...My fingers fumbled as they tried to move, I had a mental block from the panic and stopped everywhere, and I didn't feel the music at all. I was playing so dead-pan just to try to play from beginning to end...
It felt like the longest five minutes of my life just trying to get through the piece in front of the class...

I felt really depressed after because I wasn't sick today yet I played bad enough to make people's ears bleed...
I wasn't sick today. I had no excuse. And so what if I was nervous? I've played the piano long enough to be able to play in front of an audience...
I felt really depressed because Lucinda wasn't mad at me. She pitied me. So did everyone else...I didn't care if I went through a lot this year. I didn't care that I'm not at the best of health...
I felt really depressed because Lucinda hasn't seen me in my good days and every time I tell her I am capable, she just thinks my thoughts are just deluded because I am sick and that it's okay to be handicapped...
"Don't be too hard on yourself...", "It wasn't that bad...", "You're doing fine...", "Take it easy..."
Take it easy? That's the only thing I've been doing since year 11! Take it easy...
Disability memorandums, doctor certificates, medical considerations, special requirements, whining, crying, complaining...that's all I've been doing to pass over the past 5 years just to pass and get better grades while everyone else is working hard and being diligent without any aid like I should be! It just doesn't seem fair...

Oh, but you're sick, Min. You're going through a lot of problems in life, Min. It's okay...
So what?! Everyone gets sick! Everyone has problems! Why should I be any different? I don't have a terminal illness...
*Sigh*

I just cried after class. I cried almost throughout my one hour bus ride home. I was so upset. I know there's no point in being so hard on myself but maybe that's just it...maybe I'm not hard on myself enough so I can't handle anything...

When I got home, I desperately tried to get some practise done but from being upset I developed a migraine.
It's one problem after another...
I just fell asleep at the piano for a couple of hours...when I woke up, I stood up and nearly toppled over and hit my head in the corner. Well this is just great...

I'm angry. I'm angry because no matter how hard I try to be positive, no matter how hard I try to get things done, no matter how hard I try to make situations easier it just never happens...
I'm angry because I always have to find alternatives to get through things...
I'm angry because the house is a mess...not tidied, not vaccuumed, undone dishes, unswept floor, it's a MESS!
I'm angry because I still have this migraine and I have an aural exam tomorrow...there's ringing in my ears...
I'm angry because I just complained about having a migraine and used it as an excuse to not study or do my assignments and spend my time making this stupid entry instead...
So am I really sick? Or am I just pathetic?

I am a disappointment to my mother. I'm sick, stupid, and incapable and do nothing but disappoint her...
I know she's proud of me...but she's only proud of me because despite my stupid and sickly nature, I still persist on going...and continuously hitting my head against a brick wall...
"Maybe you're just not good enough for uni..."

I miss Levon like hell...he is the one person who makes me feel like I'm good enough for something at times like these...

I just want this all to stop. I want to be happy and healthy again...
When I made dinner tonight I couldn't even remember that I was looking for the wooden spoon and when I did remember, and I found it, I just stared at it for a lengthened period of time without remembering to pick it up.
Stupid spoon...it made me so angry...
What the hell is wrong with me?!


Time finished: 21:02
Listening to: Jarrad shouting "YOU F***ING FAGGOT!" at someone over the internet...
Mood: Sleepy...

What Really Makes the World Go Round?

Time started: 0419 (yeah...I'm having trouble sleeping)
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: Nothing...surprise...
Weather: Cold but calm at least
Mood: Uneasy but settling

I just thought I'd post this since a couple of people close to me have noticed I've been very down and not myself so I guess I should explain what's constantly on my mind right now.

You know...money matters in this world more than I'd like it to. It's depressing. The world goes through more complex systems and lifestyles as time progresses. Just thinking about it makes me so tired. Simplicity in life is non-existent these days. Not even children these days can live their lives simply like children should because of the ever changing fears of the society and political correctness. Is it really a surprise that the rate of depression is constantly growing? Is it not scary? Thinking about the standard life for the contemporary individuals just frustrates me because I see so little meaning in life. Well, not quite. There is meaning in life. There always has been and there always will be, but everything around completely blinds us from it whether it'd be money, media, competition, expectations, deadlines, rules and regulations...anything.

I feel very pressured and anxious in more ways than one. The Government is allowing my mum only a year to recuperate her health after her aneurysm because she recovered remarkably well. After that they want her to go back to work, completely ignoring the several Doctor recommendations simply because she still has arms and limbs to move around and work. If only they knew how serious her condition really was. The surgeon specifically told me if she has an aneurysm again which is very possible, she WILL die.
Do I want her to go back to work again? Most definitely not! I will not allow it!

So I have come to terms with me having to study part time next year so I have room to work to help support her. I am originally really against that idea since I have already done two years of Biomedical Science beforehand and adding to the Music degree I am getting very tired of studying and just want to graduate and work full-time. However given the circumstances, I have no choice. My mother's health is the number one priority right now. I must do it. I'd be glad to do it. Besides...for all the years she's had to work off blood, sweat and tears for me, it's only fair.

My dad has something like a $30,000 debt from over-using his credit cards. My dad is a compulsive shopper and loves to spoil himself rotten. Not only that, he's getting kicked out of his apartment soon because he's no longer a suitable tennant since the village he lives in is really meant for the retired which he is not. My dad hasn't really been in a major part of my life but I figured he doesn't have anyone but me so I should help him out too. He may not be the father figure but he still loves me and of course, I love him too. He's simply still just a kid who just needs someone who loves him.

For the past couple of days I've been applying for jobs for Summer Vacation. I currently just got offered a temporary job for the Australian Electoral Commission to do some data entry online which is great because I can work at home and get paid decently. It's not enough to support my parents and me completely but it's a great start! I emailed the director asking him if there's any vacancies for me. He had to dig deep and fish out this small task for me during his intensively busy schedule which I really appreciate. I know him personally since I've worked for the AEC before during the federal election and he was impressed with my hard work.

I need to stop worrying because the more I worry, the sicker and more tired I get. I've been horribly slack the past few days from being so tired and it's stressing me out because I am very behind my piano practise for uni now. It's frustrating when I'm constantly getting fevers and just want to sleep every half hour I'm awake. It's probably a mental thing. I need to be stronger but everything is just putting me down right now and I'm really trying to pick myself up but I just don't know how. I don't have the confidence. I'm frightened. I over-think everything. Being sick should never be an excuse to stop me from doing what I need to do and I'm really tired of constantly using it as an excuse. I'm scared that it's depression. These past few days I can't stop crying, being irrationally snappy and have so much trouble getting out of bed but now as I write this entry I've just realised that I spend a ridiculous amount of time just worrying. It doesn't help when he's out of touch for a bit either. Not his fault. I just miss him a lot. Blargh.

Time can be so easily spent on things you wish you never did but when you realise this...it's too late. That time you've wasted is gone. This concept can apply to life in so many ways. On one hand, time is short so you never want to waste it on doing something unproductive and never getting what you need to get done, done. On the other hand, since time is short, this also means life is short, so why use up all the short time to do something that worries you and stresses you out instead of enjoying yourself? *Sigh* see? The standard life is a constant battle between doing what you want to do, and doing what you need to do. Your wants and needs very rarely coincide. So what should one do? One could only worry...and be awake worrying...and write a worrying blog. Joy.

Well...on a happier note I've decided both mum and I work too hard and worry too much so I've booked flights for the both of us to go to Sydney in December. It's been a while since my mum's had a holiday just for the sake of a holiday. Malaysia didn't really count because she really only went back to reactivate her bank account and get some legal documentations of my grandmother's Will. Sydney will be fun since we both don't know much about it so we'll just explore, get lost, possibly drive each other insane =P. I'll get to see my best friend, Shan Shan too who I haven't seen for two years so it will be nice (even though she's going to be constantly working...*sigh*). She's going to try to visit me in Darwin in February though so that would be great (and in return I will be constantly working, probably...our syncronisation skills are awesome...)!

Contemplating depressing things in life can only make me value the good things in life more so I'm sorry if the moping gets annoying. My entry went into a positive turn, didn't it? And besides...I don't do well when I bottle it all up. I always feel like I get a bit of a revelation after I let it all out. I realise I think these things because of the one thing that matters the most: Love. I worry about money because I love my parents. I stress about uni because I want to have a career doing what I love: music. I'm always sick because...because...haha...I don't know...I love too much, maybe? Hahahaha. As if you could ever love "too much"! As horribly cliché as it sounds, I believe love is really what makes the world go round. At least in my world, anyway.

Wow, that was painfully bad. I think I'll stop writing bad now. Not only was it bad, I gave love and worry/stress parallel meanings! That is a big no no!

I obviously need good quality sleep. Sleep time!
(Wow...what an anti-climating ending. I fail.)

Time finished: 0516
Listening: A single bird chirping haha.
Weather: All I know is...there is the one bird chirping outside. And it's cold.
Mood: Amused by my fail abilities to attempt thoughtful blogging.

My Cousin's Wedding

Time started: 22:55
Place: Living room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 1 (AOL Sessions)" - The Flaming Lips
Weather: Freezing cold >.<;; Mood: Exhausted...

I went back to Darwin for four days from 8th-12th August for my cousin's wedding. Kevin Phang and Christina Chau (now Christina Phang :D) had their Chinese wedding on Friday 8th. It took place at my uncle's house in Alawa. They looked glamorous in traditional Chinese wedding gowns. It involved the bride and the groom presenting tea to the elder members of their family and the younger members of their family present tea to them. I, being the younger cousin, had to present tea to the bride and the groom. It made Kevin and Christina feel old. After the paying of respects with tea, we stuffed ourselves with homemade cooking from various members of the family, including my mum. We all sat outside in the yard, eating and chatting away and it has been such a long time since I've had a family gathering like this. There were also some family members I've never met before, such as one of my paternal aunts who lived in Japan. There were also aunts and uncles I haven't seen for years. Later that night, we all had a BBQ at the same place and together we watched the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic games! It was sensational! I especially liked the drums and the taichi.

On Saturday it was the official wedding at Pee Wee's restaurant at East Point, by the beach. The ceremony was absolutely gorgeous! You could see the love for each other between the bride and groom as they exchanged their vows. Christina bawled her eyes out with tears of joy and sent the whole room bawling along with her. It was a very touching moment. Then we all took many, many photos of the bride and groom and of each other. As the sun was setting we all sat down at our designated tables and ate a marvelous buffet dinner, followed by scrumptious desert. The sunset was beautiful, but since we were at the East point, we couldn't actually see the sun, but the sky was still rich in colours and clouds. At night fall, the ocean was so calm, and we could see the city lights across the water. It was beautiful. There were several sailing boats along the water with their lights too. The view was breath-taking and the scene had a very romantic mood. I was very glad that this beautiful place was the venue for my cousin's wedding. I was very happy for him and Christina. After dinner, the bride and groom played some wedding games. The first one involved the bride being blind-folded and a group of men (including the groom) had to line up as the bride had to run her fingers through each man's lips and she had to guess which one was her husband's. Kevin was the third man out of six and she guessed right the first time with much thought. The second game involved the groom being blind-folded and six girls had to line up with feint wedding rings on their left hand (including the bride with her real wedding ring). Kevin had to feel each of their fingers and guess which one was Christina's and he guessed right straight away. It was amazing! The third game involved Christina standing on a chair with a napkin held against her chest. Then she had two strawberries hanging from her chest and Kevin had to eat the strawberries from her chest without using his hands. It was funny to watch xD. WARNING, THE LAST GAME CONTAINS SEXUAL REFERENCES. UNDER-AGED READERS READ AT THEIR OWN RISKS! The last game involved Kevin standing on a chair and Christina had to put an egg up his pants and take it out from the top of his trousers without breaking the egg. Christina did well to get it all the way up to the top of Kevin's thigh but was unable to pass it and take it out. It was stuck and funnily enough, it looked like Christina was giving Kevin a hand-job xD. The bridesmaid was commentating and said "Uh oh...the egg appears to be stuck after Christina successfully moved the egg up Kevin's leg! Could it be that Kevin's package is obstructing the pathway of the egg?" and after minutes of fondling the egg in Kevin's pants, Christina gave up and Kevin announced "On behalf of the bride, I would like to apologise because I found the strawberry game before too arousing..." xD. Classic stuff! Towards midnight, the bride and groom finally did their first dance and it was funny watching Kevin trying to do the waltz. It was simple, yet touching. Soon enough, the rest of us joined the dance floor. Soon it was late and my mum was tired so we went home. Believe it or not, it was the first time I've ever attended a wedding and it was a beautiful experience! I am so happy for Kevin and Christina.

On Sunday and Monday I enjoyed my remaining time in Darwin's blissful weather. I mostly stayed at home bumming around and watched the Olympic games. AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE! OI, OI, OI! xD I flew back to Adelaide on Tuesday morning and I was very unhappy to be back into the cold weather -.-;;. I was also feeling quite sick too after the wedding and the flying. I still haven't recovered from tonsillitis. I completely missed the third week of uni because I've been so nauseated and lethargic. I had a fever on Thursday of 38.4 degrees Celsius and all week my body's been experiencing so much aches and pains. At night I can't sleep because I have trouble breathing and I can't stop coughing. I'm very worried about being so behind uni now. So far this semester I've only attended three classes...I've missed out A LOT! Today I went to the doctor and he has a huge hunch that I have chronic fatigue syndrome which explains why I'm not recovering at all and why I experience palpations, low blood pressure, have a shocking immune system, and respiratory problems, as well as of course, constant fatigue over the past few months. Well if I do have CFS, that sucks because there's no way to treat it. On the brighter side, it is not at all life-threatening...just a pain in the arse to go through. I hope I get through second semester of uni okay...this is a very important semester and I want to be able to pass through it with flying colours. One great thing about being sick is I get to stay at home and watch the Olympics all day! I'm really enjoying it. Australia's doing pretty well so far. GO THE AUSTRALIAN WOMEN'S SWIMMING TEAM!!! :D Everyone's making such a big deal about Stephanie Rice though...but I can see why. Three gold medals and three world records at the age of 20. Everyone's making such a big deal about American Michael Phelps too...again, I can see why...self explanatory...xD. China is scary...they're flogging the whole world. With 25 gold for China, and USA with 14 gold...the US can't even compare with them in terms of number of gold...I know China's always been good at Gymnastics, Archery, Shooting and Diving but...weightlifting?! Since when have they been dominating in Weightlifting? It's the first I've heard of this...maybe I've always just been oblivious about weight-lifting. I always thought the Middle East and Mediterranean countries were good at weight-lifting. I wanted China to be on top this year since they're hosting the Olympics but now I'm already sick of them haha xD. How disappointing that the little girl at the opening ceremony was miming too...I'm more annoyed with the fact that they didn't want to use the REAL singer because she isn't "pretty" enough. How discriminating! But anyway...Aussie's getting many medals for such a little country so I'm happy :D. They're also doing well at other events BESIDES swimming so WOOO! First week finishing off with 6 gold, 7 silver and 8 bronze...GOOD EFFORT, AUSSIE! WOOOO! Yeah, shut up...I'm patriotic.

Well...I guess that's all for now. There's nothing much else to talk about besides being sick and the Olympics... Hopefully next week I will feel better and go to uni and cope just fine...

Time finished: 23:52
Listening to: "Ewan" - The Radio Dept.
Mood: Patriotic :'D

First Week Back with Tonsillitis.

Time started: 21:37
Place: My room (In Adelaide)
Listening to: "Looking For Water" - David Bowie
Weather: Cold...
Mood: Lethargic.

I didn't have a great week back in Adelaide. The night before my flight, I came down with tonsillitis so flying was hell. I felt like vomitting, I had a fever, and my throat hurt like hell. Luckily Jasper was on the flight with me. It was stupid that Jarrad wouldn't pick us up from the airport either but I don't really blame him since we arrive at 6:35am. We caught the taxi all the way home and thankfully the fare wasn't as bad as I anticipated it to be.

On Monday, our first day of semester 2, I began with a piano lesson with Lucinda. We went through my Italian Concerto by Bach and the lesson seemed mundane but I guess I was feeling really under the weather. Keyboard musicianship looks really hard this semester and I have a feeling I'm going to struggle. During Technique and Repetoire Class, I had an asthma attack and missed out on 3/4 of the class and wound up at the health clinic at uni. The doctor gave me some ventolin and prescribed me some antibiotics because he said I have tonsillitis. As soon as I went home, I slept until late in the afternoon on Tuesday. I was so incredibly lethargic.

On Wednesday, I had uni again. The History lecture was all about Beethoven. The course outline didn't really explain much either. Chauralation was cancelled because our conductor Carl was sick which sucked because Chauralation is fun. It's also good too because I didn't have a voice. Pey Shin, Sam, Fei and I spent our two hours worth of free periods at the Backstage café just sitting together and chatting about stuff. It was good to hang out with them again :). Then we had our Theory lecture and I missed practically the entire lecture because I had another asthma attack. Paul, a classmate of mine, was very kind to come and see how I was going outside and offered to call an ambulance but that was unnecessary. He took me to a water bubbler though and I was very grateful for his kindness and concern. Later that day I discovered that my glasses broke. One of the lenses fell out and I couldn't find it anywhere so that meant I needed new glasses. I made an appointment with the optometrist after class.

That night I experienced excruciating pain in my left ear and I couldn't sleep all night. In the morning my ear was bleeding and I decided it was best for me to not go to uni for that day. My left ear has felt blocked and has been buzzing ever since. So yeah...that was my first week of uni and I feel like I've missed out on so much already. I'm not having a very good to semester 2 at all...

On Friday, I had a better day. I went to meet Riana and Helen for lunch and it was lovely to see them again. Jarrad and Jasper tagged along but I think they were bored. Later I met up with Sam to exchange burnt discs, then I shouted him laksa because I said that I would if he passed theory last semester. Then I had my optometrist appointment, got my eyes tested and picked two pairs of glasses (buy one get one free :D). I can't wait for them to get done because apparently they look good on me =P. I always look like a nerd when I wear glasses and I hate wearing them. I might wear them constantly this time.

My weekend consisted of just practising a lot on the piano. I'm proud of my efforts for the weekend. I practised 6 hours per day and I was feeling a little better with tonsillitis. It was a pity I got Ryan and Jasper sick though. Right now I'm trying my hardest not to get Jarrad sick...

Today I was meant to go to uni but I had an asthma attack last night and didn't sleep so I felt absolutely awful when I woke up and didn't go to uni again. It was a bad idea because I'm going to miss out on next Monday's lessons too since I'd be in Darwin for my cousin's wedding. I'm having such an awful start to this semester and I'm already feeling overwhelmed...
Well...today I was bored and decided to bake pandan cake again. This attempt was a much better success compared to when I made it for Jarrad's birthday. The only thing wrong with it is I added a bit too much cream of tartar so it's a bit on the sour side, but aside from that...it tastes pretty good :D.

I fly to Darwin on Thursday evening and I can't wait to spend a few days in Darwin again where it's nice and warm. It's freezing cold here and I DON'T LIKE IT!!! I'm concerned that it's going to disrupt my start to this semester even more though...and I hate being sick...I'm wondering if I'll ever get better...damn my immune system...

Time finished: 22:00
Listening to: "La Cerca" - Sparta
Mood: Worried...

Ryan's 21st and the return of anaemia

Time started: 18:53
Listening to: "Grab Thy Hand" - Chevelle
Weather: Cold
Mood: Disorient

I have been a little slack with updating this blog due to procrastination and a hectic time during university. I will use that excuse for now.

Anyway, we woke up early in the morning to prepare ourselves to go to the footy match at AAMI stadium. I regretted not getting any Crows merchandise to show our support for the team but I guess our plain selves just had to do.
The five of us squished into Jarrad's not so spacious Terrios and drove to the venue, a little unsure of the direction to go but we got there on time nonetheless.

There wasn't a huge turn out at the match but it being my first ever attendance of a sporting event, I enjoyed the surreal atmosphere of watching two national teams play the great AFL. The weather was beautiful that day too so we were very lucky.

I think Ryan enjoyed watching the footy despite the game being a white wash for the Adelaide Crows. I was having a lot of fun myself. There were a few epic moments in the game such as a Melbourne Demon's player being ninja-ed from behind and consequently gave away a goal to the Crows.

After the game we went straight home and it was time for Ryan to open his presents. I first presented my (well...our...but it's really mine! :D) present (which was heavy to carry from my room to his) and he was quite surprised with the size of the present. He opened it carefully, revealing the velvet case, still not knowing what it was. When he opened the case I think he was quite bewildered with the sight of the large, marble chess set. There was a long moment of silence with a stunned expression, followed by a "sweet" escaped his lips. I was glad to see that he loved his present. Later he opened Jordan's birthday present and I could see a lot of affection and love expressed on his face the moment he opened it and realised what it was. Jordan bought him the entire collection of Calvin & Hobbes, Ryan's favourite comic. I think Ryan felt very loved and spoiled that night.

Anyway, that was a brief overview of Ryan's birthday, now for serious matters. For the past week I have been dizzy, fainting, and extremely lethargic. On Monday morning I went to uni with Ryan, only finding myself stumbling and trying hard to stay conscious on my way to uni from the train station. Ryan helped me stumble my way to Lucinda's class so that I could notify to her that I was unwell. Then he took me to the university's doctor so that I could make an appointment to see him. Consequently he was late for class. I felt really bad but thankful that he was by my side when I was unwell. Well I made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow morning and hopefully he will be able to help me. I have been missing out on uni all week and can't stop feeling really dizzy and sleepy. It's really stopping me from doing my work.

Well that is all. I don't have the energy to ramble on like I usually do...

Time finished: 17:30
Listening to: "Opaline" - Dishwalla
Mood: Disorient