Time started: 23:52
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Weather: Cold
Mood: Worried
I have a bad track record of losing my things...
Last night I was practising in the cello room at uni and I think I've left my wallet there.
I searched for it all day...
I can use the excuse that I was severely sleep deprived and it was past midnight but I know that it's only because I'm the biggest, careless, hopeless, clutsiest person ever...
I pray my wallet will turn up soon...that's wishful thinking though...
When will I ever learn to look after my things?!
Time finished: 23:58
Mood: Depressed...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
An Emotional Ritual
Time started: 23:15
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Nothing
Weather: Cold and rainy
Mood: Lonely
I was meant to go to sleep two hours ago. I stayed up to watch a couple of movies instead.
Now I have come to the terms that I'm just not settling to go to sleep.
I have a 10am start tomorrow, and university doesn't finish til 9:30pm for me. Wednesdays suck...
Laying here missing you sucks more.
No matter how tired or busy I am, I can't stop missing you.
Feeling sad and alone has become an emotional ritual for me every night before I sleep...that can't be good for me...
Time finished: 23:14
Mood: Tired
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Nothing
Weather: Cold and rainy
Mood: Lonely
I was meant to go to sleep two hours ago. I stayed up to watch a couple of movies instead.
Now I have come to the terms that I'm just not settling to go to sleep.
I have a 10am start tomorrow, and university doesn't finish til 9:30pm for me. Wednesdays suck...
Laying here missing you sucks more.
No matter how tired or busy I am, I can't stop missing you.
Feeling sad and alone has become an emotional ritual for me every night before I sleep...that can't be good for me...
Time finished: 23:14
Mood: Tired
Menomena
Time started: 03:56
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: "Trigga Hiccups" - Menomena
Weather: Cold
Mood: Placid
I'm up at almost 4 o'clock listening to Menomena who I haven't really been listening to intently for a while (or even at all). I've always been in love with their songs "Wet & Rusting" and "My, My" but I never really paid much attention to their other songs.
After listening to both their albums in playing order, I've discovered how they put intricate details in their melody, harmony, and lyrics with the very simple arrangements of the drums, bass, piano, vocals, and the baritone saxaphone (quite a strange ensemble of instruments for an indie-rock band...). Though it may seem pretty boring and mundane at first listen, I've discovered their music can heighten the senses and produce some intensity stirred up inside a listener. Maybe I've just reached the level of the third plane of active listening that Aaron Copland famously models. I now understand not only the timbre and emotion that the music evokes, but I also understand the complete structure of it all and I can not learn to appreciate many forms of music.
*Shrugs*
Or it could just because I haven't listened to Menomena for a really long time so it all seems new again. But yeah, their music is great :).
Time finished: 04:02
Listening to: "West" - Menomena
Weather: Cold
Mood: Placid
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: "Trigga Hiccups" - Menomena
Weather: Cold
Mood: Placid
I'm up at almost 4 o'clock listening to Menomena who I haven't really been listening to intently for a while (or even at all). I've always been in love with their songs "Wet & Rusting" and "My, My" but I never really paid much attention to their other songs.
After listening to both their albums in playing order, I've discovered how they put intricate details in their melody, harmony, and lyrics with the very simple arrangements of the drums, bass, piano, vocals, and the baritone saxaphone (quite a strange ensemble of instruments for an indie-rock band...). Though it may seem pretty boring and mundane at first listen, I've discovered their music can heighten the senses and produce some intensity stirred up inside a listener. Maybe I've just reached the level of the third plane of active listening that Aaron Copland famously models. I now understand not only the timbre and emotion that the music evokes, but I also understand the complete structure of it all and I can not learn to appreciate many forms of music.
*Shrugs*
Or it could just because I haven't listened to Menomena for a really long time so it all seems new again. But yeah, their music is great :).
Time finished: 04:02
Listening to: "West" - Menomena
Weather: Cold
Mood: Placid
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Oil and Water
Time started: 22:52
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: The dog trudging somewhere around the house
Weather: Cold
Mood: Anxious
No matter how good my intentions were to wake up early to practise on the piano all day today, it just hasn't come to play.
In the morning, since it was a sunny day (which are very rare in Adelaide at this time of the year) I did my laundry. That probably took the whole morning.
In the afternoon, Irene asks me to help her with her Maths homework. I go upstairs and help her out but we get distracted by a deck of Uno cards...
I managed to do two hours of piano practise when Irene went to badminton, but I suddenly got tired and dreary and dinner had to be made.
So I made dinner which probably took over an hour (given that someone with a shocking immune system such as myself needs to have healthy meals). Then there's eating and doing the dishes...
Then Irene comes down again and asks for help with homework so I help her out again.
By the time this is done, it is 10:30pm...not really a good time to be bashing around the piano repetitively with other people in the house and neighbours around...
I am quite far behind learning my program. I won't say I will fail, but I am definitely not as prepared as I should be...the anxiety will continue to grow if life persists like this...
So...yeah...trying to practise 6 hours a day is possible, but it's very hard, especially if you want to stay a sane human being...
Piano practise and life is like oil and water. They just don't mix...
Time finished: 23:02
Listening to: Nothing
Mood: Drained
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: The dog trudging somewhere around the house
Weather: Cold
Mood: Anxious
No matter how good my intentions were to wake up early to practise on the piano all day today, it just hasn't come to play.
In the morning, since it was a sunny day (which are very rare in Adelaide at this time of the year) I did my laundry. That probably took the whole morning.
In the afternoon, Irene asks me to help her with her Maths homework. I go upstairs and help her out but we get distracted by a deck of Uno cards...
I managed to do two hours of piano practise when Irene went to badminton, but I suddenly got tired and dreary and dinner had to be made.
So I made dinner which probably took over an hour (given that someone with a shocking immune system such as myself needs to have healthy meals). Then there's eating and doing the dishes...
Then Irene comes down again and asks for help with homework so I help her out again.
By the time this is done, it is 10:30pm...not really a good time to be bashing around the piano repetitively with other people in the house and neighbours around...
I am quite far behind learning my program. I won't say I will fail, but I am definitely not as prepared as I should be...the anxiety will continue to grow if life persists like this...
So...yeah...trying to practise 6 hours a day is possible, but it's very hard, especially if you want to stay a sane human being...
Piano practise and life is like oil and water. They just don't mix...
Time finished: 23:02
Listening to: Nothing
Mood: Drained
Friday, August 20, 2010
Life is a Rollercoaster
Time started: 19:10
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: The rain outside, and the television campaigning the election tomorrow
Weather: Wet and dreary
Mood: Lethargic and unmotivated
"What goes up, must come down..." as the wise old Albert Einstein once said.
I've had my up of the holidays, seeing Levon again, spending time with family and friends, and having a positive start to the semester with productive and confident practise.
And now I'm at a low. Still sick with a 2 month cold, bones and muscles aching, failing to adapt to the cold, wet weather of Adelaide...I am feeling very unmotivated to practise. The past couple of days I've been really sluggish, spending most of my time in bed sleeping for hours on end...all of it is unrefreshing.
Tension among people continues. Those around me are experiencing some of their greatest woes, stress, grief...everything negative imagineable. You name it...
My mother called me quite recently telling me that my 100 year old grandfather fell down the stairs in Malaysia and is currently in a critical condition.
I want to go back to Malaysia. My aunt from the US whom I have not seen for 12 years is finally returning and taking Mei Ling with her back to the states. University is in the way...
All this is getting to me and I often find myself depressed while I'm alone. I occupy my thoughts with unhappiness and it paralyses me. It weighs me down, and I am unable to move.
I find solace in talking to my family and friends, but even they seem to be so far from reach.
I need to get on with my life. This is ridiculous. Why is everything stopping me from doing what I need to do? It's in the norm for even some of the strongest and happiest of people to experience some downs in their life...
I'm looking forward to my next up in life, whenever that may be...
It's ironic how it's life that's always in the way of living life...
Time finished: 19:22
Listening to: Random conversations on TV
Mood: Zombiefied
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: The rain outside, and the television campaigning the election tomorrow
Weather: Wet and dreary
Mood: Lethargic and unmotivated
"What goes up, must come down..." as the wise old Albert Einstein once said.
I've had my up of the holidays, seeing Levon again, spending time with family and friends, and having a positive start to the semester with productive and confident practise.
And now I'm at a low. Still sick with a 2 month cold, bones and muscles aching, failing to adapt to the cold, wet weather of Adelaide...I am feeling very unmotivated to practise. The past couple of days I've been really sluggish, spending most of my time in bed sleeping for hours on end...all of it is unrefreshing.
Tension among people continues. Those around me are experiencing some of their greatest woes, stress, grief...everything negative imagineable. You name it...
My mother called me quite recently telling me that my 100 year old grandfather fell down the stairs in Malaysia and is currently in a critical condition.
I want to go back to Malaysia. My aunt from the US whom I have not seen for 12 years is finally returning and taking Mei Ling with her back to the states. University is in the way...
All this is getting to me and I often find myself depressed while I'm alone. I occupy my thoughts with unhappiness and it paralyses me. It weighs me down, and I am unable to move.
I find solace in talking to my family and friends, but even they seem to be so far from reach.
I need to get on with my life. This is ridiculous. Why is everything stopping me from doing what I need to do? It's in the norm for even some of the strongest and happiest of people to experience some downs in their life...
I'm looking forward to my next up in life, whenever that may be...
It's ironic how it's life that's always in the way of living life...
Time finished: 19:22
Listening to: Random conversations on TV
Mood: Zombiefied
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
To My Friends
Time started: 22:56
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: My clock ticking
Mood: Loved
I just took a nice long, warm, shower and I haven't felt this good in days being sick and all. It made me think about how good certain people make me feel. Haha, that turned out kind of wrong, didn't it....no-one needs to know how I feel while taking a shower xD.
So here's a testimonial to my friends who have done little things for me that did wonders to how I've been feeling. I've been really sick the past week and I've also been miserable missing Levon and some other "crap". You may not realise the little things that you do are all that matters...
Here's some friends worth honourable mentions for the past week or so:
Angie-pants: It was fun catching up with you in three different cities in a period of a month. It has been a while since we did things like this together. I'm glad you're still as bubbly and fun as ever. Thanks for showing Levon and I around in Melbourne in a period of an hour. And thanks for the random sms's that never fail to lift my spirits, even when I'm at my lowest.
Becky: You were great while I was down in Melbourne. You're still great now that I'm back in Adelaide. You understand the sadness I'm going through. Your concern for me is second to none. You've made me part of your family. You're a sweetheart and thanks for giving me the blessing of meeting our little nephew, little Liam! Thank you, Zombecca!
Bin Bin: Your constant messages, phone calls, and meetings just to see how I'm feeling, and the urgency to make me feel better is amazing. With the crap you have to go through yourself I can't imagine how you still have all that kindness just to be there for me at any chance you could. Your loyalty is astounding and your ability to listen has gotten me through.
KeKe: I'm touched by your persistence to be there for me even when I say I don't need it. Behind the crazy and bizarre things you do that frankly, make you look like a douche (no offense!), there is your ability to care (even when you say you don't) and your genuine compassion for others. I'm so glad that you've become such an important friend to me. I don't care how crazy you are, I'm proud to call you my friend.
Pey Pey: It's no surprise that you're listed here. You've been amazing over the years. I couldn't have dealt with this hard music course without you. You never hesitate to offer me a helping hand in all aspects of life. You had to go through so much of my sickness, my crying...everything, with so much concern. Thanks for the phone call just to see how I'm feeling and just for a chat. I'm sorry I'm worrying you with my absence. I will get better soon.
Rin Rin: My twin! I know you check up on me on msn whenever you suspect that I am in a low. You don't know how much a little "*heart*" or a "Hey" means to me. If only you'd stop being sick whenever I'm sick. We're both sick way too often. Please get better soon so we can continue having our routine hawt, vigorous buttsecks on the beach when we're both back in Darwin! *thrustthrustthrustthrustthrust!*
Tokyo-viking: Björn Björn! You're always up for a chat and that's all I need. You spread so much of your life, laughter, and love across the globe. You never put up with this sadness nonsense and do everything you could to eliminate it with your fun and playful nature. Thanks for your positive outlook in life. May you find what you're looking for in Japan!
And last, but not least...LeLe: After your three weeks of vacation with me, I cannot fathom why you still love me but I'm not going to complain. I'm sorry that you have to go back to heck loads of work...I hope you're coping okay. Your committment and dedication has moved me from one universe to another and is simply beyond my comprehension. I don't think I'd quite know what I'd be doing with my life without you. Now I have a direction because of all your love and support. Indescribeable is what you are to me. Calling you my other half would be an insult. You are my everything (you can all bag me out for being a wet lump of cheese, if you want...I don't care...), and for the squillionth time...I love you... *infinite hugs and kisses*
I tried to add a heart symbol at the end of each paragraph but html settings would't let me. LAME! Just envision a heart at the end of every paragraph yourself :P.
For anyone who I have not mentioned, please note that you are no less important to me than those I've mentioned. It's just that these guys have been wonderful over the past week and a half for me. I haven't forgotten about you.
Time finished: 23:48
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: My clock ticking
Mood: Loved
I just took a nice long, warm, shower and I haven't felt this good in days being sick and all. It made me think about how good certain people make me feel. Haha, that turned out kind of wrong, didn't it....no-one needs to know how I feel while taking a shower xD.
So here's a testimonial to my friends who have done little things for me that did wonders to how I've been feeling. I've been really sick the past week and I've also been miserable missing Levon and some other "crap". You may not realise the little things that you do are all that matters...
Here's some friends worth honourable mentions for the past week or so:
Angie-pants: It was fun catching up with you in three different cities in a period of a month. It has been a while since we did things like this together. I'm glad you're still as bubbly and fun as ever. Thanks for showing Levon and I around in Melbourne in a period of an hour. And thanks for the random sms's that never fail to lift my spirits, even when I'm at my lowest.
Becky: You were great while I was down in Melbourne. You're still great now that I'm back in Adelaide. You understand the sadness I'm going through. Your concern for me is second to none. You've made me part of your family. You're a sweetheart and thanks for giving me the blessing of meeting our little nephew, little Liam! Thank you, Zombecca!
Bin Bin: Your constant messages, phone calls, and meetings just to see how I'm feeling, and the urgency to make me feel better is amazing. With the crap you have to go through yourself I can't imagine how you still have all that kindness just to be there for me at any chance you could. Your loyalty is astounding and your ability to listen has gotten me through.
KeKe: I'm touched by your persistence to be there for me even when I say I don't need it. Behind the crazy and bizarre things you do that frankly, make you look like a douche (no offense!), there is your ability to care (even when you say you don't) and your genuine compassion for others. I'm so glad that you've become such an important friend to me. I don't care how crazy you are, I'm proud to call you my friend.
Pey Pey: It's no surprise that you're listed here. You've been amazing over the years. I couldn't have dealt with this hard music course without you. You never hesitate to offer me a helping hand in all aspects of life. You had to go through so much of my sickness, my crying...everything, with so much concern. Thanks for the phone call just to see how I'm feeling and just for a chat. I'm sorry I'm worrying you with my absence. I will get better soon.
Rin Rin: My twin! I know you check up on me on msn whenever you suspect that I am in a low. You don't know how much a little "*heart*" or a "Hey" means to me. If only you'd stop being sick whenever I'm sick. We're both sick way too often. Please get better soon so we can continue having our routine hawt, vigorous buttsecks on the beach when we're both back in Darwin! *thrustthrustthrustthrustthrust!*
Tokyo-viking: Björn Björn! You're always up for a chat and that's all I need. You spread so much of your life, laughter, and love across the globe. You never put up with this sadness nonsense and do everything you could to eliminate it with your fun and playful nature. Thanks for your positive outlook in life. May you find what you're looking for in Japan!
And last, but not least...LeLe: After your three weeks of vacation with me, I cannot fathom why you still love me but I'm not going to complain. I'm sorry that you have to go back to heck loads of work...I hope you're coping okay. Your committment and dedication has moved me from one universe to another and is simply beyond my comprehension. I don't think I'd quite know what I'd be doing with my life without you. Now I have a direction because of all your love and support. Indescribeable is what you are to me. Calling you my other half would be an insult. You are my everything (you can all bag me out for being a wet lump of cheese, if you want...I don't care...), and for the squillionth time...I love you... *infinite hugs and kisses*
I tried to add a heart symbol at the end of each paragraph but html settings would't let me. LAME! Just envision a heart at the end of every paragraph yourself :P.
For anyone who I have not mentioned, please note that you are no less important to me than those I've mentioned. It's just that these guys have been wonderful over the past week and a half for me. I haven't forgotten about you.
Time finished: 23:48
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tick...tick...tick...tick...
Time started: 21:04
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Clock ticking...
Weather: Cold enough for me to whine.
Mood: Lonely
I haven't updated this blog for 4 months...
Here's a brief update:
I've moved out in April and I'm loving my new place. The family I live with is lovely too.
I had my 22nd birthday. I can't remember what I did to celebrate...nothing much.
Last semester was the hardest semester I've ever encountered in my tertiary educational life...but I got through it, barely.
Levon came to visit me for three weeks last month. They were the happiest and most natural three weeks of my life.
Well it's been a week since I said goodbye to him and since I've arrived back to Adelaide to continue with uni.
I'm alone in my room, missing Darwin, missing my parents, missing my friends, missing him...and I've realised that the ticking of the clock is the loneliest sound in the world. It is reminding me of all the spaces between. It is reminding me how long it has been...how much further away those times have been...and how much longer it will be...
I'm feeling a bit empty right now. Uni and uni friends are keeping me going, helping the time pass by, but I still can't help feeling really lonely and empty inside. I'm relying on the ticking of the clock to motivate me...
I have no problem picking my spirits up when I'm with my friends but when I come home to a room with an unmade bed, overloaded laundry basket, a piano with sheet music sprawled all over, and the deafening silence accompanied by the dead-pan, mechanical ticking of the clock...I can't help but feel I'm alone again and I start missing the most important people, places, and things in my life.
Tick...tick...tick...
I don't even want to think about how many more seconds it will be til I feel alive again...
Time finished: 21:22
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Clock ticking...
Weather: Cold enough for me to whine.
Mood: Lonely
I haven't updated this blog for 4 months...
Here's a brief update:
I've moved out in April and I'm loving my new place. The family I live with is lovely too.
I had my 22nd birthday. I can't remember what I did to celebrate...nothing much.
Last semester was the hardest semester I've ever encountered in my tertiary educational life...but I got through it, barely.
Levon came to visit me for three weeks last month. They were the happiest and most natural three weeks of my life.
Well it's been a week since I said goodbye to him and since I've arrived back to Adelaide to continue with uni.
I'm alone in my room, missing Darwin, missing my parents, missing my friends, missing him...and I've realised that the ticking of the clock is the loneliest sound in the world. It is reminding me of all the spaces between. It is reminding me how long it has been...how much further away those times have been...and how much longer it will be...
I'm feeling a bit empty right now. Uni and uni friends are keeping me going, helping the time pass by, but I still can't help feeling really lonely and empty inside. I'm relying on the ticking of the clock to motivate me...
I have no problem picking my spirits up when I'm with my friends but when I come home to a room with an unmade bed, overloaded laundry basket, a piano with sheet music sprawled all over, and the deafening silence accompanied by the dead-pan, mechanical ticking of the clock...I can't help but feel I'm alone again and I start missing the most important people, places, and things in my life.
Tick...tick...tick...
I don't even want to think about how many more seconds it will be til I feel alive again...
Time finished: 21:22
Monday, April 5, 2010
*Smiles*
Time started: 21:26
Place: My room (Brahma Lodge, Adelaide)
Listening to: "Good to Sea" - Pinback
Weather: Humid and breezy
Mood: All smiles :)
I was struggling with life towards the end of last year. Financial and health problems went completely down the drain. I was on the verge of insanity.
Now things are changing. After working my arse off during the summer holidays with three jobs (doing almost double full time) I've saved up enough to get by and help my parents out. I've also found a new place to move out.
From now on I will be living in Wattle Park with a very nice family where I have the underground compartment of their mansion all to myself :). I will also be able to practise on the piano as much as I want without having to worry about pestering anybody around me. They just wanted to help me out after what I've gone through. When I went to their place last night for dinner I couldn't help but cry with tears of joy. I was overwhelmed with their friendliness and my very sudden change in luck. The landlady gave me a hug and said that she'd treat me like a daughter and I just cried some more. Not only is the place beautiful, but the neighbourhood is as well. I will get to do a lot of walking around and feeling at ease!
Now I can focus on getting back on track with life. I've been scraping through with uni, making all ends meet and going from high distinctions to barely passing. Now I can finally enjoy playing the piano like I used to and show that I actually do love music and I'm not just playing notes. Now I can go buy myself lunch when I'm out without having to worry about whether I'll have enough money to pay the rent. Now I don't have to spend the majority of my days trying to stay awake from lack of sleep and be on public transport to uni and back. And now I can reassure my mother that I am fine, and I also don't have to worry about her and her health since she is on her way to making a full recovery. The happiness and the peace of mind certainly helps.
My mother is down for three weeks because she has some medical check ups at the hospital and also to help me out a little with my moving out....oh yeah, and for a holiday of course. 90% of my packing is done so now we can just chillax in the last remaining days of what has been the place I've lived in Adelaide for nearly 4 years (that has caused me a lot of stress and grief but will miss it all the same).
To my two housemates who have lived with me the entire time, Jarrad and Ryan, I thank you both for your patience and gratitude of having me as a housemate. It was really an experience, both good and bad. I really will miss you guys even if you guys don't think so. Please keep in touch and if you won't, I will!
Another thing to look forward to (and it will be the highlight to my entire year): Levon is visiting me in July for three weeks. It's been over a year since I've seen him and the long wait of not having to miss each other (even if it's only for temporarily short period of time) will soon be over!
For those who are in similar situations to what I've been through before right now, and I am aware there are some of you out there...stick it out. Things will turn out soon. There are always people around you, friends, family, teachers, who are willing to help you as much as they can so don't give up hope! I know I've found my friends, family and teachers who I can depend on. They know who they are :). <3>
Time finished: 21:54
Listening to: "The Widow" - The Mars Volta
Mood: Lucky
Place: My room (Brahma Lodge, Adelaide)
Listening to: "Good to Sea" - Pinback
Weather: Humid and breezy
Mood: All smiles :)
I was struggling with life towards the end of last year. Financial and health problems went completely down the drain. I was on the verge of insanity.
Now things are changing. After working my arse off during the summer holidays with three jobs (doing almost double full time) I've saved up enough to get by and help my parents out. I've also found a new place to move out.
From now on I will be living in Wattle Park with a very nice family where I have the underground compartment of their mansion all to myself :). I will also be able to practise on the piano as much as I want without having to worry about pestering anybody around me. They just wanted to help me out after what I've gone through. When I went to their place last night for dinner I couldn't help but cry with tears of joy. I was overwhelmed with their friendliness and my very sudden change in luck. The landlady gave me a hug and said that she'd treat me like a daughter and I just cried some more. Not only is the place beautiful, but the neighbourhood is as well. I will get to do a lot of walking around and feeling at ease!
Now I can focus on getting back on track with life. I've been scraping through with uni, making all ends meet and going from high distinctions to barely passing. Now I can finally enjoy playing the piano like I used to and show that I actually do love music and I'm not just playing notes. Now I can go buy myself lunch when I'm out without having to worry about whether I'll have enough money to pay the rent. Now I don't have to spend the majority of my days trying to stay awake from lack of sleep and be on public transport to uni and back. And now I can reassure my mother that I am fine, and I also don't have to worry about her and her health since she is on her way to making a full recovery. The happiness and the peace of mind certainly helps.
My mother is down for three weeks because she has some medical check ups at the hospital and also to help me out a little with my moving out....oh yeah, and for a holiday of course. 90% of my packing is done so now we can just chillax in the last remaining days of what has been the place I've lived in Adelaide for nearly 4 years (that has caused me a lot of stress and grief but will miss it all the same).
To my two housemates who have lived with me the entire time, Jarrad and Ryan, I thank you both for your patience and gratitude of having me as a housemate. It was really an experience, both good and bad. I really will miss you guys even if you guys don't think so. Please keep in touch and if you won't, I will!
Another thing to look forward to (and it will be the highlight to my entire year): Levon is visiting me in July for three weeks. It's been over a year since I've seen him and the long wait of not having to miss each other (even if it's only for temporarily short period of time) will soon be over!
For those who are in similar situations to what I've been through before right now, and I am aware there are some of you out there...stick it out. Things will turn out soon. There are always people around you, friends, family, teachers, who are willing to help you as much as they can so don't give up hope! I know I've found my friends, family and teachers who I can depend on. They know who they are :). <3>
Time finished: 21:54
Listening to: "The Widow" - The Mars Volta
Mood: Lucky
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Waiting
Time started: 21:27
Place: Living room (Adelaide)
Listening to: The television
Weather: Nippy
Mood: Indifferent
Waiting is one of the most unpleasant feelings. While you wait, you ponder. While you ponder, other uncertain feelings can arise. Doubt, inconfidence, anxiety...
Waiting can also increase anticipation, that can only increase the likelihood of disappointment in the end.
Waiting is time wasted. Dead time.
One of life's greatest miseries is waiting...
Time finished: 21:34
Listening to: Breeze
Mood: Unmotivated
Place: Living room (Adelaide)
Listening to: The television
Weather: Nippy
Mood: Indifferent
Waiting is one of the most unpleasant feelings. While you wait, you ponder. While you ponder, other uncertain feelings can arise. Doubt, inconfidence, anxiety...
Waiting can also increase anticipation, that can only increase the likelihood of disappointment in the end.
Waiting is time wasted. Dead time.
One of life's greatest miseries is waiting...
Time finished: 21:34
Listening to: Breeze
Mood: Unmotivated
Friday, November 13, 2009
How Are You Living Your Life?
Time started: 23:43
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: Silence
Mood: Grief
It's been a week since Victor's death. He died in a car crash Saturday, 7th November and it's taken its time to sink in for me...
His death impacted a lot on his family and friends, including myself, even though I wasn't that close to him.
However, I grew up with him, saw him at school every day, and he would always be up for a friendly chat.
He was one of the nicest person I knew and had a big heart. It just seemed so unfair he had to go like this and so soon...
Too young, too early...
Needless to say, I've had a bit of a rough week but I can't compare against his family and close friends. I simply can't...
I just saw a video of the news and it hit me like a truck on how real his death is. He is really gone...
I just can't comprehend that...
Here's the link I saw: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=203350576101&ref=mf
I'm just kicking myself I watched it through facebook...
He just turned 21, studying civil engineering at uni, and had so much to live for...and suddenly he's gone...
Everyone expects to live their life to the fullest, living day to day making plans, dreaming, expecting, worrying...and they just don't realise how fragile life can be...
I know I'm one of those people. I live every day worrying about my future. Stressing out about everything. Making my own life miserable with the smallest things...
Over the past month all I've been doing is whining about how hard university is, about how hard it is to cope with my chronic fatigue, now all that just seems too mundane and shallow and Victor's death gave me a whole new perspective in life. Death is very real and no matter how hard you work and worry to give yourself a good life, you are just never in control, no matter how much you want to be...
I hate how the news just make his death at a statistic...
"The NT road toll now stands at 28 compared to 69 at the same time last year." I mean...yeah, it's a road toll statistic but it's another life gone. It's a death of a human being. A life loved by friends and family. A son, a brother, a friend. A life filled with hopes, thoughts, dreams, ambition. A life that was never lived full and suddenly taken away tragically...
However I'm glad to have found an article that was a bit more sensitive about his death: link http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2009/11/10/99711_ntnews.html
It's nice to know that not all journalists see him as a number but as a human being...
His funeral is tomorrow back in Darwin and I'm stuck in Adelaide worrying about handing in essays, doing assignments, and preparing for exams...
The best I can do is to write a silly blog entry...
I guess my aim is to forget about my stupid essays for a while and take the time to commemorate the life of a young man who was kind and caring who did so much for his family, friends, and the community, and to provide you all with the message that life should never be taken for granted. Please remember to laugh, love and live every day.
Time finished: 00:12
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: Silence
Mood: Grief
It's been a week since Victor's death. He died in a car crash Saturday, 7th November and it's taken its time to sink in for me...
His death impacted a lot on his family and friends, including myself, even though I wasn't that close to him.
However, I grew up with him, saw him at school every day, and he would always be up for a friendly chat.
He was one of the nicest person I knew and had a big heart. It just seemed so unfair he had to go like this and so soon...
Too young, too early...
Needless to say, I've had a bit of a rough week but I can't compare against his family and close friends. I simply can't...
I just saw a video of the news and it hit me like a truck on how real his death is. He is really gone...
I just can't comprehend that...
Here's the link I saw: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=203350576101&ref=mf
I'm just kicking myself I watched it through facebook...
He just turned 21, studying civil engineering at uni, and had so much to live for...and suddenly he's gone...
Everyone expects to live their life to the fullest, living day to day making plans, dreaming, expecting, worrying...and they just don't realise how fragile life can be...
I know I'm one of those people. I live every day worrying about my future. Stressing out about everything. Making my own life miserable with the smallest things...
Over the past month all I've been doing is whining about how hard university is, about how hard it is to cope with my chronic fatigue, now all that just seems too mundane and shallow and Victor's death gave me a whole new perspective in life. Death is very real and no matter how hard you work and worry to give yourself a good life, you are just never in control, no matter how much you want to be...
I hate how the news just make his death at a statistic...
"The NT road toll now stands at 28 compared to 69 at the same time last year." I mean...yeah, it's a road toll statistic but it's another life gone. It's a death of a human being. A life loved by friends and family. A son, a brother, a friend. A life filled with hopes, thoughts, dreams, ambition. A life that was never lived full and suddenly taken away tragically...
However I'm glad to have found an article that was a bit more sensitive about his death: link http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2009/11/10/99711_ntnews.html
It's nice to know that not all journalists see him as a number but as a human being...
His funeral is tomorrow back in Darwin and I'm stuck in Adelaide worrying about handing in essays, doing assignments, and preparing for exams...
The best I can do is to write a silly blog entry...
I guess my aim is to forget about my stupid essays for a while and take the time to commemorate the life of a young man who was kind and caring who did so much for his family, friends, and the community, and to provide you all with the message that life should never be taken for granted. Please remember to laugh, love and live every day.
Time finished: 00:12
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