Fangie's Rambles

Spring Cleaning

2011-10-25T02:16:00.003+10:30

Time started: 02:17

Place: My room (Wattle Park)

Listening to: "End of the World (Xilent Remix)" - Alex Metric ft. Charli XCX

Weather: Cold and windy

Mood: Exhausted

Spring is my least favourite season for multiple reasons:

1. Pollen - The devilish cause of my frequent multiple sneezes, itchy eyes, runny nose, and fatigue.

2. Weather - Bipolar in nature, it is hard to predict whether it will be sunny, windy, rainy, hot, cold, or in between. My body's thermostat just cannot cope with the sudden, contrasting, and extreme changes.

3. Cleaning - I never understood why this is the season to clean but everyone seems to clean at epic proportions during this time of year. Perhaps everyone is too lazy or cold to clean during Winter and mess piles up. I know this was the reason for me, anyway.

Well it took me two days just to clean my room. I am at fault for procrastinating for the majority of two of the days though. 284 sneezes later, my room is finally clean and tidy! I still haven't cleaned the kitchen yet and I still have to do the dishes and laundry!

Over the past few years I have developed very bad habits of being messy. I am going to have to correct these habits before I move back home to live with mum in Darwin because she has severe OCD. I much prefer being in a clean and tidy environment anyway (as I guess it would be the same for anyone, really).

I really should stop making such mundane entries...it's just too bad there's nothing interesting happening in my life right now. The next month or so will surely have improvements for the Interesting Radar...

Time finished: 02:29

Lance Dossor Prize

2011-10-11T01:28:00.002+10:30

Time started: 01:28

Place: My room (Wattle Park)

Listening to: "Ondine" from Gaspard de la Nuit - Ravel

Weather: Cold
Mood: Dazed

I participated in a piano competition for the first time in over 6 years today.
I probably played the best I've ever played in front of people for a really long time.

I think I surprised a lot of people because I'm mostly catastrophic and a shaking dog on the stage and for the first time ever I actually had a lot of fun playing on the piano in front of Lucinda! It has been a long time since I've felt this way on stage.

I didn't win of course, I didn't expect to win but I never cared about winning. Today I played the best I could and that is a win for me.

I hope for my recital I will be at least 10 times better than I was today :).

Time finished: 01:35

Light Switch

2011-09-30T05:42:00.002+09:30

Time started 05:42

Listening to: String Quartet no. 1 "City Streets" - Chris Larkin

Weather: Stormy

Mood: Hurt

It's scary how some people can just forget about you or dismiss you as quickly as a flick of a switch. The word "friends" is so easily tossed around these days. Are people really friends or is it just convenient to be social?

Time finished: 05:44

Chocolate

2011-07-29T05:17:00.002+09:30

Time started: 05:18

Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Weather: Cold but fine

Mood: Restless

There's always too much of a good thing...
I went to Cocolat with some friends tonight at about 10pm and probably had too much chocolate. Had iced mocha and Tiramisu.

Now I can't sleep.

Note to self for future reference: Never have chocolate past 9pm at night...

Time finished: 05:20

/fail.

2011-07-27T12:09:00.004+09:30

Time started: 12:11

Place: My room (Wattle Park)

Weather: Fine

Mood: Lethargic

I've been sick and nauseous for a week. First time I've been sick with a cold or flu all year.

My phone has been "sick" for about a week too. Mum tried to call but she couldn't hear me at all from her end.
I've been having much difficulty receiving and sending text messages too. It's a pity...it's quite a good phone.

Oh well, I'll just keep it now as a spare. It still works really well as a modem.

I guess I now have an excuse to buy a new phone...which I did. So much for saving money this year...

I will soon be a new Crackberry owner.

I bought a Blackberry Bold 9780 unlocked and brand new on ebay for $260 including postage. This is the most I've ever spent on a phone and I sort of regret it because I'm not that rich. Pretty darn good considering Telstra's selling it for $750 and the rrp is like $999. I hope it's as good as the reviews have raved. I didn't want to join the bandwagon of having an iPhone 4. I like QWERTY keyboards anyway and this smartphone is designed to be a smartphone and not some well-marketed piece of crap. I've always been a Nokia user up til now but Nokia hasn't been making great phones lately. I'll give Blackberry a try. I've been messing with Levon's phone which is a Blackberry. I liked what I saw so far.

The review will come once I get it and use it :).

Time finished: 12:24

My American Adventure

2011-07-25T00:53:00.005+09:30

Time started: 00:54

Place: My room, (Wattle Park)

Weather: Cold

Mood: Reminiscent

I came back from the United States a couple of weeks ago.

I was there for a month to visit Levon and meet his family. I had the time of my life.

His parents were so friendly to me. I felt like I was part of the family straight away!

Their home was beautiful. They lived on top of a hill at Pismo beach that overlooks both the mountains and the beach.

The time that Levon and I had was fun and very revealing with the fact that we are both definitely in love and compatible.

We had serious talks about how to progress our relationship. There's no doubt the next few years will be hard still being apart but we can see the end of the long distance relationship now. We're going to make it work.

USA is a pretty awesome country (but I've only been in California and Washington). However, Australia wins hands down for being a better country to live in.

I'll go through what I did in the States.

His parents took me to some of their favourite places to dine. My first impression on American food was they were overwhelmingly huge! Take away...or should I say "food to go" was a constant term used in post-dining out experiences.

Went skydiving with Levon and his mother. There's really nothing to be afraid of with Skydiving. It was the most amazing thing ever and the view was absolutely stunning! I'd definitely do it again and highly recommend it with EVERYONE!

Levon and I flew up to Washington to meet his extended family and friends. Washington is amazingly beautiful and green. I met his family up in Lacey and his friends in Olympia and Tumwater. I fell in love with his cousin, Daniel's Border Collie x Australian Shepherd named Mika. I spoke Cantonese to his aunt Maggie and his grandmother. It was a riveting experience. We watched a baseball game in Tacoma and went up the Space Needle and Pikes Markets in Seattle. It was a very inviting and laid back place. Besides the dismall weather, it was a wonderful place to be.

San Francisco is a colourful city in every sense of the word. It has colourful buildings, colourful culture, and the language they used was also colourful.

Yosemite Valley was more beautiful than I could imagine. We had an awesome tour guide named Karen who was genuinely very friendly and excited to be our tour guide. She knew what she was doing and she really wanted us to have a good time. It was nice meeting the other campers too. There were two Kiwis, a British family, and a fellow Australian. I took about 700 photos in the valley. The views were breath-taking. The hikes were hard but we did ourselves proud at the end (even though we were unable to walk without wincing in pain for a couple of days after).

Monterey & Carmel was probably beautiful if it wasn't for the appalling weather and tour guide. The tour guide loved the sound of his own voice and spoke of nothing of interest. He even described toilets...or should I say "restrooms".

We headed back to Pismo Beach just to relax from all the touring we did. I met a lot of his parents' friends for 4th of July and witnessed spectacular fireworks and the patriotism of American residents.

The last leg of my journey involved going back down to the LA area. We first went to Disneyland for 14 hours trying to do as much as we can. It was undoubtedly fun even though I didn't really have an interest to go in the first place. All the rides, shops, costumes were very finely done with an uncanny, exceptional attention to detail.

I met up with my friend Catherine who was an exchange student a couple of years ago. It was good to catch up with her. She showed me around Huntington Beach and the South Coast Shopping mall. We chatted and reminisced about Australia.

The last day involved seeing the Hollywood sign, walking the star walk down Hollywood Boulevard, and killing time in a bowling alley before my flight.

Levon and I held each other for an hour crying at the airport...

I stopped by in Melbourne before heading home to spend time with Rebecca and her family. It was good to see William all grown up. The last time I saw him (besides before going to the US) was about a year ago when he was just a few days old! It was so nice to spend time with the Colliers and just do fun things with them like baking, watching movies, playing Munchkin and going out to nice places for food.

I'm pretty sad to be back. Back to reality. Back to depressing Adelaide, and university.

If possible, I'd turn back time and re-live my month in the USA to be with Levon in a heartbeat...it sucks suddenly being alone and without him again...

I have the future to look forward to though, and now I just have pleasant memories and a couple of thousand photos. One thing is for certain...he is in my future and we love each other. I guess that's all that matters.

Time finished: 01:17

Mood: Content

The Truth Hurts

2011-05-18T23:07:00.004+09:30

Time started: 23:08

Place: My dining room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)

Listening to: "Something About Us" - Daft Punk

Weather: Cold

Mood: Pondering

A discussion with an old friend of mine lead me to think about lies that people tell. He claims that knowing the truth is much better than not knowing and forever wondering but the look on his face has an interesting way of proving his point.

People take up their entire lives searching for the truth with a million questions:

- Does he/she feel the same way?

- Does this make me look fat?

- Am I really bad at doing this?

- Is there a God?

- What is my purpose in life?

- Is he/she the one?

- What do people really think of me?

- When/how will I die?

We ask these questions because we're searching for the truth...and often the truth is not something we want to hear, so why do we search for these answers if we're happier not knowing? What preparations can we actually make by knowing the truth?

I told a friend of mine a truth that I knew he did not want to hear yet he persisted on knowing and talked me into it saying it'll do him more good than harm, that I have to be cruel to be kind. So I did, which only lead to more unnerving questions. His face told me a story of nothing but hurt and regret as a response to my answer.

We've all been there before...searching for a truth, and disappointed with what we'd find. Are we really happier not knowing or being lied to? Do people really move on from a truth that pains them to the core? There are two kinds of people in these situations:

- People who build a bridge and get over it, or

- People who don't, walk through the rapid stream and plummet down the waterfall.

The truth hurts and it can either make you or break you. I'm finding myself more cynical with more painful truths. What's the point if there's nothing in it for you or others? So, ignorance is bliss or knowledge is power? How should one live their life? More questions...

I guess the best way is to think, with every crisis comes an opportunity.

However I'm yet to know what that opportunity is...

Time finished: 23:24

Dad

2011-05-11T02:42:00.003+09:30

Time started: 02:42am

Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)

Weather: Cold

Mood: Melancholic

I just had a conversation with my uncle Fook Tow. I only got to know him a little in January/February during my trip in Malaysia. We had a long conversation about the importance of life, family, and my dad.

Bringing up the subject of my dad is always hard. I have so many mixed feelings towards him. There are parts of me who resent him for all the years of neglectful attitude towards me and the responsibilities and duties of being my father. There are parts of me where I'm embarrassed by him because he can never swallow his pride and he is a hard person to be around and deal with. But there's an even greater part of me that wants to reach out to him and provide him with the love and respect he has never received his entire life. I know that love and respect has to be earned, but no-one has ever given my dad a chance. It's no wonder he is such a bitter and defensive person. Growing up in a big family full of half-cast siblings of a different mother, being the only uneducated one out of him and his ten siblings, having severe dyslexia and never understanding why he can never progress, marrying a woman who's never loved him, and never get to see his only daughter who never really has much to say to him. He lives alone in a rented apartment in a village full of pensioners where he is surrounded by nothing but his collection of model cars. It never really dawned on me just how unhappy he really is.

I will never get to know the feeling of growing up with parents who love each other and have an unbroken marriage. I will never know the feeling of having a father who would teach me how to do things or point me in certain directions in life. I can ponder, wonder, and imagine all I like, but while I'm doing that, I have a father who is hurting more than anyone can see from the surface and probably needs his daughter's love more than anything in the world. I know I don't give him many chances or opportunities. I do try, but I know I don't try hard enough. If a little respect and love is all he needs to build him some self-esteem and happiness then I will provide him that because it's so much more simpler and so much more easier to forgive than remembering unhappy memories of the past and seeing the negatives.

I will give my dad a call tomorrow.

Time finished: 03:17

Bipolar

2011-05-05T18:16:00.003+09:30

Time started: 18:19

Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)

Listening to: The clock ticking

Weather: Cold

Mood: Undecided

One minute I'm laughing, the next minute I'm crying.

One minute I'm excited, the next minute I'm unmotivated.

These ups and downs are wearing me out.

I need help of any form.

What do I want? What do I need? I don't know any more.

I'm split into two directions and neither is making me happy.

Someone just tell me what I'm supposed to do...

Whatever I say or do just never seems right.

I've never been so confused.

Time finished: 18:24

Hypocrisy

2011-03-27T00:16:00.002+10:30

Time started: 00:09
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Weather: Starting to get cold
Mood: Self-conscious

Have you ever realised how easy it is to pick on others' faults? The stuff we dislike about them? It is so easy to say horrible things about others but I wonder how many of us stop to think about the horrible things we say or do ourselves? Aren't we the same? It is so easy to see bad things in other people and we are blinded by the good things we believe to be in ourselves...
My faults are aplenty.
I'm struggling to see anything good about me right now, however. I've been reminded why I'm always so self-conscious.
I never want to practise in Elder Hall ever again. At least that's how I feel...

Time finished: 00:11

My Life is Full of Plain Bad Timing

2011-03-20T22:54:00.004+10:30

Time started: 22:54
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: Crickets chirping
Weather: A little nippy
Mood: Heartbroken

I spoke to Levon today who had to bear me with bad news.
Something important came up for him in November, the same month he was going to come visit for my final recital, but now he can't go.
Life sucks...but at least our lives are a million times better than those affected by the massive earthquake in Japan. My whole world still exists, at least...
It would've been nice to see him more than once this year but I guess our tradition of seeing each other only once a year lives on...

Time finished: 22:57

Speculation on Alternate Realities

2011-03-08T00:33:00.002+10:30

Time started: 00:34
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Cricket bugs.
Weather: Hot
Mood: Speculative

So I've been watching movies like De ja vu, Star Treck, The Oxford Murders, and reading random stuff about space and time and how there are random 6 hours that appear in space.

This makes me wonder...it is theoretically possible to time travel/exist in more than one place/time thus it is possible to have a co-existing reality. This brings up my theory of the universe having no/many absolute truths which I guess is similar to the Buddhist belief of no God/many Gods. I guess either way could be true because I believe that whatever people believe in, whether they're Atheist or Christian, to be true. Why do people spend so much time arguing to each other about who's religion is right and wrong? Everyone is so convinced they are right that it seems illogical for them to find that they're wrong. Can't we just for the sake of argument and exploring the truth just sit back and think for a second that maybe everyone is both right and wrong? It doesn't seem logical that people can exist in more than one place, or time travel, or that time is not linear, yet it is theoretically (with very specific calculations) possible!

Why do we experience De ja vu? Is it because in a reality we've already gone through the same path we are crossing now?

Why are there random 6 hours that appear out of nowhere in space? I reckon those 6 hours are for the choices we could have made and the alternate fate exists in an alternate reality, ie. the extra 6 hours in our galaxy.

Why are there theories about wormholes and time travelling and how it's theoretically possible to exist in more than one place? The evidence in quantum physics is sound. This proves that time is not linear. It's not even three dimensional. It's just endless and is in the light. It's just everything. There really is an eternity and God, this Diety, a force, an unexplainable energy, whatever people want to call it exists in eternity. This also allows me to speculate that there are unlimited ways each and every one of us have lived our lives. I don't know if our co-existences ever cross paths, but I guess in a sense it does which is why people get de ja vu. It could be moments that cannot be changed or simply just haven't changed. Whether or not we can individually change our destinies, I wouldn't know, but I think there are many destinies for one person. They just don't occur simultaneously in one reality.

I would love to call myself a Christian because I do believe in God, and I do believe in Jesus dying for our sins, the Bible and stuff like that but I am still too open minded to except the fact that it is the only way for people to live their lives spiritually. It's hypocritical, I know...but I just can't fault other people's beliefs and their way of finding spiritualism either so to this very day I am still a Buddhist. I don't believe God just damns people to hell. I'm not even sure if I see him as a humanoid diety. Is there really a heaven and hell? I think there is an afterlife but I don't know about Judgement day or singing Angels with a pearl gate, and flaming pool of fire with a horned Satan. I think we all make a path for our souls. I don't know...it's hard to explain. I just think people should stop hating each other and telling each other what to believe and find whether they're right or wrong. We should all just let things be and just be the best possible person we can be. Why is it "against God's will" to be a Buddhist trying to find out what the truth is and showing compassion for others and helping each other all we can? Why would that be Satan deceiving people? Not necessarily the Buddhist way, but Islam, Hinduism etc. All religions have something in common which is compassion. Everyone is different and have different lifestyles, why can't we just all accept this and just let people live the way it is suited for them instead of shoving hate down everyone's throats? If we stop complicating things in our minds and our soul, and just empty everything in our head, it would probably be a lot easier to discover our truths. Like one of the Buddhist sayings "The cup needs to be empty in order to be filled."

Time finished: 01:05
Mood: Tired

Being Overseas is so tiring...

2011-01-21T01:47:00.006+10:30

Time started: 23:17
Place: My temporary room at my uncle's (Subang Jaya)
Listening to: The noise of the television downstairs.
Weather: Very warm.
Mood: Exhausted.

Being on vacation is meant to be a time for one to relax and recuperate but why do I feel so tired?
I think it's routine for people in Malaysia to wake up early, eat out, go shopping (or work all day and THEN go shopping), come home, go out to eat again, come home, go out to eat again, come home and watch movies until 2am then sleep for 3 hours and repeat. How do these people do it?! I'm exhausted! My migraines and signs of chronic fatigue are more evident here. I'm ready to drop dead. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a wonderful time with my family but I just don't have the energy to do this...and I've only been here for three days!

The food here is amazing though. So far since I arrived I've eaten Chinese Malay, Vietnamese, Cantonese, Szechuan, Indian and Japanese food. All of them are very authentic too and sublime to eat. I'm surprised with how bloated you'd actually feel with such small servings.

The family and I went out to this Japanese club at the city for dinner. The food and presentation was amazing...I had raw salmon and crab on top of sushi rice, chicken tempura sided with miso soup and some weird egg thing with random vegetables inside. It was soooo good. The restaurant was really cool. The walls were actual paper screens and there were bookshelves everywhere completely filled with manga. The waitresses were so friendly and had permanent smiles on their faces too (and no, they were Malay, not Japanese, but the chefs were all Japanese). We were the only ones (besides the waitresses) who weren't Japanese. It really felt like we were in Japan.

After dinner we went to visit distant relatives of mine and they have like a mansion worth twenty million. As soon as you step in through the gates you see eight cars parked outside (yes, I did say eight) and they were all brand new and were brands like Mercedes Benz, Audi, Alfa Romeo, Ben Lee, Volkswagen, BMW, Peugeot, and Porsche. My jaw dropped immediately...these cars would've cost at least a million or two each (in Malaysia the tax on cars is ridiculous, something like 300%). Then I step into the house and the living room is at least the size of a standard house and is about 20m tall! They had a giant Christmas tree in the middle (only it was decorated with giant peonies and they called it the Chinese New Year Tree) and the owner had his own portrait painting 4x the human size hanging on the wall as if he was the sultan or something. He had 2 miniature toy sized poodles, 3 labradors (gold, chocolate and black) and a German shepherd (all imported from Australia). He had two swimming pools at the back, marble floors, bullet proof glass windows that give you a complete view of his yard outside (which looks like some kind of Botanic Gardens) with automatic curtains (and the curtains were ridiculously fancy too), two grandfather clocks, about 5 massaging chairs and don't even ask me how many couches there were and I haven't even seen what the house looked like upstairs. There are probably 50 rooms up there...I couldn't believe it. I felt like I stepped into Buckingham palace...he had a ballroom and two function rooms and another separate living room downstairs with a cinema sized plasma tv...where did all his money come from?! I felt so awkward there...they acted like normal, every day people. Well of course they are normal people....just incredibly rich normal people... :/ I didn't know I had billionaire distant relatives...it's amazing how one side of my family are humble, not very well off country folk, and the other side are filthy rich city folk...the world doesn't make any sense to me...

As lovely and amazing as that house was, I felt really uncomfortable so I was glad when it was time for us to get out of there...

Now that we're home, everyone's watching more movies. Isn't it time for bed?! It's almost midnight and they've started watching movies. The plan for tomorrow is waking up early, eating out, shopping, continue eating out, continue shopping, come home, eat out, come home and stay up late for more movies. How do these people do it?! I'm completely and utterly knackered!

Time finished: 00:39
Mood: Knackered!

First Day in Kuala Lumpur!

2011-01-18T21:18:00.004+10:30

Time started: 20:40
Place: My temporary room at my Uncle's place (Subang Jaya, Kuala Lumpur)
Listening to: The ceiling fan blowing above me.
Weather: Fine
Mood: Exhausted.

After many delayed flights we finally made it to Kuala Lumpur at around 1:30am. We got home just past 3am and I didn't go to sleep until 4am in this strange room where I've never been.

I was quite annoyed to be woken up by dad at 8:30am. He was very excited to go out shopping.
Waking up extremely sleep deprived and deflated, I detested my father this very morning as I hesitantly made myself a mug of bland milo (seriously, it just tasted like hot water with a hint of the milo essence despite putting 3 heaped tablespoons of it and "Australian made" milk).

My aunt took us out for breakfast and I had fried kwey teow and "ice tea". The Malaysian form of ice tea in that particular venue appeared to be Tetley tea with lots of milk and sweeteners and whole chunks of ice that fill 3/4 of the glass. Wow...I was expecting something along the lines of Lipton lemon ice tea or something which was what I was hinting at. Oh well...I will not deny that the ice tea was certainly interesting tasting. It wasn't bad, actually. Just something I'm not used to. Just think of it as an English breakfast with lots of ice! The fried kwey teow was really nice! Something like this in Australia would probably cost at least $9 and after the exchange rate I paid like $1.30 for the meal. It also tastes 10 times better since it's authentic!

After breakfast, we took a taxi (teksi in Malay) to KLCC shopping centre (you know...where the twin towers are made famous by that Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones movie "Entrapment"). My dad and the taxi driver were having a conversation in full flight the whole way. Too bad it was all in Malay...all I understood in the 20 minute conversation was "police station" (polis stesen...haha, figures!). We hopped off right outside the twin towers that towered over the both of us (no pun intended!). I couldn't help but giggle after picturing Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones falling off at the link between the two towers, just like in the movie. As you step in you'll immediately feel out of place if you've always been a conservative spender like me! Tiffany & Co., Gucci, Prada, Georgio Armani...all these high class top notch brands that only the richest of the rich could afford...
Dad took me in to see all these watches with brands I've never heard of. There was one watch that costs RM84,500 (which is over $28k in Aussie dollars!)!!!! It just looked like an ugly and fat piece of metal with hands and numbers so pretentiously designed it would even shame the Avant-garde period! Ridiculous for a gadget to tell the time, if you ask me...ah well...Bill Gates would probably buy it...probably...
We soon left that shopping centre. I mean, it was out of our league anyway (you even have to pay to use the public toilets and to wipe your shoes on their door mats! Okay, I'm kidding about the door mat part but they might as well!). We then walked around two other shopping centres (one called The Pavillion and the other...uh...I can't remember, sorry!). Dad bought me a $50 watch. It was still a lot more than what I'd pay for a watch but I was grateful he wanted to buy me a nice gift :). I'm just glad it's not over $20k!
Soon we caught another taxi to go to Sunway Pyramid. This time we got a taxi driver that spoke Hakka so it was another 15 minutes of intense conversation between the driver and my dad. Thankfully I understood about 70% of the conversation since Hakka is one of the languages I speak. They were discussing the cost of living and my dad was just saying how expensive everything is in Darwin (he went on about overpriced Bok Choy for yonks which was a little amusing!) but how much he gets paid being a humble cleaner and how well he's looked after by the government. At the end of that topic I was a little confused as to whether he was for or against Australia's quality of life...
The Pyramid is strange because you'd that the building resembles a Pyramid (obvious reason why it's called Pyramid) with the Sphynx at the front...and then you'd see a bunch of red Chinese lanterns being hung everywhere outside because it's approaching Chinese New Year, and there's Starbucks and Bubba Gump Shrimp stores outside so.......the building just looks like it's having a severe identity crisis. Still, the building looks impressive as far as commercialism goes.

The shops here were more middle class citizen friendly. There were even some familiar stores that I'd see in Australia such as Diva, The Body Shop, Harvey Norman etc...
First we had lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant and the food was great! I had grilled lemongrass NZ beef with noodles (identity crisis again? Kiwi beef!). It tasted really good though and the service was fantastic.
Then we went browsing around a variety of shops and I bought myself two cook books (one was for microwaving food...I figured it'd help while I'm still studying at uni) and the other one was 200 low calorie recipes (I should probably watch my weight after all the weight I've gained!). Then after hours of walking around my feet were killing me (the shoes were a bit tight around my toes) and I could feel them forming blisters. We sat and had a drink then it was off to shop some more again! I managed to buy myself two dresses for Chinese New Year (it's tradition to wear new clothes to start the CNY). I found it miraculous that they fit me (I'm overweight) because although I'm not...I'm grotesquely obese in Malaysia!

Dad and I were worn out by the end of the day. I must say I'm impressed with the shopping environment here but so far with no patch of blue sky in sight all day and congested traffic it was a little worrying with how much of the toxicity of the air has entered into my blood stream from this one day alone. Ah well...worrying about it isn't going to make me any healthier.

I came home ready to sleep, but of course I had to get ready to go have dinner with the family. With only 4 hours of sleep and 8 hours of shopping I'd rather drop dead on the bed there and then.

We went to a local restaurant just around the corner. I tried frog for the first time. Frog as an Asian delicacy in a nutshell: It looks like chicken, and tastes like fish. The taste wasn't bad...but having grown up in Darwin with frogs everywhere you turn, I couldn't cut the image of a cute green tree frog hopping about with the smile-like appearance for the face...I couldn't eat another piece. I probably would've vomited...
The rest of the food was quite nice though, and I drank so much green tea! It is definitely nice to end the day with a good pot of green tea.
There was five of us eating with five dishes which complimentary peanuts and pickles for starters, water melon for dessert and a pot of green tea, it only cost RM77.70 in total! That's like $25 AUD! That would only be enough for one person in Australia dining in a fine cuisine Chinese restaurant with food that doesn't taste anywhere near as good!

I shouldn't be surprised. This is like my 19th time I've visited Malaysia and I'm aware of the high cost of eating out in Australia. Mind you, the average person here only earns like RM700 a MONTH! I earn $700 a week at SUBWAY so I guess it doesn't really matter. The difference is still remarkable though.

Anyway, I'm finally home so I'm ready to go to sleep. Dad wants another shopping marathon tomorrow so I got to rest up and be prepared! My poor feet...

Time finished: 21:38
Mood: Incredibly exhausted...

Heartbroken...

2011-01-14T23:25:00.003+10:30

Time started: 22:28
Place: Living room (Darwin)
Listening to: The television
Weather: Okay, I guess...
Mood: You can read the title, right?

My own best friend didn't believe in me. It's all just empty words...the things that people say to be nice to you...

I try so hard and I'm never good enough in anyone's eyes...

Time finished: 22:29

I need to start running...

2011-01-14T00:10:00.002+10:30

Time started: 23:29
Place: Living room (Darwin)
Listening to: Advertisements on the television.
Weather: Fine and warm
Mood: Sluggish

I have a horrible track record with health.
I still have chronic fatigue syndrome and I constantly get cluster migraines.
My heart rate is also high which suggests that I am very unfit and my cholesterol has also gone off the roof for the first time. I've also been feeling depressed lately...I'm worried I will be clinically depressed again and anti-depressants never helped me.
I've noticed I've gained a significant amount of weight and I'm a little worried about my health not only for the short term, but for the long term as well.

There are many things I want to see and do and I've got a full life ahead of me so I need to change certain lifestyle habits of mine.

I would like to run again. I don't just mean a kilometre or two...I would like to eventually gradually be able to run a marathon. It's easier said than done and the fact that I've sprained my left ankle 14 times certainly will not help...

I'm tired of never completing my goals so I'm going to write this in my blog and set this to stone. I don't care if it takes me several years to achieve this but I'm determined to be able to reach this goal of mine.

I think I generally eat well so I don't really need to change too much about my eating habits. I certainly need to drink more water though.

I will not use horrible weather as an excuse to stop me anymore. If the weather's bad, I'll do something indoors to keep myself fit.

Anyway, I will start this exercise regime after I return from Malaysia on the 13th of February. That will be the day I will change my life for the better. Hopefully this one little exercise program can change my life in all aspects around.

Time finished: 23:38
Mood: Determined

Living up to Expectations

2011-01-10T12:45:00.006+10:30

Time started: 11:45
Place: My room (Darwin)
Listening to: Monsoonal rain outside
Weather: Monsoonal rain
Mood: Useless

I'm home in Darwin. Christmas was alright. New Year sucked. I worked.

Sometimes I wish my parents could read....I know that's a horrible thing to say...but I feel so pressured to help them out all the time and they don't even appreciate it.
Today I'm stressed because mum got her package of her central locking remote for her car which I helped her order. She screams at me after opening the package saying "YOU GOT THE WRONG ONE! IT'S NOT THE SAME!" Of course it's the same, it just doesn't have the side coverings because you're supposed to use the old existing one. I told her this and even showed her the model number....it's exactly the same. And she calls me a "stupid, smelly cunt" in Chinese in the process as per usual. Pardon my language...
Later, she believes me for a while, but starts checking over it again with her half blindness. And screams at me again saying the numbers are not the same. I scream back to put her glasses on and stop assuming I'm stupid and useless.

Today she wanted me to help out my uncle to get him a washing machine because he's old and almost blind and deaf. The problem is, today is the last day I have to proof read Meiling's essay for college in the states. Mum's sister, my aunt, Meiling's mum, called her and cried about it worrying Meiling will fail so mum is also like "you have so much spare time! Teach Meiling English!" And so I told her I have to help Meiling today and she's like "You're so ungrateful, you just don't want to help your uncle!"
I'm thinking wtf....Meiling has to hand in her essay like a couple of hours from now! It's pissing outside! She expects me to drive my uncle around all of Darwin in this weather without her freaking out?!

And then my dad calls while I'm helping Meiling, and it's just to ask if I can help him buy model cars on ebay!

I spent 9 hours 2 days ago helping Meiling write her bloody essay and mum goes I'm not practicing piano....Then I practice piano and she's like I'm stopping her from watching tv....
And last night I go out with friends and I was home before midnight and she complains that I'm enjoying myself too much with my friends and I got home far too late and it was the first time I've even seen them all holidays! My lift home was Erin. She expects my friends to jeopardise their time for me to get home early for mum? If that was what she wanted she could've at least let me drive there! What does she expect?

Also, I can't do Honours at uni because mum can't wait for me that long....I really wanted to do Honours....but I have to come home and work and support her because she can't read and she's broke and needs me to look after her...it's fair enough, she does need me, she is sick and stuff...but I'm just bloody sick of her stressing me out like it's the end of the world every 5 minutes and screaming at me calling me a stupid, smelly cunt in Chinese...

She blames her behaviour on menopause. Well I know plenty of other women out there going through menopause...and they don't scream at their daughter every five minutes over nothing and calling them horrible things...

One day dad called, and she picked up, and she immediately screamed at him "I'M SLEEPING, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT! YOU'RE A NUISANCE!"
And she wonders why dad chucked a hissy fit at her....
And it was 2pm, it wasn't like an unreasonable time for him to call...

My dad's not much better. He only calls me when he wants me to help him purchase model cars on ebay or when he needs something...nice to see you too, dad...

He comes to our home, using up my time, my computer, my internet, my paypal account for me to help him order some vintage Matchbox model car that only ships to the US. What's worse is he is using Levon to get the model car shipped to his PO box before forwarding the parcel to my dad...Levon...my boyfriend...using him...
I get mad at dad and he accuses me of not wanting to help him...

I tell mum that I want to visit Levon some time this year and that his parents really want to meet me and I want to meet them and she goes "you enjoy life too much, you should focus on uni..."
And I'm like "Well if you want Levon in my future then you should let me visit him instead of making us see us once every two years!"

You know...life would just be a lot better if my parents knew how to read...either that or I had a couple of other siblings to share the weight on my shoulders...there's only so much stress I can handle.

I'm not perfect but I'm most certainly not a "stupid smelly cunt" as my mother would always call me when I don't quite make it up to her standards. I know I'm wrong a lot of the time but that never gave her the right to put me down like this. I happen to have feelings in case she didn't notice...I would happily help her out with everything if she didn't complain so much. It's not that much to ask...

Time finished: 12:12
Listening to: the clicking of the fan
Mood: Teary

Separation Anxiety

2010-11-07T00:25:00.002+10:30

Time started: 01:29
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: Nothing
Weather: Warm
Mood: Yearning

I try not to cry...but I miss him so much.
I'm scared this isn't going to work...

God, please help me :(.

Time finished: 01:31

Where Has the Year Gone?

2010-11-01T00:34:00.005+10:30

Time started: 00:34
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: The clock ticking
Weather: Cold but fine
Mood: Stressed

Is it really the first of November already? Where has this year gone? What have I done?
I can't even play any of my pieces in my program for my technical exam yet...and I've had these pieces all year!

I don't know what is wrong with me. It's like my short term memory for learning doesn't exist.
I would practise for hours and hours every day and when I think I've nailed something by the end of the night (I can play a section with my eyes closed) I forget it the next day, and I'm learning from scratch again...it's really frustrating!

There are only 15 days til the date I was scheduled to do my exam but it seems that I will have to resort to yet again another medical supplementary exam...this is really not what I want...

I just don't understand why I can't do this...it's not like I'm not trying. Yes, there are days when I slack off, but doesn't everyone have those days? I practise my arse off almost every day...and I've had these pieces for the whole darn year...I've even taken up Bikram yoga to help me get back into better health but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know what to do...this chronic fatigue syndrome is stopping me from doing so much...

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I'm not exactly retarded either...I don't get why I can't learn like everyone else. Yes, I'm a little on the slow side but no progress? Really?! What the hell is wrong with me?!

Lucinda thinks I need to take a year of absence and do single studies for a year to regain my health....put my studies on halt again? Like doing 3rd year over 2 years isn't enough of a breeze for me?! I'm going to be 23 next year...23 without a degree. 24 going 25 by the time I graduate...taking a leave of absence is definitely not on my mind! I need to get out of university with a degree and make a living...I can't be a student forever. I need to start on my future NOW! As soon as I can if I want a better chance with being with Levon...

Speaking of Levon, he has been so busy lately. I hardly get to talk to him. It's like our relationship isn't the same anymore. I know it's something neither of us could help...we both have so much to do in our own lives but I hate how we're both so separate now and not just in terms of distance. I know I do talk to him almost every day but it's always the same every day...we say hi, we do cutesy emoticons and emote actions like *huggles* and *snuggles* and *kisses* and *smooches* and all those disgusting cheesy stuff that you'd expect from Care Bears or Barney. We exchange I love yous every day. It seems beautiful and perfect, right? I don't see it that way. It's like I don't know him. I don't know about his day. I don't know the things that make him happy or frustrates him. I don't know where our relationship is going...at the moment it just seems to be obliviously running around in circles, like a goldfish circling around the fishbowl...
Let's face it. Even though we've been together almost two years and still love each other to death we hardly know each other. We can't experience the joys and pains the same way most couples do. We don't have that opportunity to argue or grow together. To a small degree we can through conversation but it's just not the same. This scares me every day...we're blinded by distance and act purely on feelings alone.
I guess I long for something different in our relationship. It's just that every day it's the same and what's the point? It would just be nice if he'd tell me about his day or his random fleeting thoughts. When I tell him about mine he always reacts the same way like he's avoiding a discussion. It's just a *hugs* or a *pounce* like he's not listening...he often doesn't know what to say...I probably also long some kind of a plan for him. He's just taking things as they go and it's not really enough for me...I need to know what's going on. I need some kind of a direction from him...I don't care whatever the hell it is, it can be anything...I just need something...I can't just hang on for years waiting for something to happen...

*Sigh* I don't know...I'm just not a go with a flow kind of person...
I'm not very assertive either so it's not fair on him if he has no idea what I want. I don't tell him. I guess that's the same with him. He doesn't tell me either. We're both just stuck in limbo pretending that we're happy...

Anyway...I better start being happy so I can focus on my exams and get them over and done with...life would be so much better after I get this damn degree...

Time finished: 01:06
Mood: Tired...

Toss and Turn

2010-10-06T02:53:00.004+10:30

Time started: 02:54
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: Silence
Mood: Restless

My daily routine is worrying about not having enough time.
Not having enough time to practise and learn all my pieces, to sleep, or do things that keep me sane.

It's ironic that I keep myself awake to give myself more time, yet the efficiency of my performance is decreased dramatically. Not surprising at the least.

So what is the balance? I'm struggling to find it. I'm feeling the unhealthy lethargic phase again. I took up Bikram yoga, and I love it. So far it's not helping though. I just end up feeling more tired...

Why am I tired? I've tried praying. I eat well. I'm thinking more rationally while I'm stressing about studies, I don't know...

I'm just so burned out.

I went to bed at 9pm because I was unable to keep myself awake any longer. I woke up at midnight and was not happy about that because I was hoping to have refreshing sleep til 6 or 7 to practise in the morning before my first piano lesson for this term. I tossed and turned in bed til 2am. It is now 3am and here I am updating this blog with another depressing, negative entry.

There are some positives in my life though. I've been hanging out with Matthew and Kenan a lot. We'd often be at Matt's place baking cakes, watching movies, acting in the most bizarre and immature way possible. They've given me many memories to look back upon for my university life. These memories will definitely override the stress and torment I've had studying the piano.

I can't wait til the end. I've worked so far for it. Life will be kind to me after all this hard work. It will pay off. I need this motivation to get me through. All this will be worth it in the end.

Time finished: 03:12
Mood: A little more fired up

For Kenan

2010-09-15T04:14:00.004+09:30

Time started: 04:45
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Mood: Worried

For my beloved friend, Kenan whom I love dearly,

I am sad that you are going through so much crap right now. For someone as happy and strong-minded as you, it pains me to see you so go through all this and be affected by the negatives in life to the point of an emotional wreck.

For all the times you have been there for me in a heartbeat, it pains me that I am unable to do the same. All I can do is sit here in my room praying that you'll be all right and write you a silly little blog entry dedicated to you...

However, it goes without saying how much you mean to me. In the very short time we have gotten to know each other, I've discovered what a beautiful person you are. You have already become one of my best friends and an important person in my life. Your kindness, love, sentiment and compassion for others is astounding and knows no bounds and it amazes me how much you dedicate yourself for others. You've also given me so many memories to look back and laugh upon.

I can only hope that one day I and others will be able to do the same for you.
Life is short, and complicated. Life will always have turn of events that will bring you to tears. It isn't fair for you to be strong for others all the time, neither is it possible. The greatest pain is knowing when someone you love is hurting and not knowing what to do to help. I know that this kind of pain affects you everyday. It pains me to see you hurting too. Please, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, someone to scream at, someone to show your instability side to because you can no longer hide it, I can be that friend you need. In fact, I want to be that friend you need because someone as special as you needs a little help from a friend, especially after all that you've done for me.

So Kenan, htfu! I don't care! Just kidding...you know I do. I care so much that it keeps me up at night.

God has been very kind to me allowing me the course of fate running into you and making you my friend. You really are a blessing. I love you, Kenan!

May our adventures of random food runs, mischief, and double scissors continue endlessly :).

Love always,
Min

Time finished: 05:05

I Don't Ever Learn...

2010-08-27T23:50:00.003+09:30

Time started: 23:52
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Weather: Cold
Mood: Worried

I have a bad track record of losing my things...
Last night I was practising in the cello room at uni and I think I've left my wallet there.
I searched for it all day...
I can use the excuse that I was severely sleep deprived and it was past midnight but I know that it's only because I'm the biggest, careless, hopeless, clutsiest person ever...
I pray my wallet will turn up soon...that's wishful thinking though...

When will I ever learn to look after my things?!

Time finished: 23:58
Mood: Depressed...

An Emotional Ritual

2010-08-24T23:15:00.003+09:30

Time started: 23:15
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Nothing
Weather: Cold and rainy
Mood: Lonely

I was meant to go to sleep two hours ago. I stayed up to watch a couple of movies instead.
Now I have come to the terms that I'm just not settling to go to sleep.
I have a 10am start tomorrow, and university doesn't finish til 9:30pm for me. Wednesdays suck...
Laying here missing you sucks more.
No matter how tired or busy I am, I can't stop missing you.
Feeling sad and alone has become an emotional ritual for me every night before I sleep...that can't be good for me...

Time finished: 23:14
Mood: Tired

Menomena

2010-08-24T03:55:00.002+09:30

Time started: 03:56
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: "Trigga Hiccups" - Menomena
Weather: Cold
Mood: Placid

I'm up at almost 4 o'clock listening to Menomena who I haven't really been listening to intently for a while (or even at all). I've always been in love with their songs "Wet & Rusting" and "My, My" but I never really paid much attention to their other songs.
After listening to both their albums in playing order, I've discovered how they put intricate details in their melody, harmony, and lyrics with the very simple arrangements of the drums, bass, piano, vocals, and the baritone saxaphone (quite a strange ensemble of instruments for an indie-rock band...). Though it may seem pretty boring and mundane at first listen, I've discovered their music can heighten the senses and produce some intensity stirred up inside a listener. Maybe I've just reached the level of the third plane of active listening that Aaron Copland famously models. I now understand not only the timbre and emotion that the music evokes, but I also understand the complete structure of it all and I can not learn to appreciate many forms of music.

*Shrugs*

Or it could just because I haven't listened to Menomena for a really long time so it all seems new again. But yeah, their music is great :).

Time finished: 04:02
Listening to: "West" - Menomena
Weather: Cold
Mood: Placid

Oil and Water

2010-08-22T22:50:00.005+09:30

Time started: 22:52
Place: My room (Wattle Park)
Listening to: The dog trudging somewhere around the house
Weather: Cold
Mood: Anxious

No matter how good my intentions were to wake up early to practise on the piano all day today, it just hasn't come to play.
In the morning, since it was a sunny day (which are very rare in Adelaide at this time of the year) I did my laundry. That probably took the whole morning.
In the afternoon, Irene asks me to help her with her Maths homework. I go upstairs and help her out but we get distracted by a deck of Uno cards...
I managed to do two hours of piano practise when Irene went to badminton, but I suddenly got tired and dreary and dinner had to be made.
So I made dinner which probably took over an hour (given that someone with a shocking immune system such as myself needs to have healthy meals). Then there's eating and doing the dishes...
Then Irene comes down again and asks for help with homework so I help her out again.
By the time this is done, it is 10:30pm...not really a good time to be bashing around the piano repetitively with other people in the house and neighbours around...

I am quite far behind learning my program. I won't say I will fail, but I am definitely not as prepared as I should be...the anxiety will continue to grow if life persists like this...

So...yeah...trying to practise 6 hours a day is possible, but it's very hard, especially if you want to stay a sane human being...
Piano practise and life is like oil and water. They just don't mix...

Time finished: 23:02
Listening to: Nothing
Mood: Drained

Life is a Rollercoaster

2010-08-20T19:04:00.003+09:30

Time started: 19:10
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: The rain outside, and the television campaigning the election tomorrow
Weather: Wet and dreary
Mood: Lethargic and unmotivated

"What goes up, must come down..." as the wise old Albert Einstein once said.

I've had my up of the holidays, seeing Levon again, spending time with family and friends, and having a positive start to the semester with productive and confident practise.

And now I'm at a low. Still sick with a 2 month cold, bones and muscles aching, failing to adapt to the cold, wet weather of Adelaide...I am feeling very unmotivated to practise. The past couple of days I've been really sluggish, spending most of my time in bed sleeping for hours on end...all of it is unrefreshing.

Tension among people continues. Those around me are experiencing some of their greatest woes, stress, grief...everything negative imagineable. You name it...
My mother called me quite recently telling me that my 100 year old grandfather fell down the stairs in Malaysia and is currently in a critical condition.
I want to go back to Malaysia. My aunt from the US whom I have not seen for 12 years is finally returning and taking Mei Ling with her back to the states. University is in the way...
All this is getting to me and I often find myself depressed while I'm alone. I occupy my thoughts with unhappiness and it paralyses me. It weighs me down, and I am unable to move.
I find solace in talking to my family and friends, but even they seem to be so far from reach.

I need to get on with my life. This is ridiculous. Why is everything stopping me from doing what I need to do? It's in the norm for even some of the strongest and happiest of people to experience some downs in their life...

I'm looking forward to my next up in life, whenever that may be...

It's ironic how it's life that's always in the way of living life...

Time finished: 19:22
Listening to: Random conversations on TV
Mood: Zombiefied

To My Friends

2010-08-03T22:56:00.007+09:30

Time started: 22:56
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: My clock ticking
Mood: Loved

I just took a nice long, warm, shower and I haven't felt this good in days being sick and all. It made me think about how good certain people make me feel. Haha, that turned out kind of wrong, didn't it....no-one needs to know how I feel while taking a shower xD.

So here's a testimonial to my friends who have done little things for me that did wonders to how I've been feeling. I've been really sick the past week and I've also been miserable missing Levon and some other "crap". You may not realise the little things that you do are all that matters...

Here's some friends worth honourable mentions for the past week or so:

Angie-pants: It was fun catching up with you in three different cities in a period of a month. It has been a while since we did things like this together. I'm glad you're still as bubbly and fun as ever. Thanks for showing Levon and I around in Melbourne in a period of an hour. And thanks for the random sms's that never fail to lift my spirits, even when I'm at my lowest.

Becky: You were great while I was down in Melbourne. You're still great now that I'm back in Adelaide. You understand the sadness I'm going through. Your concern for me is second to none. You've made me part of your family. You're a sweetheart and thanks for giving me the blessing of meeting our little nephew, little Liam! Thank you, Zombecca!

Bin Bin: Your constant messages, phone calls, and meetings just to see how I'm feeling, and the urgency to make me feel better is amazing. With the crap you have to go through yourself I can't imagine how you still have all that kindness just to be there for me at any chance you could. Your loyalty is astounding and your ability to listen has gotten me through.

KeKe: I'm touched by your persistence to be there for me even when I say I don't need it. Behind the crazy and bizarre things you do that frankly, make you look like a douche (no offense!), there is your ability to care (even when you say you don't) and your genuine compassion for others. I'm so glad that you've become such an important friend to me. I don't care how crazy you are, I'm proud to call you my friend.

Pey Pey: It's no surprise that you're listed here. You've been amazing over the years. I couldn't have dealt with this hard music course without you. You never hesitate to offer me a helping hand in all aspects of life. You had to go through so much of my sickness, my crying...everything, with so much concern. Thanks for the phone call just to see how I'm feeling and just for a chat. I'm sorry I'm worrying you with my absence. I will get better soon.

Rin Rin: My twin! I know you check up on me on msn whenever you suspect that I am in a low. You don't know how much a little "*heart*" or a "Hey" means to me. If only you'd stop being sick whenever I'm sick. We're both sick way too often. Please get better soon so we can continue having our routine hawt, vigorous buttsecks on the beach when we're both back in Darwin! *thrustthrustthrustthrustthrust!*

Tokyo-viking: Björn Björn! You're always up for a chat and that's all I need. You spread so much of your life, laughter, and love across the globe. You never put up with this sadness nonsense and do everything you could to eliminate it with your fun and playful nature. Thanks for your positive outlook in life. May you find what you're looking for in Japan!

And last, but not least...LeLe: After your three weeks of vacation with me, I cannot fathom why you still love me but I'm not going to complain. I'm sorry that you have to go back to heck loads of work...I hope you're coping okay. Your committment and dedication has moved me from one universe to another and is simply beyond my comprehension. I don't think I'd quite know what I'd be doing with my life without you. Now I have a direction because of all your love and support. Indescribeable is what you are to me. Calling you my other half would be an insult. You are my everything (you can all bag me out for being a wet lump of cheese, if you want...I don't care...), and for the squillionth time...I love you... *infinite hugs and kisses*

I tried to add a heart symbol at the end of each paragraph but html settings would't let me. LAME! Just envision a heart at the end of every paragraph yourself :P.

For anyone who I have not mentioned, please note that you are no less important to me than those I've mentioned. It's just that these guys have been wonderful over the past week and a half for me. I haven't forgotten about you.

Time finished: 23:48

Tick...tick...tick...tick...

2010-08-01T21:03:00.005+09:30

Time started: 21:04
Place: My room (Wattle Park, Adelaide)
Listening to: Clock ticking...
Weather: Cold enough for me to whine.
Mood: Lonely

I haven't updated this blog for 4 months...
Here's a brief update:
I've moved out in April and I'm loving my new place. The family I live with is lovely too.
I had my 22nd birthday. I can't remember what I did to celebrate...nothing much.
Last semester was the hardest semester I've ever encountered in my tertiary educational life...but I got through it, barely.
Levon came to visit me for three weeks last month. They were the happiest and most natural three weeks of my life.

Well it's been a week since I said goodbye to him and since I've arrived back to Adelaide to continue with uni.
I'm alone in my room, missing Darwin, missing my parents, missing my friends, missing him...and I've realised that the ticking of the clock is the loneliest sound in the world. It is reminding me of all the spaces between. It is reminding me how long it has been...how much further away those times have been...and how much longer it will be...
I'm feeling a bit empty right now. Uni and uni friends are keeping me going, helping the time pass by, but I still can't help feeling really lonely and empty inside. I'm relying on the ticking of the clock to motivate me...
I have no problem picking my spirits up when I'm with my friends but when I come home to a room with an unmade bed, overloaded laundry basket, a piano with sheet music sprawled all over, and the deafening silence accompanied by the dead-pan, mechanical ticking of the clock...I can't help but feel I'm alone again and I start missing the most important people, places, and things in my life.

Tick...tick...tick...
I don't even want to think about how many more seconds it will be til I feel alive again...

Time finished: 21:22

Smiles

2010-04-05T21:12:00.010+09:30

Time started: 21:26
Place: My room (Brahma Lodge, Adelaide)
Listening to: "Good to Sea" - Pinback
Weather: Humid and breezy
Mood: All smiles :)

I was struggling with life towards the end of last year. Financial and health problems went completely down the drain. I was on the verge of insanity.
Now things are changing. After working my arse off during the summer holidays with three jobs (doing almost double full time) I've saved up enough to get by and help my parents out. I've also found a new place to move out.

From now on I will be living in Wattle Park with a very nice family where I have the underground compartment of their mansion all to myself :). I will also be able to practise on the piano as much as I want without having to worry about pestering anybody around me. They just wanted to help me out after what I've gone through. When I went to their place last night for dinner I couldn't help but cry with tears of joy. I was overwhelmed with their friendliness and my very sudden change in luck. The landlady gave me a hug and said that she'd treat me like a daughter and I just cried some more. Not only is the place beautiful, but the neighbourhood is as well. I will get to do a lot of walking around and feeling at ease!

Now I can focus on getting back on track with life. I've been scraping through with uni, making all ends meet and going from high distinctions to barely passing. Now I can finally enjoy playing the piano like I used to and show that I actually do love music and I'm not just playing notes. Now I can go buy myself lunch when I'm out without having to worry about whether I'll have enough money to pay the rent. Now I don't have to spend the majority of my days trying to stay awake from lack of sleep and be on public transport to uni and back. And now I can reassure my mother that I am fine, and I also don't have to worry about her and her health since she is on her way to making a full recovery. The happiness and the peace of mind certainly helps.

My mother is down for three weeks because she has some medical check ups at the hospital and also to help me out a little with my moving out....oh yeah, and for a holiday of course. 90% of my packing is done so now we can just chillax in the last remaining days of what has been the place I've lived in Adelaide for nearly 4 years (that has caused me a lot of stress and grief but will miss it all the same).

To my two housemates who have lived with me the entire time, Jarrad and Ryan, I thank you both for your patience and gratitude of having me as a housemate. It was really an experience, both good and bad. I really will miss you guys even if you guys don't think so. Please keep in touch and if you won't, I will!

Another thing to look forward to (and it will be the highlight to my entire year): Levon is visiting me in July for three weeks. It's been over a year since I've seen him and the long wait of not having to miss each other (even if it's only for temporarily short period of time) will soon be over!

For those who are in similar situations to what I've been through before right now, and I am aware there are some of you out there...stick it out. Things will turn out soon. There are always people around you, friends, family, teachers, who are willing to help you as much as they can so don't give up hope! I know I've found my friends, family and teachers who I can depend on. They know who they are :). <3>

Time finished: 21:54
Listening to: "The Widow" - The Mars Volta
Mood: Lucky

Waiting

2010-02-23T21:22:00.006+10:30

Time started: 21:27
Place: Living room (Adelaide)
Listening to: The television
Weather: Nippy
Mood: Indifferent

Waiting is one of the most unpleasant feelings. While you wait, you ponder. While you ponder, other uncertain feelings can arise. Doubt, inconfidence, anxiety...
Waiting can also increase anticipation, that can only increase the likelihood of disappointment in the end.

Waiting is time wasted. Dead time.

One of life's greatest miseries is waiting...

Time finished: 21:34
Listening to: Breeze
Mood: Unmotivated

How Are You Living Your Life?

2009-11-13T23:42:00.007+10:30

Time started: 23:43
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: Silence
Mood: Grief

It's been a week since Victor's death. He died in a car crash Saturday, 7th November and it's taken its time to sink in for me...
His death impacted a lot on his family and friends, including myself, even though I wasn't that close to him.
However, I grew up with him, saw him at school every day, and he would always be up for a friendly chat.
He was one of the nicest person I knew and had a big heart. It just seemed so unfair he had to go like this and so soon...
Too young, too early...

Needless to say, I've had a bit of a rough week but I can't compare against his family and close friends. I simply can't...

I just saw a video of the news and it hit me like a truck on how real his death is. He is really gone...
I just can't comprehend that...
Here's the link I saw: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=203350576101&ref=mf
I'm just kicking myself I watched it through facebook...
He just turned 21, studying civil engineering at uni, and had so much to live for...and suddenly he's gone...
Everyone expects to live their life to the fullest, living day to day making plans, dreaming, expecting, worrying...and they just don't realise how fragile life can be...
I know I'm one of those people. I live every day worrying about my future. Stressing out about everything. Making my own life miserable with the smallest things...
Over the past month all I've been doing is whining about how hard university is, about how hard it is to cope with my chronic fatigue, now all that just seems too mundane and shallow and Victor's death gave me a whole new perspective in life. Death is very real and no matter how hard you work and worry to give yourself a good life, you are just never in control, no matter how much you want to be...

I hate how the news just make his death at a statistic...
"The NT road toll now stands at 28 compared to 69 at the same time last year." I mean...yeah, it's a road toll statistic but it's another life gone. It's a death of a human being. A life loved by friends and family. A son, a brother, a friend. A life filled with hopes, thoughts, dreams, ambition. A life that was never lived full and suddenly taken away tragically...
However I'm glad to have found an article that was a bit more sensitive about his death: link http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2009/11/10/99711_ntnews.html
It's nice to know that not all journalists see him as a number but as a human being...

His funeral is tomorrow back in Darwin and I'm stuck in Adelaide worrying about handing in essays, doing assignments, and preparing for exams...
The best I can do is to write a silly blog entry...

I guess my aim is to forget about my stupid essays for a while and take the time to commemorate the life of a young man who was kind and caring who did so much for his family, friends, and the community, and to provide you all with the message that life should never be taken for granted. Please remember to laugh, love and live every day.

Time finished: 00:12

Stubborness is a good thing!

2009-10-27T23:14:00.005+10:30

Time started: 23:15
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Anthems for a Seventeen-year-old Girl" - Broken Social Scene
Weather: Pleasant =)
Mood: Good =)

I just thought I'd immediately update and respond to my entry from last night...
After beating myself up emotionally last night I've decided I was being ridiculous and took action into changing my attitude immediately. I wasn't going to let my sickness dictate my life!
Be happy, make others happy, and life will be happy.

I meditated to clear my thoughts last night, didn't get much sleep but when I did, it was quality sleep.
I woke up, went to my lesson, still had the biggest migraine ever, but managed to learn a lot from my brief piano lesson with Lucinda this morning. It was brief because I apparently looked like death and was still really sick and tired but I didn't care. I was in a better mood.

After my piano lesson, we had our aural exam. I was expecting to fail because I didn't prepare, I was seeing zig-zags all over the page from the migraine, and my ears were ringing...but I surprisingly cruised through it with no problem. In fact, I'm confident I got 100% :'D.

Later in the afternoon I went to the library to make a start on my essay but I was feeling really nauseated and my migraine was getting worse. I ended up falling asleep at the study table for 2 hours. I can't believe I was knocked out at the library for 2 hours!

I forced myself to get up and go to practise. My head felt like a tonne of bricks but that didn't stop me. I was in a very determined mood to practise and I was, despite my condition, in good spirits. DANG YOU, MIGRAINE! I AIN'T LETTING YOU DEFEAT ME!

To my surprise, the room LG08 was free! I took advantage and started practising straight away.
I don't know how I did it...but I managed to practise in there for 4 hours straight...NON-STOP! It was pretty productive too!

So yeah. I feel like crap physically but emotionally I'm great :'D.

It just goes to show how much positivity with a touch of stubborness can make a difference to getting through.
Well...it was probably really stupid of me to stay at uni and exhaust myself for 12 hours with a huge migraine and chronic fatigue syndrome...but hey, at least I'm happy!

I think I deserve a night of epic sleep now...
I'll make sure to look after myself now...

And I just want to say thanks to those who've encouraged me to be happy and reassure me of my capabilities. I'm feeling a little more confident in myself now. Thanks for all your support. You're all the main reason why I'm feeling happy today =).

Okay...time to hit the sack. You'll probably hear my loud snoring from afar tonight...

Time finished: 23:35
Listening to: "Black and White Town" - Doves
Mood: Content

Insane, Dazed Brain, and a Migraine.

2009-10-26T20:09:00.006+10:30

Time started: 20:11
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: the ringing of my ears...
Weather: Nippy
Mood: Lacking self-respect.

Yes, yes, I know...I whine all the time. I'd say 90% of my entries are just whining...*sigh*
I've made some last resort decisions in the past week:

I am going to do my piano exam in February instead of November because my progress is just way too slow.
I am also going to study part-time starting from next year which will mean by the time I graduate (gosh, I just hope I get to graduate!) I would've been studying at uni for 8 years only to get this one measley degree...

I'm just so tired...
I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of having this mind-set of not being able to do anything...

I played Debussy's Toccata at tech & rep class today. Not because I was scheduled to, but because I love this piece and I thought I was ready. I crashed and burned 100 times worse than I thought I would.
I know I haven't finished learning the piece for very long but I have played it so many times without stopping or huge errors, and with expression and colour but what I did in class today was a total disaster! I don't know why, but as soon as I went up to adjust the piano stool I suddenly felt ill. I could feel every muscle in my body tense. My fingers felt paralysed and from the word go, I was in total panic! I didn't even feel nervous initially. It just hit me like a truck...My fingers fumbled as they tried to move, I had a mental block from the panic and stopped everywhere, and I didn't feel the music at all. I was playing so dead-pan just to try to play from beginning to end...
It felt like the longest five minutes of my life just trying to get through the piece in front of the class...

I felt really depressed after because I wasn't sick today yet I played bad enough to make people's ears bleed...
I wasn't sick today. I had no excuse. And so what if I was nervous? I've played the piano long enough to be able to play in front of an audience...
I felt really depressed because Lucinda wasn't mad at me. She pitied me. So did everyone else...I didn't care if I went through a lot this year. I didn't care that I'm not at the best of health...
I felt really depressed because Lucinda hasn't seen me in my good days and every time I tell her I am capable, she just thinks my thoughts are just deluded because I am sick and that it's okay to be handicapped...
"Don't be too hard on yourself...", "It wasn't that bad...", "You're doing fine...", "Take it easy..."
Take it easy? That's the only thing I've been doing since year 11! Take it easy...
Disability memorandums, doctor certificates, medical considerations, special requirements, whining, crying, complaining...that's all I've been doing to pass over the past 5 years just to pass and get better grades while everyone else is working hard and being diligent without any aid like I should be! It just doesn't seem fair...

Oh, but you're sick, Min. You're going through a lot of problems in life, Min. It's okay...
So what?! Everyone gets sick! Everyone has problems! Why should I be any different? I don't have a terminal illness...
*Sigh*

I just cried after class. I cried almost throughout my one hour bus ride home. I was so upset. I know there's no point in being so hard on myself but maybe that's just it...maybe I'm not hard on myself enough so I can't handle anything...

When I got home, I desperately tried to get some practise done but from being upset I developed a migraine.
It's one problem after another...
I just fell asleep at the piano for a couple of hours...when I woke up, I stood up and nearly toppled over and hit my head in the corner. Well this is just great...

I'm angry. I'm angry because no matter how hard I try to be positive, no matter how hard I try to get things done, no matter how hard I try to make situations easier it just never happens...
I'm angry because I always have to find alternatives to get through things...
I'm angry because the house is a mess...not tidied, not vaccuumed, undone dishes, unswept floor, it's a MESS!
I'm angry because I still have this migraine and I have an aural exam tomorrow...there's ringing in my ears...
I'm angry because I just complained about having a migraine and used it as an excuse to not study or do my assignments and spend my time making this stupid entry instead...
So am I really sick? Or am I just pathetic?

I am a disappointment to my mother. I'm sick, stupid, and incapable and do nothing but disappoint her...
I know she's proud of me...but she's only proud of me because despite my stupid and sickly nature, I still persist on going...and continuously hitting my head against a brick wall...
"Maybe you're just not good enough for uni..."

I miss Levon like hell...he is the one person who makes me feel like I'm good enough for something at times like these...

I just want this all to stop. I want to be happy and healthy again...
When I made dinner tonight I couldn't even remember that I was looking for the wooden spoon and when I did remember, and I found it, I just stared at it for a lengthened period of time without remembering to pick it up.
Stupid spoon...it made me so angry...
What the hell is wrong with me?!

Time finished: 21:02
Listening to: Jarrad shouting "YOU F***ING FAGGOT!" at someone over the internet...
Mood: Sleepy...

Hexyuna!

2009-09-13T21:08:00.005+09:30

Time started: 21:09
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Listen to the Math" - Tokyo Police Club
Weather: Quite pleasant
Mood: Calm

This is going to be short.

I finally finished learning Grieg's piano sonata, 2nd movement today. The first piece in my program to be learned. It's like week 8. It's about time I finished learning something. I still can't play it very well though. In fact it sounds horrible. Oh well...
Piano practise is tiring. Probably because I've been so stressed and depressed lately but the last couple of days I've just been calming myself down, staying home and resting, and meditating. I'm thinking more rationally and positively now so hopefully this can help me get through for the rest of the year.

I've been going concerts where Steven's compositions have been performed. I think they're brilliant. Words cannot express how proud I am of him. Who would've thought such great music could be created by a close friend of mine!

Mum's starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and dad's starting to talk to me more now.

Um. 6 months!

Happy Birthday, Russell. I still think you're an old geiser...

And to a dear friend of mine...she knows who she is. I really hope you feel better soon. I am very worried about you. I know you don't want me to be and you probably feel that I shouldn't be, but I am. I hope life will be good to you soon. You deserve every happiness in the world.
You've given me a lifetime of the most pleasant memories and I know there will be more to come, just as long as you keep being who you are so stay strong and love yourself as much as we love you.

Okay. So it wasn't that short...but it's a lot shorter than what my entries usually are...

Ciao, for now!

Time finished: 21:17pm
Listening to: "Nature of the Experiment" - Tokyo Police Club
Mood: Ready to sleep

A Good Deed makes a Good Day

2009-09-05T23:10:00.006+09:30

Time started: 23:11
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Go to Sleep (Little Man Being Erased.)" - Radiohead
Weather: Not bad.
Mood: Helpful.

I was practising on the piano in the afternoon at home then I hear a slow and soft knocking at our door. I came to an abrupt stop and went to greet the knocker.
It was the elderly woman nextdoor and she seemed a little distressed.
"Ehkyooz meh, leh'il misseh, Ay woz jost wondrin' ef yew cewd du meh a wee leh'il fehvir?" she said in her Scottish accent (for those who can't decipher what I just wrote, it's "Excuse me, li'l missy, I was just wonderin' if you could do me a wee li'l favour?" xD).
I said "Sure, what do you need help with?"
"Well, yew see, my cat cawt a mohwse yeh see, and she's in the 'ohwse an' Ay am afrehd tew goh in..."
"Oh! So would you like me to see if I could get the mouse out for you?"
"Ah yes, please. Thaht wewd beh lohvleh!" she beamed.

I walked into the house to look for her cat. It was an extremely dim lit room with an old rug, old furniture, and old ornaments on the cabinet. The living room smelled of mothballs. A very neat, tidy and typical home of an elderly woman. As I looked around, there was her cat, by the sofa. It was the fluffy black and white feline that I saw almost everyday hanging around our yard. So this is who the cat belongs to! That's one of my life's questions answered!
The cat walked up to me and friendly rubbed against my leg. I gave it a little scratch behind its ears as it closed its eyes and purred in bliss.
"So you're the culprit! So where's the poor thing you've caught?"
As if the cat understood me, she turned around and started playing with this poor little creature that was sort of limping about but still alive.
I called out to the old lady "I found the mouse. Do you have a plastic bag or anything I could use?"
"Yes, Ay've gawt 'em en thih kehtchen dra'er, therd draw dohwn."
Finding a plastic bag in the kitchen, third draw down with no problem, I pulled it out and hurried to the struggling little creature that was temporarily acting as a yarnball for the cat.
The cat obviously wanted to have some fun with it.
"Oi, you...get out of the way so I can get the poor thing!"
The cat wasn't going to fight me. Let's face it. It's smart and knew I was bigger and tougher than she was. I fumbled in the dark room, trying to get this mouse out of the corner. It took me a few seconds to realise that this 'mouse' was no mouse at all! It was a little baby bird!
"Aw, it's not a mouse! It's a bird!"
"Aw naw! Thet's terr'ble! 'f et wawz a mohwse it's nawt soh bahd bot a berd! Thet's jost naw gewd!"
As I held the chick in my hand, it struggled for a while to break free. I held it firmly but not tight enough to hurt it. I looked all over its body to check for any major injuries. The bird was all fine, except for one crippled leg.
"It doesn't look like it's hurt too badly, just one injured leg." I explained.
"Aw gewd! Thahnk ye' soh moch fer ye' trawble! Ay cen goh bahck entew my 'owse agen!" she thanked gratefully.
"No worries. I was glad to have been able to help. I'll try to look after this bird for a while before taking it to the RSPCA".
"Aw thet's soh kaynd ov yew! Yew 'ave a loovleh deh!"
"You too!"
Gosh, I love her Scottish accent! Eheheheh...

The chick calmed down in my hands as I stroked it to calm it down. I could feel its heart throb against my fingers. It was frantic at first but after a couple of minutes of me calming it down, it went down to a very light and slower beating.
As I held it with one hand, I searched my room for a small empty box. With luck, I found an old, empty box in the top shelf of my wardrobe. I didn't think I'd ever use it again so I gently placed the chick into the box. It seemed too tired to respond to its new surrounding and quickly went into a nap.
I searched the kitchen to see if there was anything suitable for me to feed the bird with. I had some apples and mandarins. I also had some left over pasta and rice but I thought the preservatives probably wouldn't be good for the bird.
I mooshed up a bit of apple and mandarin and went over to the bird. I wasn't sure if it would eat fruit but I gave it a try.
As I popped my ugly face over the opening of the box, the bird looked up at me. It looked like it knew I was going to feed it and it opened its mouth. Aww...it was so cute.
I put a bit of mandarin into its mouth. It nibbled on it a bit then dropped from its beak. I tried giving it another piece. It cooperatively opened its mouth again. Again it didn't go in. I tried a third time, and this time I realised it just didn't like the mandarin. I gave the apple a try. After a few goes I decided it had the same result as the mandarin. So the bird wasn't much of a fruit eater then. It looked more like a worm or a locust type.
I went out to search for any bugs that looked like bird feed. I had no luck. I dug around a bit. I don't think I could find any worms and I had a fever too so it was probably a bad idea for me to be out and about digging around for worms.
I went back in to check on the bird. It just sat in the box looking tired. It looked up at me and opened its mouth again.
I went to the kitchen and got a straw. I put some water into the straw and closed one end of the straw so the water was retained. I went back to the bird and waited for it to open its mouth. After it did, I dripped some water down its throat. It seemed to be happy with it. I hope tap water doesn't kill birds because I went to get some more water for it.
Glad that I at least got it to drink a bit, I went back to practising on the piano. After an hour I went to check back on the bird. It was fast asleep. I made up a pleasant thought that perhaps my piano playing lulled it to sleep. That's a pleasant thought, indeed. At least this way I can envision that someone appreciates my piano playing.

It's almost bed time now and I took the box into my room. Ryan was a bit repulsed by having the bird in the living room. The box already contains a lot of its droppings inside. Seriously...how many times does one little bird need to poop in a few hours?! It's crazy. Oh well...as long as it's ONLY in the box.
The bird is fast asleep on the floor, next to my bed. Earlier it seemed more lively and less depressed. I guess the few hours of rest managed to recuperate it. The leg still looks flimsy though. I tried to give it some more water to drink but it seemed to have forgotten that I saved its life and momentarily escaped from me. It flew into my wardrobe and managed to get into my underwear and socks drawer. It was quite a chore to fish it out and I was hoping that it wasn't pooping all over my clothes. Then it flitted away to the other side of the wardrobe where all my books were. Ahh...a more accessible area for me to catch the frightened little animal!
It screeched in my hand and wouldn't cooperate when I tried to give it some water. I gave up and put it back into the box and quickly closed the lid. It jumped around the box for a few minutes. Wow...where did all this energy come from? A few hours ago it could barely pick up any energy to do that! Well...it's a good sign that it's got its energy back but I was also afraid that it was hurting itself.
"Shhh...it's okay. I am not going to hurt you. Stop jumping around, you'll get yourself hurt!"
My words managed to calm it down somehow. The box has been dead silent for the past hour now. I'm hoping that it's fast asleep once again.

I am taking the bird to the RSPCA in town tomorrow. I'm sure the veterinareans there can do a much better job than me looking after it. I'm just glad I managed to save its life. I feel like I've done so many wrong things this year and now I know I've finally done something right. If it wasn't for me, that old lady would still be moping around outside her house in fear and this baby bird would've been a certain cat's lunch.

Time finished: 23:57
Listening to: "This Song" - The Enemy
Mood: Great.

Unwanted Pancakes

2009-09-01T14:08:00.003+09:30

Time started: 14:08
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: Birds
Weather: Overcast but fine. WINTER IS OVER!
Mood: Impatient

I woke up at 6:30am this morning still feeling sick and tired, but I made a huge batch of pancake mix for everyone in the house. I thought that Jasper would be going to uni at 7am but he never got out of his room so I guessed he wasn't going to uni.
I went back to sleep, dead tired, but was still in alert mode, listening out for anyone waking up.
I waited for a couple of hours and thought meh, since I'm just laying here, I should just check over my assignment. Luckily I spotted a few errors in my assignment.
By 11am, I finished checking over my assignment and decided to do some of my laundry since it's supposedly not going to rain today (for once!).
The laundry took me about an hour so it's noon. Still, no-one was up.
I went back into my room and rested up a bit more, and read a book.
1:30pm and hoorah! Ryan came out of his room! Finally someone was up. So I cooked away some pancakes for him. He ate some, I ate some...now we're both hiding in our rooms again.
It's close to half past 2 and STILL no-one else is awake.
I want to practise on the piano...but I don't want to wake them up. Plus I'm slightly annoyed that I picked the day that everyone sleeps in til almost dinner time to make pancakes.
GARGH! HURRY UP AND WAKE UP SO I CAN MAKE YOU LOT PANCAKES! *Cries*

Time finished: 14:15
Mood: Bleh...

What Really Makes the World Go Round?

2009-08-30T04:19:00.006+09:30

Time started: 0419 (yeah...I'm having trouble sleeping)
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: Nothing...surprise...
Weather: Cold but calm at least
Mood: Uneasy but settling

I just thought I'd post this since a couple of people close to me have noticed I've been very down and not myself so I guess I should explain what's constantly on my mind right now.

You know...money matters in this world more than I'd like it to. It's depressing. The world goes through more complex systems and lifestyles as time progresses. Just thinking about it makes me so tired. Simplicity in life is non-existent these days. Not even children these days can live their lives simply like children should because of the ever changing fears of the society and political correctness. Is it really a surprise that the rate of depression is constantly growing? Is it not scary? Thinking about the standard life for the contemporary individuals just frustrates me because I see so little meaning in life. Well, not quite. There is meaning in life. There always has been and there always will be, but everything around completely blinds us from it whether it'd be money, media, competition, expectations, deadlines, rules and regulations...anything.

I feel very pressured and anxious in more ways than one. The Government is allowing my mum only a year to recuperate her health after her aneurysm because she recovered remarkably well. After that they want her to go back to work, completely ignoring the several Doctor recommendations simply because she still has arms and limbs to move around and work. If only they knew how serious her condition really was. The surgeon specifically told me if she has an aneurysm again which is very possible, she WILL die.
Do I want her to go back to work again? Most definitely not! I will not allow it!

So I have come to terms with me having to study part time next year so I have room to work to help support her. I am originally really against that idea since I have already done two years of Biomedical Science beforehand and adding to the Music degree I am getting very tired of studying and just want to graduate and work full-time. However given the circumstances, I have no choice. My mother's health is the number one priority right now. I must do it. I'd be glad to do it. Besides...for all the years she's had to work off blood, sweat and tears for me, it's only fair.

My dad has something like a $30,000 debt from over-using his credit cards. My dad is a compulsive shopper and loves to spoil himself rotten. Not only that, he's getting kicked out of his apartment soon because he's no longer a suitable tennant since the village he lives in is really meant for the retired which he is not. My dad hasn't really been in a major part of my life but I figured he doesn't have anyone but me so I should help him out too. He may not be the father figure but he still loves me and of course, I love him too. He's simply still just a kid who just needs someone who loves him.

For the past couple of days I've been applying for jobs for Summer Vacation. I currently just got offered a temporary job for the Australian Electoral Commission to do some data entry online which is great because I can work at home and get paid decently. It's not enough to support my parents and me completely but it's a great start! I emailed the director asking him if there's any vacancies for me. He had to dig deep and fish out this small task for me during his intensively busy schedule which I really appreciate. I know him personally since I've worked for the AEC before during the federal election and he was impressed with my hard work.

I need to stop worrying because the more I worry, the sicker and more tired I get. I've been horribly slack the past few days from being so tired and it's stressing me out because I am very behind my piano practise for uni now. It's frustrating when I'm constantly getting fevers and just want to sleep every half hour I'm awake. It's probably a mental thing. I need to be stronger but everything is just putting me down right now and I'm really trying to pick myself up but I just don't know how. I don't have the confidence. I'm frightened. I over-think everything. Being sick should never be an excuse to stop me from doing what I need to do and I'm really tired of constantly using it as an excuse. I'm scared that it's depression. These past few days I can't stop crying, being irrationally snappy and have so much trouble getting out of bed but now as I write this entry I've just realised that I spend a ridiculous amount of time just worrying. It doesn't help when he's out of touch for a bit either. Not his fault. I just miss him a lot. Blargh.

Time can be so easily spent on things you wish you never did but when you realise this...it's too late. That time you've wasted is gone. This concept can apply to life in so many ways. On one hand, time is short so you never want to waste it on doing something unproductive and never getting what you need to get done, done. On the other hand, since time is short, this also means life is short, so why use up all the short time to do something that worries you and stresses you out instead of enjoying yourself? *Sigh* see? The standard life is a constant battle between doing what you want to do, and doing what you need to do. Your wants and needs very rarely coincide. So what should one do? One could only worry...and be awake worrying...and write a worrying blog. Joy.

Well...on a happier note I've decided both mum and I work too hard and worry too much so I've booked flights for the both of us to go to Sydney in December. It's been a while since my mum's had a holiday just for the sake of a holiday. Malaysia didn't really count because she really only went back to reactivate her bank account and get some legal documentations of my grandmother's Will. Sydney will be fun since we both don't know much about it so we'll just explore, get lost, possibly drive each other insane =P. I'll get to see my best friend, Shan Shan too who I haven't seen for two years so it will be nice (even though she's going to be constantly working...*sigh*). She's going to try to visit me in Darwin in February though so that would be great (and in return I will be constantly working, probably...our syncronisation skills are awesome...)!

Contemplating depressing things in life can only make me value the good things in life more so I'm sorry if the moping gets annoying. My entry went into a positive turn, didn't it? And besides...I don't do well when I bottle it all up. I always feel like I get a bit of a revelation after I let it all out. I realise I think these things because of the one thing that matters the most: Love. I worry about money because I love my parents. I stress about uni because I want to have a career doing what I love: music. I'm always sick because...because...haha...I don't know...I love too much, maybe? Hahahaha. As if you could ever love "too much"! As horribly cliché as it sounds, I believe love is really what makes the world go round. At least in my world, anyway.

Wow, that was painfully bad. I think I'll stop writing bad now. Not only was it bad, I gave love and worry/stress parallel meanings! That is a big no no!

I obviously need good quality sleep. Sleep time!
(Wow...what an anti-climating ending. I fail.)

Time finished: 0516
Listening: A single bird chirping haha.
Weather: All I know is...there is the one bird chirping outside. And it's cold.
Mood: Amused by my fail abilities to attempt thoughtful blogging.

Go to Sleep Now, Little Fool!

2009-08-11T01:58:00.004+09:30

Time started: 01:59
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "The Island:Come And See/The Landlord's Daughter/You'll Not Feel The Drowning" - The Decemberists (the title of this blog comes from a line in this song)
Weather: Not as cold as I anticipated it to be. Yay!
Mood: Artistic

I'm having strange sleeping patterns at the moment (I nap in 5 hour intervals) and right now I feel like I need to produce something, whether it'd be a drawing, or a blog.

I've decided a blog is an easier option. I'm lacking the energy to come up with anything artistic so I'll just go with half-hearted waffling instead.

I'm frustrated with my unproductiveness. These days all my body wants to do is lock up its joints and induce me to sleep all day...fitting 6 hours of piano practise a day is just not possible for me...
I'm trying very hard not to become depressed from this. Not being able to do what I'm supposed to do is really irritating and tiring...I do not want to head down the road of depression again. I'm sure I won't though. I know I'm emotionally a lot stronger than I used to be. I have a lot of help and support from those I love as well so I feel very blessed.

Random: My housemate just yelled "Are you denying that placentas have thoughts?!"...
Okay...sorry, just wanted to add that to show how strange my housemates are! Moving on!

Last Thursday I had to perform for Classical Forum. I have exceptional luck because two hours before my performance...I don't know how...but a huge gust of wind blew and managed to knock me over. I banged my right knee and sprained my left ankle. I've sprained my left ankle 12 times throughout my lifetime now. It's like it will never see better days ever again. Poor left ankle. I've abused you over the years! Forgive me! Argh! I'm talking to my ankle! Clearly I am losing my sanity. I'm not even sure if I've had it in the first place!
My performance was a disaster. I made wrong notes everywhere, and I very unprofessionally corrected my mistakes. The pieces had no flow. It was, quite frankly speaking, crap! Ahh well...I smiled and carried on. I got to the end and had fun anyway. I guess that's all that matters. The audience listened through it, at least!

I've spent the whole weekend being a bum pretty much. I think my sore legs have increased my fatigue with unrefreshing sleep, and lots of pain. I just put my legs up in hopes of them healing fast, which they are, thank goodness :).

Gosh, I am the biggest clutz in the world =P. At least I can laugh about it. That's probably why they're healing fast, because I'm not moping over the pain and letting them get me down. Okay...I am...BUT I LAUGH ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS! :(

Meh...this feels like a pointless and boring blog.
Um...I've listened to Mew's new album! It was an amazing music experience for me :). They're my favourite band and never fail to disappoint me. I don't want to write a review about their album now because I can't really express or justify how good I think it is and how much I love it with words.

Speaking of not being able to express loving something with words...I love you, LeLe. You help me and are there for me so much more than you'll ever know! Stop missing me so much! BE HAPPY! You'll hear so much from me you'll be SICK OF IT! >:0

Don't you just hate revealing your weaknesses?! I do =P. I think certain friends are going to use this to their advantage to tease me now =P. Ahaha...good ol' friends!

My teachers from different subjects are discussing my progress to each other. They're concerned about my low self-esteem. They tell me they worry about me. I'm touched they care about me. It makes me realise I should be careful with my attitude because people do care about me more than I realise and how I think and feel makes an impact on them even if it's only to a small degree. I really need to live by my own belief of being happy and making others happy because that is certainly true. If something bothers me, I won't hesitate to vent because from past experiences, I know it's unhealthy to bottle it up. However, I do not want to let my bothers bring me down anymore, or make it other people's problems. It's not fair...I feel like I'm making my problems Lucinda's problems too.

Well...I guess I've found a purpose to this blog entry now. I need to look after myself, sleep better, and stop worrying other people! RAR!
I am strong! I am strong! I am strong! Hell yeah I am! I CAN DUU EET!!!

Time finished: 2:47am
Listening to: "Sunsets" - Powderfinger
Mood: False confidence....meh!

Overwhelmed

2009-07-31T19:59:00.003+09:30

Time started: 20:00
Place: My room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Everlong" Foo Fighters
Weather: Too cold >.<;;
Mood: As the title suggests...

I am back in Adelaide (and what is with this FREEZING COLD, WINDY AND RAINY WEATHER?!?!?! *Craves for Darwin*) and so far I have survived the first week of Semester 2. I am not pleased. It already seems like a tough semester...

My repetoire consists of extremely difficult pieces for Classical Performance. Here's my program:
~ Study in Blue White & Gold - Miriam Hyde (very artistic, fun little piece! Quite difficult to play)
~ Prelude & Fuge no. 12 in F minor Well Tempered Clavier Book II - J.S. Bach (hate the Prelude but the Fuge is okay.)
~ Sonata in E minor - Grieg (HELL YEAH! Gung Ho Norwegian Patriotism at its finest haha! Lots of fun to play but very difficult!)
~ Variations on Theme by Robert Schumann op. 20 - Clara Schumann (Absolutely gorgeous! I've never heard such love and romanticism in a piece like this! Again, very difficult!)
~ Pour le Piano: Toccata - Debussy (AWESOME piece!!! Wanted to learn it for a long time but is EXTREMELY difficult!)

I am very happy with my program......BUT IT IS INSANELY DIFFICULT!!!!! I mean...two are of A.mus standard, and the other three of L.mus standard! That's as hard as it gets! I pretty much have to learn it all in like...2 months if I want any hope of passing the exam, and entering the competition which is IMPOSSIBLE for me! Pieces like this would probably take me 2 years to learn... Now, to add to the stress...Accompaniment. I'm accompanying my friend, David Bruce who plays the saxaphone for my assessments. The accompaniment is really awkward to play on the piano. I can't sight read to save my life either and the first assessment is in 2 weeks. I haven't finished learning the pieces....*cries*. This will take up a lot of my practise time and I need all the time I can get for my solo repetoire! Then there's theory. After our first lecture and tutorial...I swear, my mind exploded! It was so mind boggling, the theories we have to learn! It is so different to what we learned before and far out...whoever came up with these theories had waaaaaaay too much time on their hands! It's like geometry and trigonometry within the 12 pitch class... Earlier music was more rigid, asymmetrical, and was less flexible with direction due to the rules of suspension and resolution, revolving around simple ratios of the intervals in chordal progression within the asymmetrical diatonic scale. As music progressed to the Romantic period, composers discovered ambiguity and symmetry within the 12 pitch classes and the flexibility of the chromatic scale. Chord contained intervals of the tritone that allows 2 (or more) directions for it to go creating ambiguity. Everything is governed and ruled by numbers. It's scary how "art" in the music form, when broken down, is purely just numbers that work within each other in a very organised system. It's crazy! *Head implodes* There's also Chamber where Pey Shin and I wish to do another piano duo (we're thinking Bartok and Weber....hard stuff!). Then there's history, and music, media & society...both requiring essays of 2,000 and 2,200 words respectively. Oh, and aural was strange. We were supposed to identify the rhythm and melody of a voice in a fuge...A FUGE! What the hell?! Easy stuff? Easy stuff my BUTT it's easy.........*dies* Kill me now! If I survive through this year I am going to jump for joy...and possibly shoot myself before next year which will probably be five times worse!

Time finished: 20:48
Listening to: "Overwhelmed" - Butterfly Effect <-- lol!
Mood: Exhausted

Half-way through the Degree and waiting to go Home!

2009-07-09T13:30:00.004+09:30

Time started: 13:40
Place: Still in my Adelaide room...dangit!
Listening to: "Best Day" - Carpark North
Weather: Freezing cold....ugh.
Mood: Euphoric

So I'm halfway through my degree! I can't believe how quickly time has flown by.
I think I'm doing well considering chronic fatigue syndrome. I'm getting decent grades. At times uni is overwhelming but I am learning to cope with it better and better :). I'm happy!
I think I've done well with my exams. The results aren't posted up yet but fingers-crossed, they will be soon. I felt like I knew what I was doing in the theory exam. I worked hard for my history essay on The Marriage of Figaro and the French Revolution for history. Pey Shin and I both had a ball playing Maurice Ravel's Mother Goose Suite for Chamber and the word of mouth is out that we did well. I didn't do as well as I wanted for my Classical Performance exam but I felt I did the best I could to give a good performance.

I gave my teacher, Lucinda a call a couple of nights ago. We had a discussion on my progress and she's starting to believe in me as a fine musician now. I worked so hard to show her that I deserved to be here and she's finally starting to see the musician in me now. :)
I was over the moon when she told me that I actually got my best result yet for my piano exam. This is great news for me because that means I got at least a Distinction! :D
I'm more happy about being recognised as a musician who enjoys what I'm doing than my grades though. I feel more confident and feel like I'm doing the right thing now.

Speaking of more good news...mum had her check up yesterday. She's given the all clear, can possibly start work again soon...and WE CAN FINALLY GO HOME! Right now I'm just waiting for the hospital to call me to confirm when mum and I are going home. They are taking a very long time to organise it. It's a little frustrating because mum and I are DYING to go home...

I took mum around Adelaide the past week. Pey Shin and I took her to Hahndorf and she enjoyed the scenery there. I also took her out to lunch yesterday and Steven joined us. We ate at Pancake Kitchen and she loved the Cajun chicken xD. We probably stayed there for more than an hour just chatting away about nonsense. And Steven, may I add that your haircut looks fine?! DON'T BE SAD ABOUT YOUR SHORT HAIR!

After lunch, and mum's check up, I took mum to the Botanical gardens and despite the cold, she enjoyed that too. She loved the flowers and trees. It was good to get her out of the house after being cooped up at home and at the hospital for so long. I think I may have exhausted her from all that walking though :S. Whoops...SORRY, MUM!

Speaking of more happiness...I am on a high from love. Eheheheh *blushes*.
I met his parents today. I was not expecting that, and I was nervous! However, they are very lovely! I liked them a lot!! I can see where he got his cuteness, humour and charm from =P. I am hoping I left them a good impression while being myself. It was only a brief little chat though since I was kind of distracting them from dinner...oops. It was a good little chat though :D. I'm still on a little high from it, hours later xD.

Right now I'm busy uploading photos onto Facebook of my Singapore/Malaysia trip. It's about time. I should've uploaded them months ago! Looking back at these photos makes me miss my family. I hope I get to see them again soon. I have a wonderful family! It's getting bigger too with the new generation blooming :). *Clucks* Eheheheh...

Oh, oh! As I write...I just got a call from the hospital. MUM AND I ARE GOING HOME ON SATURDAY!!!! YAAAAAAAY!!! *Bounces up and down*

I don't know what this blog is really meant to be about. I just want to post something happy. I wanted to post something that makes me feel like I've accomplished good things. It's hard to imagine that only two years ago I was the most depressed, pessimistic, and unhappy girl and now I'm a happy clam :). It goes to show how much I've tried to change the way I approach and think of life and grow up :). I'm pleased :). I'm not saying I never have my low moments now...evidently I still do from my last entry...but at least I know how to pick myself up and make the best out of everything now :). Life is too short to thrive on your mistakes, misfortunes, or unhappiness. You could be spending the time spent on thriving on being happy and accomplishing good things in life no matter how big or small. It's never impossible :).

Time finished: 17:13 (I got distracted...)
Listening to: "Marching Bands of Manhattan" - Death Cab for Cutie
Weather: Still cold...
Mood: Chirpy

I haven't updated in a while...so sue me!

2009-07-05T00:39:00.005+09:30

Time started: 00:40
Place: My bedroom
Listening to: My mother's snoring
Mood: Indifferent
Weather: Depressing...

Like the title of this blog says, I have updated in a while.
It's been an interesting past couple of months...I don't have all evening to update on everything so I guess I'll just write the highlights of each month.

I went to Perth for two weeks in April. The soul purpose was to visit Erin, and my aunt.
I stayed at Erin and Alan's apartment for the first week I was there. Her parents were there too. They took me around and I got to have a good glimpse of Western Australia, thanks to them :).
I celebrated my 21st early with Rin. We're twins after all, you see. The joint celebration had to be done.
I also caught up with Skyler, a high school friend who I haven't seen for 5 years. It was nice to have caught up with her.
The second week I stayed at my aunt's. My dad was down for a holiday too so it was good to have some time spent with him. They mostly took me around to eat good Chinese yum cha.

After the little holiday it was back to uni. It was a tough Term 2 for me. My health was deteriorating again with chronic fatigue syndrome from a mixture of stress, malnutrition to a small degree, and lack of sleep.

Soon April ended and thus came May. I celebrated my 21st in Adelaide, involving a relatively large gathering of friends for dinner, and karaoke afterwards. It was quite fun and I've never had such a big party before. I also had a humungous cake!

The happy period was brief, however. A couple of weeks later my mother was admitted to hospital due to severe haemorrhage in her brain. She was flown down to Adelaide for emergency surgery and was in the Intensive Care Unit for almost a week. By this time I was already very behind uni and my health was poor so this added a huge weight on my shoulders. I visited mum every single day at the hospital. It's so lucky it's just next to the university. I tried to be brave for her, trying not to show any signs of my own weak health and educational struggles. It's good that my mother is the strongest and bravest woman I know. She was sickeningly chirpy in hospital in fact. The nurses couldn't tell her to shut up enough from all her hyperactive chit chat!

The surgery was a huge success, 3 weeks later she was discharged and decided to reside with me.

June came. Exam season. I was well prepared for all my subjects except for the one that mattered the most: Classical Performance. I couldn't get the practise time with looking after my mother, travelling time, and chronic fatigue...I was on the verge of failing...
I didn't give up. I pushed myself to the extremes. I was practising 7-9 hours every day. I was not going to prove Lucinda right by failing.
My persistence and stubborness pulled me through and I did my exam with a good attitude. I played horribly...but regardless, I put on a good performance and Lucinda was more than pleased.

It is now July. It's winter. It's wet. It's cold. Mum is still here and doing well.
We're both incredibly homesick though. Mum's check up is on the 8th. If she gets the all clear we can go home straight after.

I'm tired. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Maybe the winter cold is dampening my spirits. I don't feel depressed, but I don't feel manic either. Good...my nostalgic feelings of bipolar are not present...
What I'm worried about is tonight I'm feeling a little apathetic about life. Maybe it's because I had a very long day today. It was a good day but I'm worn out. Pey Shin and I took my mum to Hahndorf. It could be the chronic fatigue that is making me feel this way but today's fatigue feels different for some reason. I've been thinking a hell of a lot for the past couple of nights. There has been, and will be a change of events. I should stop thinking. It's not doing me or anyone any favours. My indifference is turning to a great fear.

I'm fearing I will lose something that is very important to me...

Time finished: 01:07
Listening to: Mum snoring...
Mood: A little sad.

Valuables

2009-03-29T17:44:00.005+10:30

Time started: 17:50pm
Listening to: "Thanks for Your Time" - Gotye
Weather: Perfect!
Mood: Napping/Holiday mode.

Now I won't get into much detail of my holiday in Malaysia but it just made me realise how much I love my family. They are truly an amazing group of people and I just feel so fortunate to be part of it all.
Some of my cousins started having kids of their own and they're all such angels! Yes...spending time with my nieces and nephews have gotten me very clucky -.-;;. Leave me alone!

The holiday started in Singapore, then I went to Johor Bahru, took the bus to Taiping (my family's home time) and I got to see Pey Shin there for a day as well. She took me to the zoo :). I spent the first few days of Chinese New Year in Taiping. Our family was acting as rowdy as ever during this crazy festive season! My family spoiled mum and I greatly with lots and LOTS of good Malaysian food. After Taiping we spent about a week in Kuala Lumpur and spent the remaining Chinese new year there until we went back to Johor, then Singapore, where we departed to go back to Australia.

I took over 1000 photos and about 20 videos on this trip. Unfortunately, the heartbreaking thing is on the attempt of uploading them onto my computer, about 10% of them became corrupt files. I couldn't recover them. My favourite photos were amongst the corrupt and I was completely devastated. Irreplaceable images of my nieces and nephews and I were lost. Oh well...I will always treasure the memories I obtained with them :). I love my family so much and I miss them terribly. Hopefully I will save enough money to go back next year. I really want to go back again next year because it will be my paternal grandfather's 100th birthday. He's my only remaining grandparent left.

I will upload the photos onto my Facebook when I could be bothered. At the moment I'm just getting by the heavier workload of university this year. I'm going to set myself a higher standard for this year. I know I can do well...I just need to be motivated (which these days seem really hard...). I'm glad I have awesome friends at uni though that never fail to make me smile and laugh. It just makes going to uni all so that much easier. I love my friends so much!

I've noticed that lately I've been really thinking a lot about my future. I am all the more certain that I love my mother more and more. I am willing to take good care of her for the rest of her life. I know that much. Everything I am currently doing now, is all for her. I know this now. I may have taken my mother for granted a lot over the years but I hope she realises that she's the most important person in my life. I hope I get to give and provide her everything she deserves and more.

I've also finally met someone (surprising, isn't it?). Another thing I'm certain about is that he's very special and I'm determined to make it work. Nothing was intended but I don't regret anything. I know I'm being true to myself and I'm happy. That's all that matters.

Yeah...my life seems to have a direction this year. Many, in fact. Hopefully they all take me to where I want to be :). Right now I'm more than accepting. Everything happens for a reason.

Time finished: 18:08
Listening to: "Firefight" - Jimmy Eat World
Mood: Sleepy.

Out of the country...

2009-01-16T16:19:00.002+10:30

In a couple of hours I will be flying to Singapore.
I'm having a holiday in Singapore/Malaysia for a month so I won't have any net access...

In the mean time I will miss you all .

See you when I get back and take care, everyone

Fare thee well, 2008! Salutations, 2009!

2008-12-31T16:58:00.008+10:30

Time started: 15:59
Listening to: "Red" - Elbow
Weather: Overcast and balmy
Mood: Content

It has been a good year for me overall.
I completed my first year of Bachelor of Music and made some really good friends along the way.
Of course there were struggles along the way of this year...but there are challenges to face every year, right? Getting through challenges are what makes a year a great one!
The struggles for me this year were jumping straight back into playing the piano after stopping it for four years, struggling to make friends at the beginning of the year due to my timidness and lack of confidence, and having to deal with chronic fatigue syndrome for the majority of the year. Despite all this, I have managed to improve a great deal on the piano in terms of technique and musicality. I have developed a greater appreciate for music and now I'm enjoying it whole-heartedly. I've also made some of the best friends anyone could ever have at the Con...seriously, I have met some of the nicest people ever this year! My grades have been pretty good throughout the year, there's always room for improvement but I am very happy with my academic achievements. I've also gained a lot of energy mentally. I've never been happier in my life and with this great deal of happiness and the slight gain in self-esteem I feel that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. I am really looking forward to making next year an even better one than this!

Well...so far I've had quite a backwards day. For breakfast I had lunch, and for lunch I had breakfast.
By this I mean for breakfast I had a salmon salad with pasta, and for lunch I had cereal xD. Don't ask me why...it just turned out this way today. Do I have any plans for the new year's eve night? Just a quiet family & friends gathering. I don't know if I will have a bit of a party with my usual high school friends or not. It depends if I get kidnapped or not...and if my mother allows it xD.

New Year's resolutions? I've got a few:
- Get at least Distinction for all my subjects (I've realised this year just how hard that actually is lol).
- Get back into shape (ie get fit again...being able to run at least 3km...I'm getting there :D)
- Be an even happier person than I already am
- Visit my high school friends in Melbourne and Shan Shan in Sydney at some point during the short holidays.

I have some other bigger, bizaar resolutions but I don't want to dream too big. I figured I'd be happier achieving little achievements before leaping into big ones that are unrealistic at this point in my life as a studying university student.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy with my life right now with significant healthy choices I've made for '08. I am confident that 2009 will be the best year yet! It will certainly have a good start as I am set off to visit my relatives in Singapore and Malaysia from mid January! I'M EXCITED!!
I hope you all have a fantastic year too! Hope you all manage to achieve your resolutions and have a happy and healthy new year!

Stay safe, everyone!

Love Min

Why I am having negative thoughts about guys...

2008-12-28T01:40:00.003+10:30

Time started: 00:10
Location: My bedroom (Darwin)
Listening to: "I Chose Horses" - Mogwai
Mood: Disgusted

Sorry to start this on such a negative note right after Christmas but I am in such a disgusted mood right now that I feel in order to keep my sanity I need to vent somehow...

So there's this guy I know from high school who was talking to me over msn. My display picture was just an innocent Christmas photo of my dad and I from our family dinner party. The photo focuses on our faces (naturally) and borders just below our shoulders. This guy has the nerve to say "Min, your photo needs to be a few inches lower ;)". At first I took that as a flirtatious joke so I wasn't phased...but his comments through time went a bit further. After some time of him consistently making creepy comments about me I let him know that I was feeling uncomfortable and insulted by the things he was saying about me. You would think after I said something he'd stop...but no...
He continued with more creepy suggestions and comments on the type of girl that I really am on the inside or at least should be...some tramp or skank that was nothing more than pleasurable flesh that he wouldn't mind having in his pants...

I soon blocked him, of course. I don't plan on talking to him again either. Hopefully when I return to Adelaide I won't see him around either...yeah...he's situated in Adelaide at the moment...lucky me...I've bumped into him countless times in Adelaide too. Great... -.-;;

This is not the first time a guy that I've been friends/acquainted with have said stuff like this to me.
Last year someone who I considered as one of my best friends said he never wanted to be my friend, but just wanted to get into my pants...

I have done NOTHING to provoke these guys into thinking that I would do anything like that...NOTHING!

Is this supposed to boost my self esteem?! Am I not meant to be hurt by this?!

I am so offended...I feel dirty. I've done nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am as innocent as anyone could get...and I still feel dirty.

Some guys can be such pricks...

Again I apologise for my negative vibes here...
I had a nice Christmas with my family though and I hope you all had a nice Christmas too! Have a great New Year, everyone!

Green Tree Frogs & Rain

2008-12-16T04:38:00.003+10:30

Time started: 03:11
Listening to: "Life in a Glass House" - Radiohead
Weather: Raining
Mood: Restless

I haven't posted anything in a while and since I am now on holidays it's probably about time I should.

I will attempt to keep this short since I'm exhausted and I can't be bothered (but I know once I get started, I can't stop).

The last few weeks of uni was hectic. I was really affected by chronic fatigue syndrome but I overcame it with my stubborn willpower and self-discipline to linger on into the depths of despair during the exam-cramming season. Luckily I've made some awesome friends this year! I was so worried at the beginning of the year that I wasn't going to make any friends at uni. Sometimes I'm too shy for my own good. I think it's funny how I could come across as an extremely timid, quiet, and possibly reclusive person in the first few impressions on me...and then after a couple of encounters...BAM! I just don't shut up :'D. Meh...I have too many polar opposites in my personality, even I can't predict what I'm really like.

Anyhoo...friends! I miss them a lot while being in Darwin. I often talk about them to my Darwinian friends.
I've gotten quite close to some in the past few months and there are also some I also want to get to know better some more. I just want to thank them for being awesome, sharing good times, making me laugh, looking after me and keeping me sane this year! You all know who you are :).

My results came out a couple of weeks ago. I thought I did better but it's not too bad. I can't say that I can't be proud of my efforts for this year.

Speaking of this year...far out, it really flew. Time flies way too quickly. I can't even come to terms of me growing up!

Well I'm back in Darwin. I have been for over three weeks now. It's so good to be home. I've missed the rain and the humidity soooo much! The green tree frogs are keeping me awake. I did miss the sound of their persistent croaking but now I just want to go outside and shoot them =P.

I've been catching up with my high school friends and it's very comforting (and at times not really) to know that they haven't changed at all...they're all still as weird and psychotic as ever! I can feel my IQ drop 100 points (assuming that I have over 100 points but I don't want to get cocky since it's ME I'm talking about) every time I'm around them, haha xD. We've had birthday parties, dinner parties, and Kris Kringle parties just to name a few. After three years of graduating from high school, it's great that we still catch up and find some time to spend with each other. Strong bonds are impossible to break, huh?

I can't also fail to mention it's great to see my parents too :). I've been giving my mother a massage almost every night (because she has back and neck problems) and been going out for lunch/dinner with dad whenever I could. It's nice spoiling my parents ad being spoiled in return :P.

Well other than bumming around, catching up with people, and feeling nostalgic, I've also been practising hard for my next year's program too. I am determined to impress my piano teacher, Lucinda.

Argh! I can never make these journal entries short.
Well, I guess this is enough to brief over my past month. I'm really just posting this because the frogs are keeping me awake, I'm bored, and I feel obliged to post something up about my mundane life =P.

Until next time!

Time finished: 04:36
Listening to: "Girl In The Flames" - Pendulum
Mood: Toothpaste

Almost sees the light at the end of the tunnel

2008-11-11T05:27:00.003+10:30

Time started: 05:02
Listening to: Morning birds chirping away
Mood: A little more refreshed
Weather: Nice and cool but warm enough :D

I woke up at 4am and it is now 5am!

For the past few days I've been battling with chronic fatigue. I must've slept 20 hours a day for the past week and it was horrible trying to cope with keeping up with piano practise, completing contrapuntal analysis & composition assignment (which was the biggest Bitch with a capital B), writing up my essay for Music History and attempting to study for my Chauralation and Composition exam. I was feeling quite overwhelmed with the work load piling in all at once and not having the energy to live through it. However I'm glad to announce that I'm half way through it.

Yesterday I completed my contrapuntal assignment. I know that it was badly done and I finished it off with a rush but I DON'T CARE! IT'S DONE!! Far out...that was the gayest assignment for the entire year! My colleagues have been bitchin' and moaning about it too because it was so hard and time consuming (as well as brain cell consuming...). I probably spent 14 hours in total on EACH question and there were four of them (well...three, but one of them was divided into two parts). That's 56 HOURS ON THIS LITTLE PIECE OF ASSIGNMENT CRAP THAT WASN'T EVEN WORTH THAT MUCH! Okay...actually it was worth 12.5% which to me is quite a lot...but still........

Anyway...I also completed my Chauralation exam yesterday. What it is is just a singing exam, a component from Music History. It involves singing in a group and individual examination of modal singing as well as sight reading or atonal singing. I chose atonal singing. Overall I got 59/60 for my exam! I'm really happy about it! I lost the one mark from the group singing because our entries weren't really together. We only had two proper rehearsals though and they were quite rushed. Carl (the examiner) said that I was the only one so far to get full marks for the atonal melody. Woo! Maybe I'm some kind of singing genius! Hahaha...well, I could only dream. Well yeah...I'm just really happy about doing well in the exam because it means I got 29.5% out of 30% for the course. Right now I'm well over the High Distinction cut off for music history and just require 78% for my final essay to keep my High Distinction which I'm quite confident on achieving. I'm reasonably good at essays and I got 94% for last semester's essay so yeah :D.

I'm holding onto my happiness on Music History because I'm not doing particularly well this semester overall. I had a white wash of HD's last semester but this semester is probably going to be filled with Credits and my only HD will be for History. Contrapuntal Analysis & Composition exam is my only big hurdle now because I fear that I might actually fail it. I'm behind this course by about 8 weeks and done very little work on it. It's just such a boring subject involving compositing music using all these rules and numbers. It just seems to defeat the purpose of composing music for me. I know that J.S. Bach applied a lot of these rules and wrote great music but contrapuntal music BLAH! It doesn't mean that I have to! It's not like I'm going to be thinking about the rules and numbers of the music while I'm playing Bach! How is that going to help me make the music sound nice? That is beyond my comprehension...

Anyway...yeah...I'm worried about this course because yesterday Pey Shin was looking through my assignment before handing it in and she's noticed that I was doing everything wrong and asked me to study with her today. She's really good at this subject and I hope she can help me pass. If she does, I'll shout her laksa when we're in Malaysia! :D
I just wish the exam wasn't compulsory to pass...otherwise I'd be fine.

My contrapuntal exam is tomorrow (Wednesday) I also have to hand up my final essay for Music History and after that all I need to worry about is the piano exam which is Thursday next week. As long as I'm resting well and feeling energised, I should be able to do fine for the exam. I'm hoping I could pull a Distinction but I don't want to put such high expectations on myself and I'm more likely to pull a Credit. As long as I improve (which I am) and enjoy what I'm doing (which I am) then I'm happy.

Well...I can almost taste the end of the academic year and with my health struggles I'm just glad it's almost over! Not long til I'm home back in Darwin...then off to Malaysia with my mum to see my family! I'm also looking forward to a fresh new start for next year too :).

I wish anyone else who's stressing out about exams and assignments at this time of the year the best of luck and hope they pull through physically and emotionally!

Time finished: 05:26
Mood: Motivated
Weather: Still the same

Writing an Essay is like Proving the Value of 'x'!

2008-11-08T01:22:00.006+10:30

Time started: 01:11
Listening to: The whirring of my external hard drive.
Weather: Overcast and fairly warm.
Mood: Exhausted/Somewhat stressed/Somewhat apathetic/Restless.

A lot has happened between the time I posted my last post to the point I am writing this post now...but I'll get to the stuff that has happened another time...right now I want to write about this:

I had a revelation as I was proof reading my friend's essay tonight.

Essay writing is like proving the value of x in an algebraic equation. Symbolically, this is how an essay should be along the lines of:

Essay topic: What is the value of x?

Intro: x + y + z = 16
y = 2
z = 6
People ponder over the value of x all the time but knowing algebra does wonders. For this equation, with the rules of algebra, and the given values, the conclusion can be drawn that the value of x is 8.

Body: If y = 2 and z = 6 then we know that x + 2 + 6 = 16.
2 + 6 = 8 thus x + 8 = 16
x = 16 - 8
x = 8. EUREKA!!!

Conclusion: Knowing the values of y and z in this equation is essential. Without these values, going through algebraic process to solve x is not possible. The world would be a better place if we all just stated unknown values...and if assessment tasks and exams in education is optional only . X = 8, BIATCHES!

This is what my friend's essay is like:

Intro: x is solved like this...this and this...
But wait....the equation is x + y + z = 16!
y = 2. It is also the letter in the beginning of the words "yesterday", "you" and "yuck"!
z = 6. If you turned the letter 90 degrees, it would resemble a capital N! Not many people look at z in this kind of perspective!
x = 8 but it could be also be 4 + 4 since 4 + 4 = 8.

Body: 4 + 4 = 8. It's a scientifically proven fact, okay?!
Some people think x = 4 + 4.
x + 8 = 16 because the laws of algebra leads the equation to evolve to this state.
y = 2 suggests that x is 8.
z = 6 also suggests that x is 8.
OH! X = 16 - 8!
It seems to be that x = 8.
x could also be 4 + 4 since 4 + 4 = 16 - 8 is also true.
But it seems more likely that x = 8.

Conclusion:
x is a value unlike any other! Word.

Yep...I need a holiday.
I'm tired.
I do the strangest things when I'm tired...

2 ASSIGNMENTS DOWN, 2 MORE TO GO!
2 EXAMS DOWN, 3 MORE TO GO!

All within the next 12 days...fuuuuuun.

12 DAYS TIL UNI IS OVER FOR THIS YEAR!
14 DAYS TIL DARWIN!

WEEEEEEEE!

Time finished: 01:24am
Mood: GARGH! I JUST WANT IT ALL TO BE OVER!

My Cousin's Wedding

2008-08-15T22:54:00.005+09:30

Time started: 22:55
Place: Living room (Adelaide)
Listening to: "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 1 (AOL Sessions)" - The Flaming Lips
Weather: Freezing cold >.<;; Mood: Exhausted...

I went back to Darwin for four days from 8th-12th August for my cousin's wedding. Kevin Phang and Christina Chau (now Christina Phang :D) had their Chinese wedding on Friday 8th. It took place at my uncle's house in Alawa. They looked glamorous in traditional Chinese wedding gowns. It involved the bride and the groom presenting tea to the elder members of their family and the younger members of their family present tea to them. I, being the younger cousin, had to present tea to the bride and the groom. It made Kevin and Christina feel old. After the paying of respects with tea, we stuffed ourselves with homemade cooking from various members of the family, including my mum. We all sat outside in the yard, eating and chatting away and it has been such a long time since I've had a family gathering like this. There were also some family members I've never met before, such as one of my paternal aunts who lived in Japan. There were also aunts and uncles I haven't seen for years. Later that night, we all had a BBQ at the same place and together we watched the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic games! It was sensational! I especially liked the drums and the taichi.

On Saturday it was the official wedding at Pee Wee's restaurant at East Point, by the beach. The ceremony was absolutely gorgeous! You could see the love for each other between the bride and groom as they exchanged their vows. Christina bawled her eyes out with tears of joy and sent the whole room bawling along with her. It was a very touching moment. Then we all took many, many photos of the bride and groom and of each other. As the sun was setting we all sat down at our designated tables and ate a marvelous buffet dinner, followed by scrumptious desert. The sunset was beautiful, but since we were at the East point, we couldn't actually see the sun, but the sky was still rich in colours and clouds. At night fall, the ocean was so calm, and we could see the city lights across the water. It was beautiful. There were several sailing boats along the water with their lights too. The view was breath-taking and the scene had a very romantic mood. I was very glad that this beautiful place was the venue for my cousin's wedding. I was very happy for him and Christina. After dinner, the bride and groom played some wedding games. The first one involved the bride being blind-folded and a group of men (including the groom) had to line up as the bride had to run her fingers through each man's lips and she had to guess which one was her husband's. Kevin was the third man out of six and she guessed right the first time with much thought. The second game involved the groom being blind-folded and six girls had to line up with feint wedding rings on their left hand (including the bride with her real wedding ring). Kevin had to feel each of their fingers and guess which one was Christina's and he guessed right straight away. It was amazing! The third game involved Christina standing on a chair with a napkin held against her chest. Then she had two strawberries hanging from her chest and Kevin had to eat the strawberries from her chest without using his hands. It was funny to watch xD. WARNING, THE LAST GAME CONTAINS SEXUAL REFERENCES. UNDER-AGED READERS READ AT THEIR OWN RISKS! The last game involved Kevin standing on a chair and Christina had to put an egg up his pants and take it out from the top of his trousers without breaking the egg. Christina did well to get it all the way up to the top of Kevin's thigh but was unable to pass it and take it out. It was stuck and funnily enough, it looked like Christina was giving Kevin a hand-job xD. The bridesmaid was commentating and said "Uh oh...the egg appears to be stuck after Christina successfully moved the egg up Kevin's leg! Could it be that Kevin's package is obstructing the pathway of the egg?" and after minutes of fondling the egg in Kevin's pants, Christina gave up and Kevin announced "On behalf of the bride, I would like to apologise because I found the strawberry game before too arousing..." xD. Classic stuff! Towards midnight, the bride and groom finally did their first dance and it was funny watching Kevin trying to do the waltz. It was simple, yet touching. Soon enough, the rest of us joined the dance floor. Soon it was late and my mum was tired so we went home. Believe it or not, it was the first time I've ever attended a wedding and it was a beautiful experience! I am so happy for Kevin and Christina.

On Sunday and Monday I enjoyed my remaining time in Darwin's blissful weather. I mostly stayed at home bumming around and watched the Olympic games. AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE! OI, OI, OI! xD I flew back to Adelaide on Tuesday morning and I was very unhappy to be back into the cold weather -.-;;. I was also feeling quite sick too after the wedding and the flying. I still haven't recovered from tonsillitis. I completely missed the third week of uni because I've been so nauseated and lethargic. I had a fever on Thursday of 38.4 degrees Celsius and all week my body's been experiencing so much aches and pains. At night I can't sleep because I have trouble breathing and I can't stop coughing. I'm very worried about being so behind uni now. So far this semester I've only attended three classes...I've missed out A LOT! Today I went to the doctor and he has a huge hunch that I have chronic fatigue syndrome which explains why I'm not recovering at all and why I experience palpations, low blood pressure, have a shocking immune system, and respiratory problems, as well as of course, constant fatigue over the past few months. Well if I do have CFS, that sucks because there's no way to treat it. On the brighter side, it is not at all life-threatening...just a pain in the arse to go through. I hope I get through second semester of uni okay...this is a very important semester and I want to be able to pass through it with flying colours. One great thing about being sick is I get to stay at home and watch the Olympics all day! I'm really enjoying it. Australia's doing pretty well so far. GO THE AUSTRALIAN WOMEN'S SWIMMING TEAM!!! :D Everyone's making such a big deal about Stephanie Rice though...but I can see why. Three gold medals and three world records at the age of 20. Everyone's making such a big deal about American Michael Phelps too...again, I can see why...self explanatory...xD. China is scary...they're flogging the whole world. With 25 gold for China, and USA with 14 gold...the US can't even compare with them in terms of number of gold...I know China's always been good at Gymnastics, Archery, Shooting and Diving but...weightlifting?! Since when have they been dominating in Weightlifting? It's the first I've heard of this...maybe I've always just been oblivious about weight-lifting. I always thought the Middle East and Mediterranean countries were good at weight-lifting. I wanted China to be on top this year since they're hosting the Olympics but now I'm already sick of them haha xD. How disappointing that the little girl at the opening ceremony was miming too...I'm more annoyed with the fact that they didn't want to use the REAL singer because she isn't "pretty" enough. How discriminating! But anyway...Aussie's getting many medals for such a little country so I'm happy :D. They're also doing well at other events BESIDES swimming so WOOO! First week finishing off with 6 gold, 7 silver and 8 bronze...GOOD EFFORT, AUSSIE! WOOOO! Yeah, shut up...I'm patriotic.

Well...I guess that's all for now. There's nothing much else to talk about besides being sick and the Olympics... Hopefully next week I will feel better and go to uni and cope just fine...

Time finished: 23:52
Listening to: "Ewan" - The Radio Dept.
Mood: Patriotic :'D

First Week Back with Tonsillitis.

2008-08-04T21:37:00.006+09:30

Time started: 21:37
Place: My room (In Adelaide)
Listening to: "Looking For Water" - David Bowie
Weather: Cold...
Mood: Lethargic.

I didn't have a great week back in Adelaide. The night before my flight, I came down with tonsillitis so flying was hell. I felt like vomitting, I had a fever, and my throat hurt like hell. Luckily Jasper was on the flight with me. It was stupid that Jarrad wouldn't pick us up from the airport either but I don't really blame him since we arrive at 6:35am. We caught the taxi all the way home and thankfully the fare wasn't as bad as I anticipated it to be.

On Monday, our first day of semester 2, I began with a piano lesson with Lucinda. We went through my Italian Concerto by Bach and the lesson seemed mundane but I guess I was feeling really under the weather. Keyboard musicianship looks really hard this semester and I have a feeling I'm going to struggle. During Technique and Repetoire Class, I had an asthma attack and missed out on 3/4 of the class and wound up at the health clinic at uni. The doctor gave me some ventolin and prescribed me some antibiotics because he said I have tonsillitis. As soon as I went home, I slept until late in the afternoon on Tuesday. I was so incredibly lethargic.

On Wednesday, I had uni again. The History lecture was all about Beethoven. The course outline didn't really explain much either. Chauralation was cancelled because our conductor Carl was sick which sucked because Chauralation is fun. It's also good too because I didn't have a voice. Pey Shin, Sam, Fei and I spent our two hours worth of free periods at the Backstage café just sitting together and chatting about stuff. It was good to hang out with them again :). Then we had our Theory lecture and I missed practically the entire lecture because I had another asthma attack. Paul, a classmate of mine, was very kind to come and see how I was going outside and offered to call an ambulance but that was unnecessary. He took me to a water bubbler though and I was very grateful for his kindness and concern. Later that day I discovered that my glasses broke. One of the lenses fell out and I couldn't find it anywhere so that meant I needed new glasses. I made an appointment with the optometrist after class.

That night I experienced excruciating pain in my left ear and I couldn't sleep all night. In the morning my ear was bleeding and I decided it was best for me to not go to uni for that day. My left ear has felt blocked and has been buzzing ever since. So yeah...that was my first week of uni and I feel like I've missed out on so much already. I'm not having a very good to semester 2 at all...

On Friday, I had a better day. I went to meet Riana and Helen for lunch and it was lovely to see them again. Jarrad and Jasper tagged along but I think they were bored. Later I met up with Sam to exchange burnt discs, then I shouted him laksa because I said that I would if he passed theory last semester. Then I had my optometrist appointment, got my eyes tested and picked two pairs of glasses (buy one get one free :D). I can't wait for them to get done because apparently they look good on me =P. I always look like a nerd when I wear glasses and I hate wearing them. I might wear them constantly this time.

My weekend consisted of just practising a lot on the piano. I'm proud of my efforts for the weekend. I practised 6 hours per day and I was feeling a little better with tonsillitis. It was a pity I got Ryan and Jasper sick though. Right now I'm trying my hardest not to get Jarrad sick...

Today I was meant to go to uni but I had an asthma attack last night and didn't sleep so I felt absolutely awful when I woke up and didn't go to uni again. It was a bad idea because I'm going to miss out on next Monday's lessons too since I'd be in Darwin for my cousin's wedding. I'm having such an awful start to this semester and I'm already feeling overwhelmed...
Well...today I was bored and decided to bake pandan cake again. This attempt was a much better success compared to when I made it for Jarrad's birthday. The only thing wrong with it is I added a bit too much cream of tartar so it's a bit on the sour side, but aside from that...it tastes pretty good :D.

I fly to Darwin on Thursday evening and I can't wait to spend a few days in Darwin again where it's nice and warm. It's freezing cold here and I DON'T LIKE IT!!! I'm concerned that it's going to disrupt my start to this semester even more though...and I hate being sick...I'm wondering if I'll ever get better...damn my immune system...

Time finished: 22:00
Listening to: "La Cerca" - Sparta
Mood: Worried...

Short Darwin Holiday

2008-07-26T00:22:00.006+09:30

Time started: 00:23
Place: My room in Darwin
Listening to: "Light" - Menomena
Weather: Cool and pleasant
Mood: Could be better...

It has been a while since I posted an entry. I have a mixture of excuses with being both slack and preoccupied, but I've decided that it is time that I should update this and hopefully make it brief.

I've been in Darwin for the past three weeks and tomorrow morning I am heading back to cold and miserable Adelaide. It makes me sad knowing that the holidays has come to an end.

What have I been up to while I've been here? Well...mostly staying at home and practising unproductively on the piano but I had a few opportunities to catch up with old friends. Unfortunately I didn't get to catch up with them as much as I would've hoped but when I did...it was lovely!
I had a couple of brunches with my old high school friends, and a couple of dinners with them as well. It was nice to have some quirky moments with them like back in the old days. I went to the Mindil Beach Markets every week. I just love the culture and the atmosphere there. Unfortunately I only went to the beach once (I know...disappointing) but I managed to take a couple of nice photos there. It was so nice to see them again. I'm so glad that after having graduated from high school three years ago and been scattered all around the country, we all still manage to get together and spend some time together during the holidays. It just makes our friendship so much more special.
I went to the movies and watched Get Smart, The Dark Knight, and The X Files: I Want To Believe. Get Smart was surprisingly quite amusing and great to watch (I didn't expect much of it, I had to admit), The Dark Knight, without a doubt, was superb but it made me sad knowing that it was Heath Ledger's final full performance. He was a sensational joker, like everyone says. Christian Bale also made an awesome Batman too. In fact...all the actors were good! As a huge X Files fan, I was incredibly disappointed with The X Files. The first movie "Fight the Future" was great, the series, is great...and it took so long for this second movie to be released and it was UTTER CRAP!!! Agent Mulder had a couple of great witty lines here and there but seriously...the movie was just a lame excuse for Billy Connelly to play a paedophile priest! I'm HUGELY disappointed...
At home I spent my free time watching anime. One series I managed to finish watching was Death Note. One word: AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how good this series is!! If you haven't seen it...WATCH IT!
When mum gets home from work, at night we watch movies on my computer. It's good to spend time with her and let her have the opportunity to relax and enjoy a good movie at night. We watched a lot of movies since I was here.
Anyway, the weather here has been pure bliss. It's warm enough to wear just a shirt and shorts (I feel so free!) and it's still cool and balmy. Sunny skies and cool breezes all day long. Just perfect! I am dreading going back to Adelaide right now where it's raining, freezing cold...and miserable. I am also dreading going back to university since earlier I mentioned I practised UNPRODUCTIVELY. My teacher, Lucinda is going to be very unimpressed with how much I've learned of my pieces...which isn't a lot at all...
I am by no means falling behind for semester two, but I really wanted to show her that I'm a dedicated and hard working student. These holidays I've been pretty lazy with piano practise. There were even some days that I didn't do any practise at all!

Well...on the brighter side of things, my semester one results came out a couple of weeks ago. As soon as I got my results I was bouncing off the walls and this is why:
Classical Performance: 82 Distinction (I was expecting a Credit)
Keyboard Musicianship: 79 Distinction (again, was expecting a Credit)
Foundations of Music History: 86 High Distinction (expecting a Distinction)
Analysis and Theory of Music: 86 High Distinction (actually...I expected this =P)
I am sooooo happyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My two practical courses (Classical Performance and Keyboard Musicianship) are still continuing so hopefully I can scrape them up to a High Distinction by the end of the year, I would still be happy if I got Distinction though. And hopefully for Foundations of Music History 2 and Contrapuntal Analysis & Composition of Music for this semester, I can maintain high marks like semester 1.

Well, next time I update this, I'll probably be in Adelaide. In two weeks time though, I will be back in Darwin again for my cousin's wedding :D. I am looking forward to coming back to Darwin and seeing my beloved cousin tying the knot, and just being home, even if it's only for 4 days.

Time finished: 00:59
Listening to: "No Cars Go" - Arcade Fire
Mood: Dread

The First Semester Approaches its End

2008-06-24T23:33:00.008+09:30

Time started: 23:35
Listening to: "Eli, The Barrow Boy" - The Decemberists
Weather: Unfavourable to my poor, weakling fingers that are currently numbed from the cold
Mood: Bored

It is now exam season of semester one and I am approaching my very final exam of the semester which will be my classical performance for piano on 1st July. Am I ready for it? Not quite...my left hand has a lot of insecurities and misbehaves. My right hand is bold, arrogant and moves like a truck. Perhaps I am not showing them enough tender loving care. Lucinda tells me that I should have an intimate relationship with the piano. Intimate, huh? Well it seems like we're having a lot of disagreements with each other...
Anyway...before I get carried away with my difficult love affair with a musical instrument, I'll make a short summary on term two (or at least try to make it short).

First of all, I'd like to mention that even though at times the work load has been intense (ie. Music History's final essay, stressing over sight reading and transposition for Keyboard Musicianship, assignments for Music Theory etc, etc, etc...), I have thoroughly enjoyed myself, learning everything about music! I'm doing reasonably well and I feel like I've found my grounds. Once again, I have to say switching from Biomedical Science to Music was by far the BEST decision I've made in my life! I just feel like I belong to what I am doing now. I've never been happier about where I am in life than now.

With my more positive outlook in my studies, I've found that I also have a more positive personality at home too. I'm not depressing around my house mates anymore, seeking comfort in them like I did in the past. I concentrate better in class, and with my surroundings elsewhere. I think clearer, I'm happier, filled with more energy and overall, life is just so much better.

The fundamental cause of this is making friends which I've struggled and tried to do since I moved to Adelaide. First of all I'd like to make a testimonial to Pey Shin: fun, genuinely caring, supportive, loyal, spontaneous, and even with her don't-take-life-too seriously attitude and energetic nature, still sophisticated and wise at the same time. I look forward to going to uni just to talk to this girl and hearing what she has to say about anything. I feel like I can learn a lot from this girl in terms of life experiences and outlooks in life as well. Her genuine kindness also makes me love her more and more as I get to know her too. I can just feel that we'll share a lot of good moments to come in the coming years. Even though I only got to know her in such a short time, I already feel like I can trust her completely and hopefully I can show her my loyalties to her too in return to what she's given me.
Secondly, a testimonial to Sam: What can I say...oddball (!!!!!), at times - psychotic, intellectual, energetic, funny, enthusiastic, friendly, always smiling and easy going (as well as easily distracted =P). He is like the icing of the cake that makes dull cakes awesome and gives them their zest (yes, I'm terribly with my clichés...lay off, will ya?)! I'm glad I've had the opportunity to study music theory with him because I've learned we share a lot of common interests, especially with music (and none of my friends share my taste in music! Waaah!), and he's a lot of fun to talk to and be around. I feel like I can have enjoyable conversations with him that have no means of an end when a lot of other people would find talking to me completely and utterly boring. His dedication and enthusiasm astounds me too. I've told him this many times already but I'm so proud of him.
Pey Shin and Sam are pretty much the two new friends I've made that helped me get through the last moments of Semester 1, especially when we practised for our Chauralation exam and our Introduction to Analysis and Theory of Music exam. We had intense rehearsal and study sessions which consisted of us going to uni almost every day for several hours, getting together and helping each other learn and improve. We tired ourselves out physically and mentally yet we supported each other all the way through and there were hilarious moments here and there that made it oh so fun! Even though I am REALLY glad the Music Theory exam is over (and I think I did brilliantly in it, by the way), I miss our study sessions which I know we won't have for another few months at least! Boohoo :(.
Speaking of Chauralation rehearsals, I can't fail to mention Feishi (who we affectionately call Fei =P, maybe I should call Pey Shin/Josephine 'Pey' or 'Joseph'...hehe...OHNOES...TANGENT!): I don't know her TOO well yet but from the short time we've spent together I've learned that she is very sweet, encouraging, dedicated, and she surprisingly tolerated my bossiness (well, I felt like I was being bossy anyway) during the rehearsals (I'm so sorry, Fei!). She was always bubbly, friendly, yet reserved in our rehearsal which I think is really cute. Hopefully I will become better acquainted with her next semester!

I also must mention Johanna whom I also haven't gotten to know too well yet but am getting there. She has expressed a lot of kindness and concern for me during times when I was sick, or stressed from studies. She's quite funny, mature, and really friendly with everyone around her. I cannot forget her giving up her studying time, coming out night shopping with me (Pey Shin too). We spent a good two hours at least looking for my black pants which I needed for our Chauralation concert, even though she didn't need to buy anything that night. She also kindly helped me out with Music Theory by giving me her mp3's for our Repertoire Listening Project. What a life saver!

There are also a lot of other people that I would like to mention here too but I have still yet to know them better but I am keen to for the next semester. In the mean time, I am really happy that I have made awesome friends this semester and I would like to express my gratitude and love for them being awesome for who they are :). I feel so blessed to have met so many kind people throughout my life, especially here in Adelaide where I'm away from home, mum, a lot of my old friends. And how can I forget my old friends? They are all so important to me, and they know who they are so I don't need to mention their names. It's only just over a week 'til I get to see them again back in Darwin, and for those who aren't in Darwin...I will see them some day again :).

Okay...now to events (yeah...I think I epically failed on keeping this short!). Early in June I had my Keyboard Musicianship Exam. I did alright but I didn't do as well as I would've liked. Sight reading really let me down. I am tragic at sight reading. I wouldn't be surprised if I got zero marks for it. I also did horribly in clarinet transposition too (which is practically sight reading). At least I did perfectly/almost perfectly at my other prepared topics so that made up for the ghastliness. We also had a Chauralation concert which overall was pretty good. I witnessed some very awesome choirs and I had fun singing in it too. It wasn't so much fun going home alone late at night though...
I can't remember the chronological order but I also did an Aural test (which I aced), an assignment for Theory (89% Woo!), Music History essay about Enlightenment and the Sonata Form (which took me forever!!!!!!), Chauralation exam (individually I did pretty good, but our group performances weren't quite so because of the sound of the keyboard playing while we sang...oh the horror!), and finally, the Music Theory exam we did on Monday. Pey Shin, Sam and I studied so hard for it and I think I did good, Sam reckon he passed (yay!) but Pey Shin was disappointed for not finishing one question, but I'm sure she did excellently overall anyway!

Today (well...yesterday according to the clock) I caught up with Adam whom I haven't seen for a several weeks and we went to Glenelg for lunch. It was good to see him again and we had a depressing reminiscence of the 90's which wasn't so good but what the heck...the day was still awesome! It was good to get out of studying and just going out and taking some time off while catching up with a friend!

Now I have nothing to do but practise 6 hours a day on the piano for my piano exam which I am EXTREMELY nervous about...I really want to do well but I feel like I haven't gotten up to the standard I want to be at yet.
I hope everyone else who has/had exams is doing/did fine with their studying. For those who still have exams, good luck!

Time for me to shut up and make my exit! Min has left the building! Peace out, and goodnight!

Time finished: 01:09
Listening to: "Battery In Your Leg" - Blur
Mood: Glad and exhausted

Ryan's 21st and the return of anaemia

2008-05-29T18:52:00.004+09:30

Time started: 18:53
Listening to: "Grab Thy Hand" - Chevelle
Weather: Cold
Mood: Disorient

I have been a little slack with updating this blog due to procrastination and a hectic time during university. I will use that excuse for now.

Anyway, we woke up early in the morning to prepare ourselves to go to the footy match at AAMI stadium. I regretted not getting any Crows merchandise to show our support for the team but I guess our plain selves just had to do.
The five of us squished into Jarrad's not so spacious Terrios and drove to the venue, a little unsure of the direction to go but we got there on time nonetheless.

There wasn't a huge turn out at the match but it being my first ever attendance of a sporting event, I enjoyed the surreal atmosphere of watching two national teams play the great AFL. The weather was beautiful that day too so we were very lucky.

I think Ryan enjoyed watching the footy despite the game being a white wash for the Adelaide Crows. I was having a lot of fun myself. There were a few epic moments in the game such as a Melbourne Demon's player being ninja-ed from behind and consequently gave away a goal to the Crows.

After the game we went straight home and it was time for Ryan to open his presents. I first presented my (well...our...but it's really mine! :D) present (which was heavy to carry from my room to his) and he was quite surprised with the size of the present. He opened it carefully, revealing the velvet case, still not knowing what it was. When he opened the case I think he was quite bewildered with the sight of the large, marble chess set. There was a long moment of silence with a stunned expression, followed by a "sweet" escaped his lips. I was glad to see that he loved his present. Later he opened Jordan's birthday present and I could see a lot of affection and love expressed on his face the moment he opened it and realised what it was. Jordan bought him the entire collection of Calvin & Hobbes, Ryan's favourite comic. I think Ryan felt very loved and spoiled that night.

Anyway, that was a brief overview of Ryan's birthday, now for serious matters. For the past week I have been dizzy, fainting, and extremely lethargic. On Monday morning I went to uni with Ryan, only finding myself stumbling and trying hard to stay conscious on my way to uni from the train station. Ryan helped me stumble my way to Lucinda's class so that I could notify to her that I was unwell. Then he took me to the university's doctor so that I could make an appointment to see him. Consequently he was late for class. I felt really bad but thankful that he was by my side when I was unwell. Well I made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow morning and hopefully he will be able to help me. I have been missing out on uni all week and can't stop feeling really dizzy and sleepy. It's really stopping me from doing my work.

Well that is all. I don't have the energy to ramble on like I usually do...

Time finished: 17:30
Listening to: "Opaline" - Dishwalla
Mood: Disorient

Birthdays, Crap Days and a Broken Umbrella

2008-05-17T09:51:00.005+09:30

Time started: 09:51
Weather: Freezing, wet, and windy
Listening to: The trees being blown around and rained upon
Mood: Neutral

Due to a hectic two weeks at university I have been a little slack in updating my blog. Now that it's a Saturday morning and I just so happen to be awake before midday, I have decided now is the right time to update.

Adrian's 21st birthday party was on the Saturday, 3rd of May. It consisted of me going on public transport for 2 hours to get to his place since I was staying over. He lived well at the other side of Adelaide. We went to a nice salad bar restaurant with a few of his high school friends. His set of friends are interesting but I took a liking to Carmen who was very sweet, mature, and a joy to talk to. I must admit a lot of his other friends were the kind of people I would avoid hanging out with (sex and drunken addicts). I had a chicken parmigiana and it was quite a big serving. Then we indulged ourselves with chocolate and rum cake from the cheesecake shop and it was great! Nobody got Adrian presents except for Carmen and I. Carmen got him a brilliant digital photo frame keyring which he absolutely adores and I got him another keyring that has his name engraved on it.
After dinner, Adrian insisted on me playing on the restaurant's grand piano. I first played Rachmaninoff's infamous Prelude in C sharp minor and that was a huge flop due to nerves. Everyone in the restaurant was watching me and I WAS INTIMIDATED! Then I just played Debussy's Clair de Lune which was much more relaxed.
Adrian's interesting friends then forced us to go to the sex shop across the road. I wasn't all too enthusiastic about that and neither was Adrian. Oh well...it can't really hurt. I just sat on a chair, not looking at stuff around the shop waiting for everyone to finish. Anyway, we all just went home after this because everyone was tired and no-one wanted to go clubbing (thank goodness for me!).
Adrian and I watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix until 3am then went to bed.
The next morning I was awoken by a pleasant sound of Adrian's budgerigar, Pisha chirping. We awoke to have muesli for breakfast and I was amused to watch Pisha hop along on the table and eat off Adrian's bowl.
After the lovely breakfast, Adrian walked me to the bus stop that would take me home. Overall, I had a good time at Adrian's party and I'm glad he had a good time too :).

On Tuesday, 6th May, Colin left the house and I must say the mood dramatically changed after he left. No-one was out of their rooms to have fun and make noise. It was all rather grim and it made me thought how much of a difference one person can make to set the mood in the house. We all miss you, Colin!

On Thursday, 8th May, Ryan's mother arrived in the afternoon to visit for the weekend. It was a pleasure to meet her and she made us really nice roast dinners and a delicious butter vanilla spongecake especially for Ryan as an early birthday cake. She also cleaned around the house quite thoroughly as well which made me feel quite guilty. Glenda was lovely to talk to as well and it made me wonder why Ryan was so nasty with a lovely mother like her =P. Haha, I'm just kidding. Ryan can be lovely too...sometimes...

On Friday evening, the next day, Jasper and I set off to various shops in Marion and in town to quest for Ryan's 21st birthday present. It took us 7 hours to find it and I am very pleased that I got it for him. I will not reveal this remarkable present of his until he opens it so all will be revealed later!

On Sunday, Glenda had to fly back to Brisbane and I was quite sad to say goodbye to her, even though she only stayed for a very short time.

Monday 12th May, HAPPY SWEET 16TH, ELLEN!!!

Tuesday, 13th. It was my 20th birthday. It was all very fortunate for me that Tuesday was my day off uni for the week and it just so happened to be that my birthday this year is on Tuesday. Overall I had a bit of a lousy day but it wasn't all too bad. I woke up and made myself pancakes for breakfast and throughout the day I was sent many text messages and received a few calls from a lot of my friends to wish me a happy birthday. I felt quite loved :). I stayed in my room practically all day doing my essay (somewhat mentally tiring) and a bit of vacuuming around the house. In the late afternoon, Jarrad and Ellen came home from staying over at their aunt's house and I was very happy to see Ellen. It's been over a year since I saw her. She came home with bags and bags full of anime. I gave her my birthday present to her. It was Love Hina and to my disappointment, she went and bought it the day before. *Sigh* I am going to have to give her another present.
In the evening, everyone in the house went to Salisbury Hoyts cinemas to watch Iron Man. This was probably the highlight of the day. The movie was brilliant! It was cool, funny, and yeah...I'd highly recommend this movie :).
By the time the movie finished I wanted to go out to dinner with everyone but Jarrad and Jasper disregarded this idea and we all just went home. I was quite disappointed considering I didn't have lunch or dinner and I was terribly hungry, not to mention it was my birthday and I just wanted us to go out for dinner together. When we got home I did the dishes too and made myself some instant noodles for dinner. *Sigh*...Ahh well...you win some, you lose some. So I had a bad day on my birthday, it's not a big deal...my birthday is just another day, the same as any other day.

Wednesday, 14th May, HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY, KYLIE!!!

Friday, 16th May, I had a pretty lousy day today as well. I went to the city in the morning to meet up wit Adam and we had brunch at Maccas (we both had Caesar salads which tasted soooo gooooooood!). It was nice to catch up with Adam again :). Then we made our way to the blood bank which was the whole purpose of us meeting. This is my second attempt to donate since Rebecca's visit (and what would've been my 6th donation). Unfortunately I was rejected from the blood services again. My haemoglobin dropped significantly in the last 3 months and my heart rate experienced severe palpitation which caused a great concern to the nurses at the blood bank. They warned me that the worst case scenario could be a terminal illness, have a heart attack, or a stroke and that I should go see a doctor. They wrote me a letter for the doctor to give me some free medical check ups and I am really hoping it isn't anything serious. I was hugely upset with not being able to donate and also having a possibility of having a serious health risk hanging over my head. The weather was extremely windy, rainy, and gloomy and I must say it suited my mood quite well. After the disappointing visit to the blood bank I made my way to uni where I met up with Pey Shin. We were supposed to be studying together for our major music essays but instead I tried to make an appointment with the university's doctor. Unfortunately I couldn't get a hold of him and left him a message. He hasn't called me back to make an appointment yet. On my way out my umbrella broke completely from the strong winds. WAH! NO UMBRELLA IN THIS HORRIBLE WINDY, RAINY WEATHER!
Pey Shin and I then had lunch together (McDonald's again, haha...this time it was a fish-o-fillet meal). We probably had a nice conversation with each other for a solid hour and a half. It was great getting to know her a bit more and I can feel a blossoming friendship happening. I hope so anyway, I like Pey Shin :). She's awesome! We talked to each other about our high school days, what we want to learn in life and yeah, just our general outlooks in life. I've learned that Pey Shin is a very strong person having been through a lot of different experiences in life and never lets anything get her down. I admired her and have a lot to learn from her. I also learned that she is genuinely caring and holds friendships close to her heart. It was lovely discovering this about her. I hope that I've left a good impression on her these last couple of weeks too. I think she thinks I'm a miserable nerd who takes things way too seriously...haha xD.
Anyway, we soon decided it was time to go home and when we left the eatery, the weather was even MORE miserable. Pey Shin offered me her umbrella but I decided not to take it.
When I walked a very long walk home from the train station, I was drenched to the bone by the rain. My hands became stiff from the wet and cold, and while I was walking, I just kept thinking about what was wrong with me health wise. Why did my umbrella have to break today?

When I arrived home, I found that Ryan's father arrived. He was down to visit for Ryan's 21st. Ryan then showed me that we both received a parcel so we went together to pick it up. To my delight, mine was a parcel from Erin. It was my late birthday present and card. She got me two gorgeous wooden cats with detachable heads on a stick (wow, that sounds somewhat morbid...). It looks really cute and I put it on top of my piano. It was rather sweet of her to get me a cute gift. Her card showed me a lot of "luff" too. <3 I also received a birthday card from Jordan that contained a bunny rabbit at the front offering a hug. It was such a cute card. Jordan is so thoughtful <3. Erin and Jordan made my day! Anyway, today is Erin's 20th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIN! Also, we're having a little BBQ dinner for Ryan tonight and maybe some of his friends would come over to visit too. Tomorrow is Ryan's big 21st birthday and I can't wait to see his present. I'm also excited about going to the footy match of Crows vs Demons. I will update on this soon :D.

Time finished: 11:02
Weather: Suddenly sunny and calm...
Listening to: Ryan's dad mowing the lawn
Mood: Content

Catchin' up!

2008-05-03T02:23:00.007+09:30

Time started: 02:35
Listening to: "Leif Erikson" - Interpol
Weather: Cold
Mood: A little overwhelmed

Today (or rather, yesterday) has all been about catching up. In the morning I was awoken by the sound of the beeping and the vibrations of my mobile phone, screaming to me that I have been sent a text message. It was a pleasant surprise to see that the message was from Lee-Ann, a girl I did Human Physiology with last year. She was one of the very first people I've been acquainted with since I came to Adelaide and has made me feel very welcome here. Her text message was to arrange for us to meet up and have lunch. I agreed and it was on like Donkey Kong, excited to see a familiar face I haven't seen for a while.

On my way to uni, I took many snapshots of my surroundings as I walked through the Road of Honour, one of the scenic routes to uni from the train station. The new camera in my hands, allowing me to take pictures of phenomenal picture quality gave me a buzz. I haven't taken photos of my surroundings just for the sake of taking photos for so long, and my deviantArt gallery has been somewhat neglected for several months because of this. Taking photos has made me feel alive again.

I arrived at the meeting place at the time arranged. I sat by the tables and chairs outside the Unibooks store and just sat there, feeling content, and watching the students walk by as I fiddled with my camera, looking at the world through the lenses. Despite being a little wet, it was a beautiful day. Being autumn, the leaves were bursting in colour, the air was cold and crisp and birds were flocking together all around. I sat there and snapped away at the uni grounds, waiting for Lee-Ann. She arrived at the sight of my face being hidden behind my camera. For a moment she completely missed me. I guess she has never seen this side of me before, seeing as I was only a Biomedical Science student for six weeks to her last year. We decided to dine at "The Café" at the Medical School. Lee-Ann knew nothing about this cafe, and thanks to Adrian who showed me this café a couple of weeks ago, I was able to give her the luxury of discovering this wonderful little café. We both had chicken burger with chips which was nice and fresh, and as we sat there and ate we reminisced about the short six weeks I had of studying Biomedical Science at this uni and talked about ourselves and discovered more about each other. I have discovered that Lee-Ann is genuinely compassionate, friendly and caring. It was a nice feeling knowing someone like her. I remembered when I went through the crisis of dropping out of the course last year and going through depression once more, although Lee-Ann hardly knew me, she still gave me her support. She rang me up to see if I was okay and offered her help. To me, that is a truly amazing quality in a person, being able to open up and lend your hands to a new person so willingly. It was unfortunate that we lost contact for several months after I left and went home to Darwin again. I had a tough time making friends in Adelaide and Lee-Ann certainly offered her friendship. I am glad that I was able to form contacts with her again and have had lunch with her today.

The short hour soon flew by and it was time for her to go back to class. As we said our goodbyes I felt like I've accomplished something good for myself. I gained a bit more confidence in opening up to people that I have found so incredibly difficult to do in the past year.

After the meeting with Lee-Ann, I walked myself to the River Torrens, just off the grounds of the University of Adelaide. To my disappointment, the sky was still incredibly grey and cloudy but there were some openings of blue skies here and there. I snapped away at my surroundings. I took dozens of photos of the river, the trees, the birds, and buildings. I had so much fun spying on the birds from afar with my camera's impressive zoom. At that point I remembered why I love photography so much. I felt the freedom of pushing the button and capturing moments of nature's beauty. The camera is truly a wonderful thing. Although I am nowhere near a prodigy at developing photos of impressive art, I am slowly learning and discovering ways of putting in the spice of life in my photos. Slowly...
Hopefully one day I can snap photos so beautiful, many people around the world will love and enjoy them. So in this aspect of taking photos, I was catching up on my artistic hobby and my standards of which.

I must've snapped away at that one spot for over an hour, so I started heading back to the busier part of the city. I decided that I needed a decent camera bag to put my camera in. Having it hang around my neck all the time just wouldn't do. I got to look after this beautiful camera and make sure it lasts for life. I went to a camera store at Rundle Mall and found a bag big enough to fit my camera, my spare battery and memory card, the USB cord, AND my two mobile phones in. It was a good bag. It had an adjustable strap that I could put around my body and have the bag hanging at my hips for my convenience to carry around. It was great. It's silly to think that I could get good vibes from a camera bag, but I did. It gave me such good vibes, I walked out of the store smiling with my beloved new camera tucked snuggly in my new camera bag.

I soon decided I spent enough time out of the house so I took the train home. As soon as I got home, I just crashed and did some catching up on sleep. Over the holidays I have not slept well at all due to sickness so I have a big sleep debt to pay.

When I woke up from my pleasant afternoon slumber, I did a bit of catching up practise on the piano. I had difficulty accommodating time to practise over the holidays so I had to get cracking with my Bach's Prelude & Fugue no. 15. Unfortunately, I didn't learn many new bars and I still have a lot to catch up with. I am not looking forward to Lucinda's upcoming disappointment in my next lesson. I want so much to impress her but I have yet to do so.

In less than 12 hours I have to take my leave to Adrian's 21st birthday. I am stressed out to the max on what clothes to wear because according to him, the place we are dining for dinner has a very strict dress code. Being a poor, unfashionable university girl, I have no nice clothes to wear. One must leave home early and go shopping before attending the event. Gosh, I hate clothes shopping. I never know what to look for, neither do I do nice clothes any justice when I wear them. I don't think I make any piece of clothing look good with my odd and plump features. Oh well. It probably won't help with me staying up and giving myself big black, sleepy bags around my eyes when I wake up in the morning, either so I guess I'll go to bed now.

Time finished: 03:22
Listening to: "Ole Black 'n' Blue Eyes" - The Fratellis
Mood: Exhausted

Getting the results!

2008-05-01T02:11:00.005+09:30

Time started: 02:12
Listening to: "Everything To Gain" - Fischerspooner
Weather: Cold and raining
Mood: Supportive

Today (well...yesterday, according to the clock) I had a good day at uni. In choir I talked to my classmate Josephine, a girl I was getting acquainted with at the end of last term. I also got to talk to another classmate I've never spoken to before, Joanna. They're both quite funny. A girl named Lucy also expressed concern during Aural class today because I didn't show up to Monday class because I was sick. It was a pleasant surprise, I thought it was very sweet of her. There are a lot of nice girls in my classes, actually. I just got to have the courage to talk to them. This guy in my history class also took notice of a dragon drawing I drew and stuck on at the front of my folder. I don't know his name but he seemed really enthusiastic about my drawing O_o;;. I was surprised that I wasn't startled or scared when he complimented me. I don't take compliments very well, especially from strangers...MALE strangers. No, I have not developed a crush because I'm new and a guy is nice to me xD. The guys in music are kinda weird, anyway. Weird, if not idiots...haha. Well, fun idiots anyway.

I think I'm slowly progressing in making friends at uni. I have yet to make any despite being here for a while already. I think it's because the uni is so big and there are just so many students and I can't help but feel intimidated by the greatly intense amount of people. I've never really had any problems with making friends before or elsewhere. In fact I've always found it quite easy, but here in Adelaide, it is very difficult for me. I noticed today that I was more familiar with my surroundings at uni and I was a little more confident in having a conversation with other people. I've made a few acquaintances, Josephine, Lucy, Joanna, Sarah, Anna, Taneka, Caitlyn, Paul, Warrick and Annabel. This makes me feel good :). I was beginning to think that I was just anti-social and snobby.

Anyway...in aural I got my test from last term back. I got 99.5%! Top of the class by 5.5%. Muahahaha! xD I'm such a show off...I'm really happy because I haven't had marks like this since 9th grade. I lost half a percent because I wrote vii6 instead of vii°6 at the Figured Bass section. Yeah...all because of a missing circle. The circle indicates a diminished chord. I didn't realise it was a diminished :(. I guess it's not as bad as me accidentally leaving it out and knowing I should have gotten 100% for the test, but in a sense that is bad too because it means that I actually didn't KNOW the answer. Hahaha. Mih, now I sound like a nerd. I should be OVER THE MOON about 99.5% which I am so yeah. Haha. I'm tired...shush.

Well right now I'm still up because I am offering my support to Jarrad and Ryan who are desperately trying to finish their essay by today which is due at 4pm. Tsk tsk...always leaving homework til the last minute (like I'm one to talk, haha). I guess I should sleep because I have class reasonably early today. It's not like I can help them much anyway. I know nothing about marketing.

My sleep patterns are so messed up...

Time finished: 02:34
Listening to: "Ballad of a Paralyzed Citizen (Medicine Remix)" - The Faint
Mood: Tired

Christmas Came Early For Me!!!

2008-04-28T21:39:00.004+09:30

Time started: 21:40
Listening to: "Moving To New York" - The Wombats
Weather: Very cold but fine
Mood: Happy

Today's the first day of term two. I had to hand in a huge assignment today which I finished at 3am this morning and had to hand in by noon. I was very sleep deprived early in the day. Hopefully the sleep debt will pay off because I think I did well in my assignment. I'm hoping for a high distinction :D.

The timetables for the public transport in my region changed yesterday and today I could see that it has caused a lot of people (including the bus drivers) a lot of confusion. The time changes of the Gawler Train line isn't a huge issue but the route change of the bus 225 has been a pain in the arse. Me and a handful of other people tried to catch the bus home today. We got on the 224 and got off a stop that connected to what the 225 would usually connect. However there was a guy who was already at the stop swearing his head off because he was waiting for the 225 for the last 2 hours. We asked the other bus drivers who stopped at the stop and they said that the 225 should be connecting at this stop. We waited for 45 minutes and there was still no 225. Then the 222 came and the bus driver said that the 225 no longer connected at this stop so he told us to hop on and get off another stop that the 225 should connect to. We got off the stop and waited for a further 30 minutes but there was still no 225. We gave up and decided to board on the 224 and just get off the major interchanges to get on the 225. I got off at Salisbury Interchange and caught the 225 home. This 225 had the letter "M" in front of it which I've never seen before. I think I'm going to need to study this new bus route...either that or I'll never catch the bus again. I wasted an unnecessary three hours getting home today...

Anyway...about the good news. When I came home, within 10 minutes, the delivery man knocked on my door. My long anticipated new camera arrived!!!!!!!!! It felt like Christmas for me. I waited for my camera for a month! It's a pity it came after Becca's been here but it's better than it never coming at all. Speaking off Becca. I miss her. I had a great time with her being here. I was always constantly doing something with her, but now that she's gone, it seems like all I do is sleep. I vacuumed the house today which is good because it hasn't been vacuumed for two weeks. I also now have a chance to catch up on all the uni stuff I kept on putting off during the holidays. I will see Becca in September - October anyway. I am highly anticipating on this holiday :).

Well, the only photos I've taken with my camera so far are just of me and my house mates but I've been messing around with it and it is uber AWESOME!!! Tomorrow I have a day off from uni so I'll try to put some time to go outside and find some photographic opportunities and post something up on my devArt gallery for the first time in months! It's amazing how quick time flies...I can't believe it's nearly May! Far out! In two weeks it's my 20th (pronounced twenteenth, thank you very much! I would like to think of myself as still a teen!) birthday! Aw gawd...now I feel old... AW CRAP! I GOTTA FIND A 21ST BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR RYAN AND ADRIAN! Waaaaaah! T_T. Present hunting stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<;; When will this madness end?!

Time finished: 21:57
Listening to: Here Comes the Anxiety
Mood: Content

A Change...

2008-04-27T15:17:00.002+09:30

Time started: 15:26
Place: My room
Listening to: The dog barking next door
Mood: Unmotivated

There have been many changes! Some are old news but have just not been established properly for this blog.

I have decided to make a new blogspot since my old one: http://fangie.blogspot.com/ has not been update for over a year!
I have dropped out of biomedical science and am now studying bachelor of music and majoring in classical performance.
I have moved from Darwin to Adelaide due to studies.

I decided to make a fresh start with this new blog so I could make a comparison of myself a year ago and myself now and also make it easier for me to reflect on my past, present, and future.

Making the switch has been highly beneficial for me in many ways. I am enjoying this course immensely, my health has improved a lot due to an increase in happiness and a reduction to stress, and making this decision has allowed me to grow as a person having experienced such a huge decision in my life.

Moving from Darwin to Adelaide has never been easy but it is certainly a great experience. I am more independent, responsible, free, and learning a lot about myself and new skills with life with the interaction of my house mates, a new environment, and having to resolve life battles on my own. Initially I hated this move but I have grown accustomed to the lifestyle here. The weather will always be horrible but on the bright side, this makes me appreciate what I had back in Darwin and my trips back will always be wonderful.

Overall, life is turning into the better for me. I also hope as we are all growing older...everyone has a chance to find some good changes in their lives and live happily.

Time finished: 15:45
Listening to: "Mad Man" - The Hives
Mood: Lethargic

Fangie's Rambles

Spring Cleaning

Lance Dossor Prize

Light Switch

Chocolate

/fail.

My American Adventure

The Truth Hurts

Dad

Bipolar

Hypocrisy

My Life is Full of Plain Bad Timing

Speculation on Alternate Realities

Being Overseas is so tiring...

First Day in Kuala Lumpur!

Heartbroken...

I need to start running...

Living up to Expectations

Separation Anxiety

Where Has the Year Gone?

Toss and Turn

For Kenan

I Don't Ever Learn...

An Emotional Ritual

Menomena

Oil and Water

Life is a Rollercoaster

To My Friends

Tick...tick...tick...tick...

*Smiles*

Waiting

How Are You Living Your Life?

Stubborness is a good thing!

Insane, Dazed Brain, and a Migraine.

Hexyuna!

A Good Deed makes a Good Day

Unwanted Pancakes

What Really Makes the World Go Round?

Go to Sleep Now, Little Fool!

Overwhelmed

Half-way through the Degree and waiting to go Home!

I haven't updated in a while...so sue me!

Valuables

Out of the country...

Fare thee well, 2008! Salutations, 2009!

Why I am having negative thoughts about guys...

Green Tree Frogs & Rain

*Almost sees the light at the end of the tunnel*

Writing an Essay is like Proving the Value of 'x'!

My Cousin's Wedding

First Week Back with Tonsillitis.

Short Darwin Holiday

The First Semester Approaches its End

Ryan's 21st and the return of anaemia

Birthdays, Crap Days and a Broken Umbrella

Catchin' up!

Getting the results!

Christmas Came Early For Me!!!

A Change...

Smiles

Almost sees the light at the end of the tunnel