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Friday, July 31, 2009


Time started: 20:00
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Everlong" Foo Fighters
Weather: Too cold >.<;;
Mood: As the title suggests...

I am back in Adelaide (and what is with this FREEZING COLD, WINDY AND RAINY WEATHER?!?!?! *Craves for Darwin*) and so far I have survived the first week of Semester 2. I am not pleased. It already seems like a tough semester...

My repetoire consists of extremely difficult pieces for Classical Performance. Here's my program:
~ Study in Blue White & Gold - Miriam Hyde (very artistic, fun little piece! Quite difficult to play)
~ Prelude & Fuge no. 12 in F minor Well Tempered Clavier Book II - J.S. Bach (hate the Prelude but the Fuge is okay.)
~ Sonata in E minor - Grieg (HELL YEAH! Gung Ho Norwegian Patriotism at its finest haha! Lots of fun to play but very difficult!)
~ Variations on Theme by Robert Schumann op. 20 - Clara Schumann (Absolutely gorgeous! I've never heard such love and romanticism in a piece like this! Again, very difficult!)
~ Pour le Piano: Toccata - Debussy (AWESOME piece!!! Wanted to learn it for a long time but is EXTREMELY difficult!)

I am very happy with my program......BUT IT IS INSANELY DIFFICULT!!!!! I mean...two are of A.mus standard, and the other three of L.mus standard! That's as hard as it gets! I pretty much have to learn it all in like...2 months if I want any hope of passing the exam, and entering the competition which is IMPOSSIBLE for me! Pieces like this would probably take me 2 years to learn... Now, to add to the stress...Accompaniment. I'm accompanying my friend, David Bruce who plays the saxaphone for my assessments. The accompaniment is really awkward to play on the piano. I can't sight read to save my life either and the first assessment is in 2 weeks. I haven't finished learning the pieces....*cries*. This will take up a lot of my practise time and I need all the time I can get for my solo repetoire! Then there's theory. After our first lecture and tutorial...I swear, my mind exploded! It was so mind boggling, the theories we have to learn! It is so different to what we learned before and far out...whoever came up with these theories had waaaaaaay too much time on their hands! It's like geometry and trigonometry within the 12 pitch class... Earlier music was more rigid, asymmetrical, and was less flexible with direction due to the rules of suspension and resolution, revolving around simple ratios of the intervals in chordal progression within the asymmetrical diatonic scale. As music progressed to the Romantic period, composers discovered ambiguity and symmetry within the 12 pitch classes and the flexibility of the chromatic scale. Chord contained intervals of the tritone that allows 2 (or more) directions for it to go creating ambiguity. Everything is governed and ruled by numbers. It's scary how "art" in the music form, when broken down, is purely just numbers that work within each other in a very organised system. It's crazy! *Head implodes* There's also Chamber where Pey Shin and I wish to do another piano duo (we're thinking Bartok and Weber....hard stuff!). Then there's history, and music, media & society...both requiring essays of 2,000 and 2,200 words respectively. Oh, and aural was strange. We were supposed to identify the rhythm and melody of a voice in a fuge...A FUGE! What the hell?! Easy stuff? Easy stuff my BUTT it's easy.........*dies* Kill me now! If I survive through this year I am going to jump for joy...and possibly shoot myself before next year which will probably be five times worse!

Time finished: 20:48
Listening to: "Overwhelmed" - Butterfly Effect <-- lol!
Mood: Exhausted

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Half-way through the Degree and waiting to go Home!

Time started: 13:40
Place: Still in my Adelaide room...dangit!
Listening to: "Best Day" - Carpark North
Weather: Freezing cold....ugh.
Mood: Euphoric

So I'm halfway through my degree! I can't believe how quickly time has flown by.
I think I'm doing well considering chronic fatigue syndrome. I'm getting decent grades. At times uni is overwhelming but I am learning to cope with it better and better :). I'm happy!
I think I've done well with my exams. The results aren't posted up yet but fingers-crossed, they will be soon. I felt like I knew what I was doing in the theory exam. I worked hard for my history essay on The Marriage of Figaro and the French Revolution for history. Pey Shin and I both had a ball playing Maurice Ravel's Mother Goose Suite for Chamber and the word of mouth is out that we did well. I didn't do as well as I wanted for my Classical Performance exam but I felt I did the best I could to give a good performance.

I gave my teacher, Lucinda a call a couple of nights ago. We had a discussion on my progress and she's starting to believe in me as a fine musician now. I worked so hard to show her that I deserved to be here and she's finally starting to see the musician in me now. :)
I was over the moon when she told me that I actually got my best result yet for my piano exam. This is great news for me because that means I got at least a Distinction! :D
I'm more happy about being recognised as a musician who enjoys what I'm doing than my grades though. I feel more confident and feel like I'm doing the right thing now.

Speaking of more good news...mum had her check up yesterday. She's given the all clear, can possibly start work again soon...and WE CAN FINALLY GO HOME! Right now I'm just waiting for the hospital to call me to confirm when mum and I are going home. They are taking a very long time to organise it. It's a little frustrating because mum and I are DYING to go home...

I took mum around Adelaide the past week. Pey Shin and I took her to Hahndorf and she enjoyed the scenery there. I also took her out to lunch yesterday and Steven joined us. We ate at Pancake Kitchen and she loved the Cajun chicken xD. We probably stayed there for more than an hour just chatting away about nonsense. And Steven, may I add that your haircut looks fine?! DON'T BE SAD ABOUT YOUR SHORT HAIR!

After lunch, and mum's check up, I took mum to the Botanical gardens and despite the cold, she enjoyed that too. She loved the flowers and trees. It was good to get her out of the house after being cooped up at home and at the hospital for so long. I think I may have exhausted her from all that walking though :S. Whoops...SORRY, MUM!

Speaking of more happiness...I am on a high from love. Eheheheh *blushes*.
I met his parents today. I was not expecting that, and I was nervous! However, they are very lovely! I liked them a lot!! I can see where he got his cuteness, humour and charm from =P.
I am hoping I left them a good impression while being myself. It was only a brief little chat though since I was kind of distracting them from dinner...oops. It was a good little chat though :D. I'm still on a little high from it, hours later xD.

Right now I'm busy uploading photos onto Facebook of my Singapore/Malaysia trip. It's about time. I should've uploaded them months ago! Looking back at these photos makes me miss my family. I hope I get to see them again soon. I have a wonderful family! It's getting bigger too with the new generation blooming :). *Clucks* Eheheheh...

Oh, oh! As I write...I just got a call from the hospital. MUM AND I ARE GOING HOME ON SATURDAY!!!! YAAAAAAAY!!! *Bounces up and down*

I don't know what this blog is really meant to be about. I just want to post something happy. I wanted to post something that makes me feel like I've accomplished good things. It's hard to imagine that only two years ago I was the most depressed, pessimistic, and unhappy girl and now I'm a happy clam :). It goes to show how much I've tried to change the way I approach and think of life and grow up :). I'm pleased :). I'm not saying I never have my low moments now...evidently I still do from my last entry...but at least I know how to pick myself up and make the best out of everything now :). Life is too short to thrive on your mistakes, misfortunes, or unhappiness. You could be spending the time spent on thriving on being happy and accomplishing good things in life no matter how big or small. It's never impossible :).

Time finished: 17:13 (I got distracted...)
Listening to: "Marching Bands of Manhattan" - Death Cab for Cutie
Weather: Still cold...
Mood: Chirpy

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I haven't updated in a sue me!

Time started: 00:40
Place: My bedroom
Listening to: My mother's snoring
Mood: Indifferent
Weather: Depressing...

Like the title of this blog says, I have updated in a while.
It's been an interesting past couple of months...I don't have all evening to update on everything so I guess I'll just write the highlights of each month.

I went to Perth for two weeks in April. The soul purpose was to visit Erin, and my aunt.
I stayed at Erin and Alan's apartment for the first week I was there. Her parents were there too. They took me around and I got to have a good glimpse of Western Australia, thanks to them :).
I celebrated my 21st early with Rin. We're twins after all, you see. The joint celebration had to be done.
I also caught up with Skyler, a high school friend who I haven't seen for 5 years. It was nice to have caught up with her.
The second week I stayed at my aunt's. My dad was down for a holiday too so it was good to have some time spent with him. They mostly took me around to eat good Chinese yum cha.

After the little holiday it was back to uni. It was a tough Term 2 for me. My health was deteriorating again with chronic fatigue syndrome from a mixture of stress, malnutrition to a small degree, and lack of sleep.

Soon April ended and thus came May. I celebrated my 21st in Adelaide, involving a relatively large gathering of friends for dinner, and karaoke afterwards. It was quite fun and I've never had such a big party before. I also had a humungous cake!

The happy period was brief, however. A couple of weeks later my mother was admitted to hospital due to severe haemorrhage in her brain. She was flown down to Adelaide for emergency surgery and was in the Intensive Care Unit for almost a week. By this time I was already very behind uni and my health was poor so this added a huge weight on my shoulders. I visited mum every single day at the hospital. It's so lucky it's just next to the university. I tried to be brave for her, trying not to show any signs of my own weak health and educational struggles. It's good that my mother is the strongest and bravest woman I know. She was sickeningly chirpy in hospital in fact. The nurses couldn't tell her to shut up enough from all her hyperactive chit chat!

The surgery was a huge success, 3 weeks later she was discharged and decided to reside with me.

June came. Exam season. I was well prepared for all my subjects except for the one that mattered the most: Classical Performance. I couldn't get the practise time with looking after my mother, travelling time, and chronic fatigue...I was on the verge of failing...
I didn't give up. I pushed myself to the extremes. I was practising 7-9 hours every day. I was not going to prove Lucinda right by failing.
My persistence and stubborness pulled me through and I did my exam with a good attitude. I played horribly...but regardless, I put on a good performance and Lucinda was more than pleased.

It is now July. It's winter. It's wet. It's cold. Mum is still here and doing well.
We're both incredibly homesick though. Mum's check up is on the 8th. If she gets the all clear we can go home straight after.

I'm tired. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Maybe the winter cold is dampening my spirits. I don't feel depressed, but I don't feel manic either. nostalgic feelings of bipolar are not present...
What I'm worried about is tonight I'm feeling a little apathetic about life. Maybe it's because I had a very long day today. It was a good day but I'm worn out. Pey Shin and I took my mum to Hahndorf. It could be the chronic fatigue that is making me feel this way but today's fatigue feels different for some reason. I've been thinking a hell of a lot for the past couple of nights. There has been, and will be a change of events. I should stop thinking. It's not doing me or anyone any favours. My indifference is turning to a great fear.

I'm fearing I will lose something that is very important to me...

Time finished: 01:07
Listening to: Mum snoring...
Mood: A little sad.